WHY PEOPLE HATE TESS MUNSTER (AND OTHER HAPPY FAT PEOPLE)

(Photo by Heidi Calvert)

Unless you're someone who refuses to use social media, I'm sure you're aware that plus-size model Tess Munster/Holliday has rocked people's worlds by becoming the first model 'of her size' signed to an agency. Her size being: 5'5" and a size 22, which is a far cry from the industry's standard of having traditionally hourglass-y figures that are a size 10. Plus models never wear above a 16/18, and are usually 5'8" or taller. Guys... Tess is super short and super fat and breaking all the motherfucking rules like the superhero she is.

But changing the status quo is anything but easy. If I ever want to mourn humanity, all I have to do is scroll through Tess's Instagram comments. Kids, don't try this at home. No really, just trust me on this and let me tell you what you'll find so you don't have to mourn humanity too. Its a rare practice for me nowadays, but when I DO take a second to remind myself that this work is important by looking through her account, I find hundreds upon hundreds (collectively, thousands... we might be up to a millions) of comments that either call her barnyard animal names, spout "facts" about how she'll die early on because: science, or express their concern about the fact that she's a negative role model for promoting obesity by loving herself... and these are the kind ones.

The comments on the press as of late has been no exception. But lets distract ourselves for a second and recognize that Tess has been covered by so many major publications, it leaves this gal in awe. Time Magazine, People, Cosmo, CNN, Nylon, TMZ, Daily Mail, Life & Style, and dozens of others. Look at your Facebook sidebar; she's more than likely trending at this very moment. The fact that this woman's sexy mug is on every website right now is revolutionary and I'm enjoying every second of it.

But even the positive press attracts judgmental opinions, and Tess is not the only one who receives a monstrous amount of blatant hate and criticism. I am presented with my fair share of unkind words along with most of the bloggers and advocates I know. And sadly, this is not just limited to just well known personalities. The #Fatkini hashtag was attacked not too long ago, and comments were left for every user who posted a picture with the empowering tag.

For years, this vitriol has left me puzzled and asking: WHY is this happening? WHY is loving yourself so controversial? WHY U SO MAD WORLD?

Well, I learned why and it's because of a thing I like to call Body Currency.

It goes like something this: we are taught as a society that IF we achieve the ideal body that we see in traditional media (and not before) we will then obtain love, worthiness, success and ultimately- happiness.  Which is what we all want, right?

Because the vast majority of our culture buys into this, we have millions upon millions of people investing everything they have into achieving this ultimate goal. The goal being- thinness which obviously equals happiness, remember? (Note: other body "goals" also apply here, like able bodied/lighter skin color/cisgender appearance etc.) SO, they spend their lives in a perpetual state of self-loathing (its called inspiration!) while working their asses off to become that ideal. We, as Americans, sink billions of dollars into beauty products every year. Between the millions of us on diets, we gift the weight loss industry and other weight loss products over $60 billion dollars as well. 14 million of us had cosmetic procedures in 2012 and yes, that number keeps growing. Perhaps we starve ourselves or maybe we just fixate on our calorie count like it determines our salvation. Maybe we make the gym our god. Whatever we choose individually, we as a country have made 'fixing our bodies' our main obsession and we let it consume our life. This happens for most of us whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. We live to give the quest towards impossible perfection (marketed as happiness) our all.

So THEN after all of this, when a fat chick- who hasn't done the work, who hasn't tried to fix her body, who doesn't have any interest in the gospel we so zealously believe in, stands up and says: I'M HAPPY! ...we freak the fuck out.

Because: that bitch just broke the rules. She just cut in front of us in line. She just unwittingly ripped us off. And she essentially made our lifetime of work totally meaningless.

It's kind of like investing everything you own in some sort of stock and instead of it's worth increasing, you're notified that it's value is now the same as Monopoly money. All of a sudden, your investments (aka "Body Currency") have the devastating value of: zero.

I've been there and I was pissed too.

The obvious problem with Body Currency is that thinness doesn't necessarily equal happiness. It just equals money in the pockets of companies who sell us insecurity to make sure that we're repeat customers. It's a real shitty move on their part and leaves anyone who believes in the scam SOL which then makes them angry without really knowing why. So they direct all their angry feels towards those who cheated the system and found the pot of gold without doing any of the goddamn work.

