"Help Me Never Make This Face Again!" or, an Intern Call for The Militant Baker

Guyz, I've made this face every day for a month. And while I KNOW you think it's sexy and I should make it more often, I have to let you know that The Militant Baker has finally outgrown it's one woman (side)show. I now need an INTERN! Or two. So yeah, I'll make this face less, but I'll also sleep more and have time to write, photograph, travel, clean off my couch and work my full time job. Just kidding about the couch, I'll probably just hire a house cleaner. 

I had my "Intern Finder" create a position description and if you're interested (or know someone who might be) follow the directions below! I'll be looking for both an "Ass Kicker" and a "Name Taker". It's going to be an amazing journey full of incredible opportunities and I look forward to working with my new team while changing the world militant style!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Militant Baker needs YOUR help!

New exciting adventures and feats are pouring into the Militant Baker’s inbox, and a growing voice for more Body Love resources and discourse needs to be met…but even this amazing woman can’t do it all by herself!

The Militant Baker welcomes individuals (college students and new pumped professionals preferred) who aspire to work alongside her mission of Body Love, Acceptance, and Empowerment to apply to be interns.  Two internship positions are open at the moment for the following aid:

Militant Baker Blog Intern: “Organizational Manager Extraordinaire”

Primary responsibilities include…

1.      Managing & organizing Email

2.      Managing & organizing Militant Baker events and work calendar

3.      Managing, tracking, and coding Blog comments

4.      Identifying, seeking, and managing potential collaborator and/or benefiter offers

Militant Baker Body Love Conference Intern: “Working-It Coordinator”

Primary responsibilities include…

1.      Managing & organizing conference Email

2.      Conducting opportunity/market research and collaboration offers for conference

3.      Creating conference materials (i.e., workshop applications, volunteer applications, vendor applications, conference pamphlets, advertising/flyers, etc.)

4.      Managing high profile contributors’/guests’ needs (i.e., flights, accommodations, etc.)

5.      Sending out “Thank You!” materials to conference donors

*Both internship positions require roughly 10-20 hours of work per week.

*Committed, self-motivated, caring, and enthusiastic individuals with a keen eye for detail and professionalism are ideal for these positions and for the work at hand.

Though no financial reimbursement will be provided, these internship positions will provide great educational, networking, and professional activism experiences for anyone interested in Body Love and Empowerment, blogging development, and/or connecting with an amazing, diverse community of body-positive people from all walks of life.

To apply, please send the following to thekitschentruck@gmail.com:

1. Cover Letter explaining interest and qualifications
2. Resume/CV
3. Contact Info
4. Three references 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hit me up bitches! Erm, sorry; supposed to be professional... so "contact me at your earliest convenience" okay?

EDIT: Ladies and Gents, if you don't live near Tucson but would like to apply... do so. At least one of these positions will be available via teh web. Can't wait to hear from you!

Much,
Me

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do: #18 Wear Shirts With Glitter

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do is an unabashed middle finger to the preposterous idea that any human who weighs more than the status quo does not deserve to live a full and well rounded (ahem) life. The list of 25 is composed word for word from direct lists of sheer assholery found on the internet. These range from the absurd to the profoundly shameful, and I will be disproving this offensive notion with style. Feel free to join in on the fun, and if you do, link at the bottom so I can share. May the Chub Club live long and prosper!

--------------------------------------------------

It's not that I believe that there is ever an intelligent theory behind the items on this list (I mean, we're obviously not dealing with highly evolved human beings here), but this particular one I truly can't figure out. Fat people shouldn't wear glitter because... we wear excess fabric and you're afraid the reflection will sear a hole in a retina or two?

Guys, I know that seems silly but I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that there is a somewhat legitimate concern to back up this ridiculous "Shouldn't". Well, anyways, I've never personally been blinded by any amount of glitter, so I'll just put that out there and you can do with it what you will. Shit, when I was a rebellious 6 year old I stared at the sun just because I wasn't supposed to, and I still aint got no burnt eyeballs. Can't imagine glitter out shining the sun, but what do I know?

I've been feeling pretty boss lately so I ditched the shirt idea and wore my glittertastic dress around Manhattan. I received multiple compliments, and witnessed zero clutching of eyeballs accompanied by screams of pain. I think I'll keep the glitter thank you, and I'll take yours if you don't want it!

Wanna join in? Grab some glittery garb and then write about it. I wanna know if you incinerate anyone, so don't forget to link up at the bottom of this post! The full list is here. Now go show them who's boss.

Emily Rems: Genuine, Grounded, and Gorgeous.

Emily Rems is fierce, feminine, funny, phenomenal (yes that counts!) and fucking fabulous. And about a million other incredible qualities that don't start with "F". She is currently the Managing Editor at Bust Magazine and I interviewed her yesterday over coffee for the upcoming issue of Volup2. You can look forward to some life changing advice from her this summer, and while you wait I offer you some pictures of us cavorting around the Union Square farmers market. I plan on seeing her beautiful face again in October whether she likes it or not. Cheers!