Tess is the perfect target for this sort of anger and fat hate: she's successful (Italian Vogue, y'all), she's in love (he's darling and has an Australian accent), she publicly shares that she's worthy, and... goddamnit, she's fucking happy. All while being very much NOT thin.

THE NERVE! Amiright?

In a killer interview with Yahoo! Health, Virgie Tovar recaps it ever so eloquently (as she often tends to do):

"Fat” is just the current catchall word for all the things that we as a culture are afraid of: women’s rights, people refusing to acquiesce to cultural pressures of conformity, fear of mortality. [People who hate fat people] see body love as a move toward people taking charge of their lives and choosing what they want to do, no matter what the culture says. This is really scary to a lot of people. 

The anger they express is actually toward themselves. A person who hates seeing a happy, liberated person wishes they had the strength to do that, but they are too entrenched or “bought in” to the way things are right now to see it as a beautiful thing. So they see it and they hate it. … People have invested a lot of time and a lot of resources into this game that says “thin wins.” So when people see exceptions to that rule, they feel personally invalidated, personally stolen from, personally affronted." 

It falls right in line with a conversation I had with friends where we discussed the difference between reactions that apologetic fatties vs. unapologetic fatties receive. Gabi Gregg of Gabifresh nailed it by saying:

"If there is a fat person on television trying super hard to lose weight, crying about how hard life is, and talking about how they eat to cope etc, then everyone is at home crying and cheering them on. Put that same person in a crop top while they smile, and the pitchforks come out."

Preach, girl.

If a fat person buys into the same mumbo jumbo as everyone else, we might feel empathy for them. Or maybe we just allow them to exist without acknowledgement. But if they show any glimmer of happiness without following the commandments? Well then, off with their heads and LETS TELEVISE IT!

If you haven't listened to the most recent This American Life called "If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, SAY IT IN ALL CAPS", I'd recommend you do. Within this illuminating episode, Lindy West shares her constant run-ins with internet hate and recounts an unheard of instance where a particularly vile 'troll' emailed her with a genuine apology. 

It totally happened, so pick your jaw up off the floor already.

Because this girl ain't got no fear, Lindy called him up to talk about why he hated her so much. After asking him why he chose her of all people to torment, the interview went something like this:

Troll Dude: Well, it revolved around one issue that you wrote about a lot which was your being heavy-- the struggles that you had regarding being a woman of size, or whatever the term may be. 

Lindy West: You can say fat. That's what I say. 

Troll Dude: Fat. OK, fat. When you talked about being proud of who you are and where you are and where you're going, that kind of stoked that anger that I had.

Troll Dude shared that he was done with internet harassment nowadays but confessed that during the time that he lashed out at Lindy, he was living what he called a "passionless life." That he hated his body, had been dumped, and worked at a job he despised. He had the opposite of happiness.

The interesting thing is that since then, he's started school again, found a girlfriend, started teaching little kids and found fulfillment. He also no longer tries to inflict pain on others online. It's fascinating how this works. It just goes to prove what everyone has known all along: happy people don't try to purposefully hurt other people.

I mean, this isn't a well kept secret by a long shot. You'd might even go as far as to assume that this is common knowledge (and as indisputable as Ira Glass's example of the grey boxes in the podcast- omg go listen to the beginning. It's hilarious) but you'd be surprised at the amount of people who argue this simple concept. I saw a comment on a Prince Ea video (about haters and their anger) once and made me giggle because it said: "I post a few vulgar comments [...] and people auto assume I'm some unhappy asshole in real life. How about people stop being so goddamn sensitive?" 

Someone please give this guy a hug.

If we apply this simple concept about happy people to body hate, and we'll see that: people who love their bodies don't try to purposefully make other people hate their own. 

Or as Meghan Tonjes puts it: "People who disrespect the bodies of others, really don't think that much of their own. I promise."

Unfortunately, with that understood, it's no wonder we see hostility online. Why? Because the greater part of this country (and beyond) spends their time tirelessly attempting to run towards an empty dream. Because Body Currency is a farce. Because all of those people have learned to hate their current body, and most have no idea that you can think differently. But the fact of the matter is, you can; body love isn't just for fat people, it's for every person imaginable. Everyone has the right to self-love: skinny people. Fat people. Short people. Tall people. All abilities. All sizes. All shapes. All shades. All sexes. All genders. Haters and lovers alike.

After all, we're all in this bullshit together. Through out my "travels" online and IRL, I have yet to meet a woman that doesn't have something she'd like to change about her body and men are in a similar boat except they're absolutely forbidden to talk about it. We've all been fed the same lies, and while that doesn't give anyone the right to purposefully hurt others, it does give us a starting point for understanding.

Haters will continue to say whatever they feel about Tess and every other fat person that they consider to be a poor role model. They'll continue to live unaware of why they're outraged but who knows? Maybe some will wisen up. And though I wouldn't put money down on the majority (because we're just not there yet) there are people working on a societal tranformation and we're making some progress. A super fat chick signing with a London modeling agency? That's progress, my friends.

For those of you facing any kind of body hate, do me a favor: ignore those people who tell you that loving yourself is not okay. Feel sorry for the people that hate you for being happy; we all know what that kind of self-loathing feels like. It's not required- but if you can, send them body lovin' vibes because they deserve to love their whole self too. Keep on rockin' your version of your bad self. And in the words of Tess, don't forget to "Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who support you. It’s crucial to your happiness and well-being. Never compare yourself to others and celebrate what makes you, YOU."

And if you ever find yourself struggling and can't seem to shake the motherfucking hate (it gets REAL sometimes), I offer you this "life well lived" Twitter wisdom from Gabourey Sidibe as inspiration:

Find your own version of a dream job. Find your own version of a private jet. Your FAT body is not a hindrance, and it's certainly not a barrier to happiness. Only the false belief that you must change yourself in order to be okay is. You've got the power to shake the bullshit, trust me.

Now go get happy, kick some ass and LIVE already.

0

PLUS-SIZE STYLE ICON: FELICITY SMOAK

Plus Size Style Icon is a fashion series inspired by kick-ass women we love in pop culture. They may or may not be plus size themselves but GUESS WHAT? You can wear their look no matter your size because plus women deserve to rock whatever goddamn style they want. So rock it. ROCK IT HARD. If you missed the other Plus-Size Icon Posts... fix that! They include: Ms. Frizzle, Peggy Carter, Miss Fisher (my favorite), Beth Ditto, Eloise, and Hilda the plus pin-up.

-------------

In my very early twenties, I worked at a quirky used bookstore called Bookmans where my life was as two dimensional, as well, a life could get. My goals were to look awesome, sound awesome, and to own enough awesome things so everyone else would know I was awesome too.

Pretty shallow.
Fun. But shallow.

This allowed for a lot of room for "complex" media. Music that took energy to decipher (I listened to the bands you've never heard of, so I could tell you that you've never heard of them and then explain to you why they were "life changing." I was THAT guy), books that tore your soul out and stomped them on the ground (or McSweeny's because: hipster), and documentaries that were so depressing you had to smoke a LOT of weed to enjoy them (you know what I'm talking about)... yeah. Those things.

BUT everything changed when I went into social services. My energy was zapped from giving it to everyone around me, my mental stamina was taxed at the end of the day from solving crises and all I wanted afterwards was... ANYTHING that didn't make me work to understand it. I started listening to pop music (I'm a Swifter; 21 year old me is horrified), reading popular books (like, Oprah's Book Club popular. Again, horrified) and watching action packed everything.

This post is about action packed everything. More specifically, action packed shows like: Agent Carter (watch it because it's really great), The Flash, Agents of Shield and most of all Arrow; but basically anything with a really predictable plot, basic characters, and enough production value that you don't notice the production value.

I love them.
Like love, love.

Two seasons into Arrow I found myself undistracted enough by the predictable plots and characters to notice one person's style which led to the following epiphany: Holy fuck. All I want to do is dress like Felicity Smoak.

Felicity Smoak is an MIT grad, IT extraordinaire, Hacker Goddess and... super geek chic lady. The polka dot blouses. The fuchsia lipstick. The kitschy sweaters. The cut out dresses. The platform heels. The only good one liners in the entire show... dear God, if you let me come back as one fictional character please let it be her.

While not plus-size herself, her style transcends the front row of department stores and belongs on all shapes and sizes.... but that can only happen if you look hard enough. So I looked hard enough. Anthropologie would have been the perfect one stop shop for all things Smoak, but because they don't necessarily cater to fat girls, I decided to hunt down Felicity inspired pieces myself on other websites... some available in straight sizes, but ALL available in PLUS. 

She is SUCH a babe, and you are SO welcome.





1 // Blue Cut-Out Dress (Cut outs forever)
2 // Black/Brown Platform Sandals (Does any one else find these sexy as hell?)
3 // Polka Dot Blouse (Wear everywhere)
4 // Black Pencil Skirt (With everything)
5 // Heart Cardigan (Because: hearts, duh)
6 // Scarlet Lace Top (Sexy and "appropriate")
7 // Black Cut-Out Dress (OMG give me this)
8 // Plated Drop Earrings ($3!!!)
9 // Two Tone Glasses (Her exact ones)
10 // Sheer Black Top (I have it and I love it)
11 // Patterned Mini-Skirt (The size can say no, but the stretch always says yes)
12 // Block Color Black and White Print Dress (Her block dress was my favorite)
13 // Black, White, and Red "Profesh" Dress  (Classy. So fucking classy.)
14 // Blush Heels (SO darling.)
15 // Navy Skirt (With flair)
16 // Watercolor Cream Blouse (Reminiscent of this)
17// MAC Lipstick in Candy Yum Yum  (The color is perfection)
18 // Black Velvet Platform Heels (Inexpensive basics are the best basics.)

My favorite of them all being of course, the red white and black polka dot dress ensemble because... red white and black with polka dots, duh. But really, I dig 'em all.

I've done several other (equally random) Style Icon posts about Hilda the Pin-Up and Eloise (I'm the only 28 year old in the world that wants to dress like she's 6, apparently) and I'll be doing more as we go. Who would you like to see a plus size wardrobe of? Who's your fashion inspiration? Tell me and maybe I can work it in!

For now though, I gotta run. IT'S TIME TO START SEASON THREE!

0

7 TIPS FOR TAKING YOUR FIRST EVER BOUDOIR PHOTOS

Fact: boudoir isn't just for brides-to-be's in hotel suites anymore. It's for everyone, including you and me, girl.

Another fact: I'm no stranger to baring skin in the name of body love.

From being pressed between a wall and a male model while topless for Abercrombie, to stripping for 100 women in Expose, to being fully nude in a window posing for Substantia Jones in NYC... I've done some really kick ass nude-y photo shoots, y'all.

But even after all that, boudoir photography has always been a titch scary to me (which always means, of course that I absolutely must do it. ) and I was never totally sure why. It could have been because of the overt sexiness required, or maybe it's the fact that it isn't often a fat acceptance practice and almost every article is about how to look "better" (read: skinnier) in the photos. But none of that matters much anymore... I've tried it! And I'm glad I did.

Not only was it a personal victory, but quite frankly a ferocious act in the name of body love. Obvious truth: the world needs more sexy and unapologetic fat girl photos and I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!

Because of my hesitancy (and success!) with all this, I want to share with you what I've learned, not only from previous nekkid shoots, but from this one as well. Taking this type of photo can be tricky for those who feel insecure with their bodies or sexuality, but I want to walk you through some real talk so this can be a victorious option for you too.

Now, I'm not going to give you tips on how to look "sexiest" or poses that make you look thinner. If you really want those, the internet has them aplenty. Instead, I want to give you the 8 things I learned along the way... and hopefully they make taking revealing (and therefore vulnerable) photos a super duper fucking amazing experience! Because GODDAMN IT, you're sexy and you deserve to feel it.

1.) Choose a safe location that speaks to you. Your bedroom. A hotel room. The back room of a Mexican restaurant.... Yes, these photos we're totally taken in the back room of a Mexican restaurant. I shit you not.

I put out a request to my friends for location suggestions and a pal internet yelled SIR VEZAS and I laughed. But I did some research and found out that their "Low Rider Room" was rentable and full of sparkly gold booths and painted car hoods. I was SOLD.

So be creative! Choose a place that feels safe (obviously my safe may be different than another persons) whether it be remote, private, somewhat public (we had a cloth curtain for a door)... you choose. Some of the sexiest boudoir photos I've ever seen were taken in a backyard pool. Some models in white t-shirts, and some in lingerie and heels. Yes, heels in a pool. FUCK, IT WAS HOT. That's all I have to say about that.

2.) Have your hair and makeup done professionally. I highly recommend this! Whether it's a professional in a salon, someone who does it from home, or a friend that's awesome with an eye shadow palate... have THEM do it. While I am absolutely capable of contouring and applying lashes, it feels like such a luxurious experience to have someone else doing the application. Almost like the ultimate form of photo self-care. Trust me on this one.



3.) Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. If you're wanting to try something new (maybe this is the perfect opportunity to wear that fetish outfit you've been dreaming about) go for it! If you find yourself worrying about what to wear, I'd recommend whatever feels comfortable and sexy to you, even if it's not "traditional boudoir lingerie." I really wanted to rock a casual tank top that showed a little bit of nipple and then a more feminine look with lace and ribbons. Both of these I've worn to bed in real life, and eradicating the nervousness of trying to figure out how to work with my clothing while shooting was wonderful. You do YOU, whatever that means

4.) Choose a photographer you trust. This can be a little tricky, because you also want someone who has skills so that the quality of the photography isn't a distraction. Look locally for someone that you know, friends recommend, or you like their work. If you've never met them and you'd like to make sure you can jive with them on this sort of shoot, ask if you can meet them beforehand. It never hurts to ask, and perhaps they'll be game! Connection with a photographer MATTERS.

I'd only met Rosie from No Regrets Photography in passing, but she's worked with every model I know in Tucson and beyond. She's not a straight sized lady either, and this along with the fact that she's famous for alternative photography helped me feel comfortable. I'm thrilled I chose her for these images; they're as fierce as I hoped.

5.) Be prepared that it might be a little hard. I was NOT expecting it to be difficult. I'm no stranger to compromising shoots, and I figured- I'm not even going to be nude, and there's going to lingerie... How hard can it be? The answer? Kinda hard.

I was having a rough day before hand which couldn't have helped, but during the shoot I found myself worried about the poses. More specifically, I was worried about my stomach. I wanted to minimize it (silly me) but I also wanted to push my boundaries and do poses that were outside my comfort zone... which meant tummy. What I ended up doing was stopping and saying "Ohmygod I'm having such a hard time with my stomach. Lemme breathe for a sec." That was all I needed. I sucked it up (not in) and shot the rest of the poses with confidence... real and perceived.

6.) HAVE FUN! Have so much fun. This is about you, and celebrating you. Call all the shots, be the boss and celebrate! (Also, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: at almost all of the nude shoots I've done, wine has been available. Don't get schwasty, but a glass certainly doesn't hurt.)

7.) Look for yourself  in the photos. This is perhaps the most important part. We do this terrible thing, where we look in the mirror or at pictures and we expect to see a thin model. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN UNLESS YOU ARE A THIN MODEL. So stop that shit. The second you start looking for you is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. There is not one definition of beauty. You are absolutely perfect just as you are. Try to find that.

8.) Show the images to someone else. (BONUS TIP! This is too critical to not share.) We sometimes have the urge to hide hard things from others. We only put our "best" pictures on FB and un-tag any image a friend adds that we hate. I'm going to ask you to do the opposite of that.

When you get your images back, sit with them (hopefully you'll love them!) and then show them to someone. Whether it be your lover, partner, a friend, your social media network... just show them.

I had a terrifying experience with the last Expose shoot, where in a moment of encouragement for others to do the same, I stripped down to nothing and struck a powerful pose. After I saw the image... well, I lost it. I hated it more than I've ever hated an image of myself before. It felt masculine and my short hair only seemed to exacerbate this. I saw the "flaws." I saw that belly.

I sat on the image for weeks, loathing my body until I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to know if it was as awful as my critical mind said it was. So with tears in my eyes, I sat down with my boyfriend and showed it to him. Guess what he saw? A goddamn sexy woman he was in that he was love with.

We certainly don't need to define our worth by what others think of us, but we also don't need to pretend that support cant be helpful. Our perception of ourselves is often skewed because of our lifetime of shame, and sometimes an outside perspective can be wonderful.

So share them! When I got my proofs from this shoot, I was at a karaoke bar in NYC and showed them to everyone. Friends and strangers alike. I then shared them on Facebook and no one was blinded, traumatized or offended. In fact, the pictures blew a few minds and probably caused a few boners.

Try it. I guarantee you won't die if you do.



I LOVED these photos; belly, thighs and all. (Note: I asked to not be Photoshopped, and though I see a teeny bit of softening on the skin, the shapes, rolls, and dimples are all there, thank god!) When I look at these images, I see a confident chick that gives so many less fucks than she ever has before. I see internal power. Sexiness. Happiness. All the good things.

Now, it's okay if you don't love yours when you first see them. It's okay if you cry a little bit; this is a really brave thing to do. If you happen to love them, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. You totally deserve some self-worship and "Jesus GOD, I'm hot!" thoughts. For those who have trouble with the end result, hopefully the shock of seeing your scantily clad selves will wear off  and you'll slowly start to love what you see.

My motto: Does it scare you? Then do it!
And share on my Facebook page so I can see it, duh.

Have you taken boudoir photos? Any tips? Leave 'em below so we all can benefit!

--------

Details: Red shelf bra and cage panties (in white) from Hips and Curves. Black shoes from JustFab, tank from Target, and ruffled undies from Hips and Curves.  Hair and MUA done by Arkane Studio. All photography by No Regrets Photography.

P.S. There is always the option of trying it yourself with a self timer and tripod if you're wanting to see how it goes before jumping all in! A sponsor suggested helpful site for Nikon lenses which is the brand of camera I happen to have;)  There are also SO many ways to use Lightroom if you do end up choosing to go the self-photography route- see more here! Cheering you on!

0

THE 6 BLOGS I READ EVERYDAY

(Unbearable cuteness via here)

I'm working on a KILLER resource guide for you all that includes basically every body positive site and blog out there (well, maybe not every one, but a monumental sampling) but it's a huge undertaking. So while I'm doing that, I wanted to share with you my daily blog reads. Y'know- the ones that are amazing enough take up a tiny part of that sacred and overflowing space on your toolbar. These are the first 6 favicons on mine.

They're not all body related, but they all uplift or inspire, and that's good enough for me.

A Beautiful Mess. So here's my confession: when I started writing "real" blog posts back in the day (instead of my usual fluffy vintage kitchenware posts), my first article was straight up criticism about Elsie Larson because I thought was clever. I wasn't. But my point was solid and there: I was wanting an internet full of honesty and I was growing tired of "personal lifestyle" blogs that were nothing but shiny, perfect, false representations of life. And A Beautiful Mess was one of the biggest offenders, in my newby blogger mind.

I was an unguided asshole back then, but we all start somewhere humbling, right? RIGHT?

Right.

Since then, A Beautiful Mess has purposefully changed from a personal lifestyle blog to the Millennial's version of a Martha Stewart wet dream and holy fuck I love it so hard. It's still shiny and perfect, but it's not calling itself real life... it's called DIY inspiration and I respect that.

Here's what I love about Elsie and Emma: they're bad-ass boss bitches. They've worked their asses off and created a million dollar company from the ground up. They have e-courses, Photoshop packages, apps, two books, a stationary business, phone cases, and a dozen people working with them. It's seriously impressive. I also love that they have so many haters. It seems so hilarious that two people who make bracelets and pies for a living can attract such venom, but it only goes to show that angry people will be angry at whomever they can. I appreciate that Elsie and Emma keep on doing their shit anyways.

And beyond all that goodness, I just fucking love the cheerfulness that exudes from their blog every day. It's a carefully curated reminder that you can have sunshine in your house if you just make a no-sew white polka dotted curtain set. That, or you just open a window.

I don't know where I was going with this.

SUNSHINE. YAY.

Gala Darling. Another carefully curated and vibrant blog. Reasons why I love her: first of all, Gala calls herself Gala. Mad props for changing your name to reflect your vibe. Secondly, I just read a sentence on her blog that said "throw confetti on your soul" and THAT solidified my crush.

Gala will occasionally elude to the hard stuff in life, but more often than not she just poses for dazzling pictures, encourages women to take life by the ovaries, and shares a glittery representation of what's possible. I think that because my world is SO full of social justice, it comes with a lot of heavy, hard, and difficult situations. I'm pretty sure that this is why I'm so drawn to pages like Gala Darling's.. it's balances out the emotional kick to the gut and provides a reminder that there are adventures to have, money to make, and empowerment to feel.

I'm grateful for that reminder.

The Clueless Girl's Guide. Formerly Honeybee in the City, TCGG is run by Kaelah  and is a blog I've been reading since the beginning. I found her through lifestyle blogs when I first started following that sort of thing, and I instantly fell in love with her wigs. She's usually wig-less nowadays (brunette FTW) and always has a baby on her hip, but I still love her blog for the creativity, tattoos, and the occasional easily digestible real talk. I scroll through it every morning like a champ.

Brittany Herself. This bitch needs to be my best friend. And actually, I'm composing a sonnet for her in hopes to woo her into being just that. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not and she's just as excited about it as I am.

Honestly, Brittany is new to me in comparison to the others I often read. I remember seeing her interview on ModCloth, but I hadn't delved into her blog and archives until fairly recently. I'm so in hearts it's making my boyfriend jealous.

Not really, but it should.

I guess it's just because her blog is everything I think a blog should be. Hilarious. Honest. Hard to read. Easy to read. Truthful. Vulgar. Original. And Inspiring. I've been burnt out on blogging for so long my soul started to die, but after reading Brittany Herself, I'm ready and rearing to go. Now if I could only make it past this book deadline. I shouldn't be blogging right now, but I can't help but use it as an avoidance tactic. Don't tell anyone.

Short version: I FUCKING love her and you will too, if you don't already.

The Dainty Squid. Also a Kaylah, and also someone I've been following for years. This chick covered (like covered, covered) in tattoos and takes pictures of her cats. Therefore, I think she's pretty rad. Her blog is anything but controversial and opinionated, but I still love scrolling through her outfit posts, images of abandoned buildings, and displays of dental paraphernalia. 

And I'll use the Oxford comma as much as I want, thankyouverymuch.

The Bloggess. I really don't know if I have words to describe how much of an amazing human being Jenny Lawson is. I mean, she named her online shop "EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE" so your bill with be more interesting, for chrissakes. At least that what she says. And I want to believe her so bad.

She mostly blogs about daily living with the epic hilarity her army of fans know so well, and she also talks candidly about mental illness. Dear god we need more funny voices to do the same so we can get rid of the sucky stigma. Thanks Jenny, for being a brilliantly dark beacon of hope and light for those of us that need to chuckle at how weird life can be.

-----------------

Honestly, there are HUNDREDS of worthy blogs (and we're not even talking about webpages!) out there... all amazing (I'm especially thinking of some radical plus-size fashion blogs with women who kick so much ass) but these are just the ones that I click through every morning with my coffee. Light reading. Happy reading. Hilarious reading. The best kind of reading to start your day with.

What are your blogs that you read every day? I'd love to know, and maybe I can add them into my rotation!

0

I WEAR WHAT I WANT: BRIGHT ASS CLOTHING IN NYC

The only thing better than spending the holidays in NYC is spending the holidays in NYC for free while wearing a hot dog dress.

Y'fuckingknowwhatimean?
I honestly hope you do, because holy jesus it's amazing.

A friend who was headed home for Christmas was looking for someone to dog-sit and stay at her apartment in Harlem while she was gone. Because I happen to work wherever there is wifi, I raised my hand real high and she picked me (!!!) and took care of the accommodations.

God damn it, what an amazing time.



I managed to master the art of blending in on the day I wore a bright ass orange coat with a dress covered in ice cream, cake, hamburger, hot dogs, and candy. In a place where everyone ignores everyone else, this dress had strangers in the subway stopping to compliment it. THAT's how much I blended in.

But honestly, I wore bright colors every day I was there (I'll never learn.) This was my favorite.

The first half of the time there was spent on my own, starting every day with a dog walk and ending each day with the same. There is something about coming "home" to furry roommates  that just beats a hotel stay every time. Also, Harlem was the friendliest experience I've ever had while in NYC, and I fell in love with the area while there. You should try it sometime. A little while in, my boy came to join me and we spent New Year's Eve watching the ball drop on television at a kick-ass pinball arcade that was everything but crowded. The perfect way to watch the ball drop in NYC if you ask me.

I've done the ball drop in Time Square before, but I value my personal space and ability to breathe too much to ever try it again.

My handsome guy hadn't been to Manhattan since he was a young 'un, so we spent some time visiting the tourist traps (we enjoyed walking around Toys R' Us way more than we should have- though next time I'm definitely riding the indoor Ferris wheel) and the rest of the time with local friends who showed us the hidden gems.

This combination of famous + unknown comes highly recommended.

A podcast with Legs Malone called "Lunch with Legs" was an AMAZING way to start a day off in Brooklyn. We talked body love, mental health, self care, and why autonomy will save the world. It will be listed here soon.

What isn't pictured (because we were all too excited to be together) was meeting with Amanda Trusty and Isabel Foxen Duke. Both are women that work towards sharing body love and both are also magnificent humans. It was so wonderful to have a chance to finally meet them both. We had some great conversations that will definitely end up in my book.

This may seem like a weird thing, but while there I also fell head over heels in love... with my glasses (these ones specifically). I swear to god. It saved us walking half a block in any direction to see where we were supposed to be going before having to turn around and walk the other way. This normally happens about 1,987,362 times when I visit NYC; Google Maps only does so much. THANK YOU WARBY PARKER for letting me see both the 88th st and 89th st signs while standing in one place. It's the little things.

The little (letters on a far away sign kinda) things.

Traveling with your person is a TOTALLY different experience... especially for me as the perpetual solo traveler that I am. I wont lie though, sharing the hangries, museum moments, nap times and crowded subway rides really makes for some great memories.

Have you been to NYC? Are you from NYC? I'll be going back soon for work I'm sure, so tell me: what DON'T I want to miss next time? Whats the best experience you've had there?

0

THIS YEAR, #LOVETHEMIRROR

(All images by Jade Beall Photography)

I'm sure you've made your resolutions by now, and feel as though you've gotten them all. And while this could be true, I have a feeling you might have forgotten the most important one.  We'd would like to offer you a suggestion to add to your list. A suggestion that could change everything: this year, we propose that we all resolve to love the mirror.

#LoveTheMirror.

Love your body and what you see... just as you are now. 

Not later. Not "after". 

Now.

People might ask why we would choose something so superficial. Something, almost narcissistic. To which we reply: the reality of our world is that we are more likely to be told that we are "good people" than anything else. Funny, creative, intelligent, communicative, generous, maybe even extraordinary. What we are NOT told is that our bodies are perfect just the way they are. We are taught that our body is flawed, and not only is it flawed, but that the majority of our worth lies within our physical appearance. Which, of course is never “perfect enough” by societies standards. This affects our lives on a monumental level, as our bodies are the vessel we move throughout the world in.

Our bodies are installation art that we curate publicly. Our bodies are our personal bookmarks in the world. Our bodies are magnificent houses for everything else that we are.  Our bodies are a part of us, just like our kindness, talents, and passion. Yes, we are so much more than our outer shell, but our outer shell is an integral part of our being too. This is why loving the mirror is critical for complete and total self acceptance. 

To showcase what loving the mirror could look like, we invited 29 models into the photography studio of the magnificent Jade Beall. We asked the participants to come wearing whatever made them feel most confident... and the variety within these choices was beautiful. Some brought roller skates, some their violin. Some came in their dance clothing, some in their underwear. Some took off their shirts and some wore seven layers of clothing. And then one donned nothing but a gorgeous pink furry coat. 

After each person modeled, I asked them a few questions in the back room before they left. The most pivotal question being: why is loving the mirror important? The answers varied extensively and listening to all of them left me teary by the end of the night. The wisdom and stories shared were overwhelmingly profound and they reminded me that we (all sizes, shapes, shades, sexes, genders, and ages) are indeed in this together. And with our togetherness, we are strong.

I love everything about these photos. The smudged, imperfect mirrors. The flawless, completely perfect bodies. The potent personalities. The variations of confidence. And the superimposed wisdom shared by each of these beautiful people.

Wondering why loving the mirror is so important? Here are 29 reasons, given by people from all walks of life, along their own body love journey:

Rick was able to sussinctly encapsulate our entire message in one statement: it's only the person in the mirror that gets to decide if they are worthy. And that means that the person who holds the life changing power is... you.This year, decide that you are worthy of self-love, just as you are. And while you are most definitely free make all the changes you'd like, just know that if you didn't change a thing you'd be more than okay. In fact, you'd be perfect.It might take more than a year. I think I'll be learning to love the mirror for the rest of my life... but this year is the perfect year to start the journey. Because now is when it's needed.Will you join us this year and love the mirror?

0