"This One Thing I Really Love About My Body": Meg from Miles from Ordinary

--------------

"This One Thing I Really Love About My Body" is a no nonsense challenge for all of us to put our self admiration into words when it comes to something we never allow ourselves to talk about... body pride. Its a difficult task that counters everything we've learned, but I'm offering you a chance to thwart self hate and submit what you love about you. It could be a body part, it could be a physical attribute, it could be a strength... anything that comes to mind. Other entries are found here and here.

--------------

  

She's Got Legs.

Each and every time I have sat down to write this, I end up singing ZZ Tops song Legs and inevitably get the jam stuck in my head. Don't get me wrong, it's a great tune.....just a little distracting.

I've been thinking about this project since the first time Jes wrote about it and then reading subsequent submissions from other amazing women. I hesitate to put myself and this contribution in the same category, but I digress.

It is incredibly easy to look in the mirror and pick apart all the things we don't like about ourselves It is so easy to say “well, if this was a little bit bigger” or “if that was a little (or a lot) smaller” it'd be a game changer! If those things were different, then I would totally love myself.

But looking in them mirror and loving what you see look back at you is far from easy. And if we're all completely honest, some days it just plain sucks. There are the days when I look like a hot mess. My hair won't cooperate. Or my face has decided that even in my 30's I should still have to wage an insane war with ache. Or my breasts aren't sitting where they are supposed to be, the dress I am wearing makes me look preggo and whatever other annoying issue or flaw I happen to find that morning which is really distracting.

It's those crappy days though that made me realize there is one part of my body I never complain about.

My legs.

I've always been a legs kind of girl to begin with (I'm looking at you, Justin Verlander, in your super tight baseball pants). They are the first thing I notice on a guy. One could blame it on my first real crush growing up—he ran, played basketball and had an amazing set of legs. But whatever the reason, it seems only natural that it would carry over in my own life and that my legs would be my favorite part of my body.

Sure, my legs are super pale and white all year round (no tan is a healthy tan). My thighs absolutely touch and jiggle when I run. They are covered in childhood scars. And scrapes and bruises from a lack of balance while doing yoga. But I love them all the same.

They are unbelievably strong. They carry me for miles when I run and am convinced I'm going to fail and can't possibly take another step. Sometimes they've a mind of their own and walk me away from situations and people that my heart can't quite manage to let go of. They look pretty damn good when I wear my little black dress and fancy red shoes. And most importantly they remind me of my grandmother who was the kindest, strongest, most loving person I ever had the honor of knowing even  if she did always apologize for passing along “such an unfortunate trait” (i.e. she always said she thought her legs looked “kind of funny”).

While others may think my skirts/dresses are too shortly and my legs aren't quite long enough or tone enough or tan enough, I will always (and proudly) show them off but not just because I love them and how they make me feel. It will be because they are a constant reminder of who I am, what I am, where I am going and where I come from.  

--------------

Thank you Meg for your beautiful articulation; You are a gorgeous human inside and out. Your post left me with a smile and also allowed a sigh of relief as I was able to publish something meaningful on my little quiet blog while I gather my own thoughts worth typing.  You can visit Meg's blog Miles from Ordinary here. Prepare yourself to fall head over heels for her brain. It's inevitable.

THE BODY LOVE CONFERENCE! It's Here!

GUYZ ZOMG. It's finally here! We're finally to the point where we get to raise the funds for THE BODY LOVE CONFERENCE! I'm gonna ask you to share the hell out of this campaign. I have learned that if you pour your heart and soul into something positive... the sky is the limit when it comes to the opportunities. That's the honest to god truth. SO, while this particular campaign may be for a one day conference... it wont end there. It is going to continue to impact lives and transform itself into a magnificent whirlwind of social change. And all of us can be a part of that. Now, on to the deets and a video wherein I make approximately 793 ridiculous faces (enjoy!):

The Body Love Conference (BLC) will be a high energy, positive and progressive event where women can come together to build a community in a supportive environment while participating in revolutionary presentations and workshops. Subjects covered in the conference will include: the history of the beauty myth, the concept of aging, post-birth bodies, how to alter clothing, body positive movement (yoga, burlesque, belly dancing etc.), self expression through writing, how to counteract self hate, and why it’s crucial to challenge social norms. The conference is to be held at the University of Arizona (Tucson, Az) in April of 2014, contingent on funding.

As women we see over 200 negative body image advertisements on television per day. This is a direct extension of a historical marketing scheme that was created to encourage women to purchase perfection. While this earns the weight loss industry billions of dollars every year, it comes at an extremely high cost to the rest of us. This marketing scheme is a large contributor towards major social ills we have today, including: depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem, poor relationship skills, suicide attempts and more.

Talking about this issue is a critical step towards a healthier and happier society, and I propose the perfect conversation starter is the Body Love Conference.

We need your support through donations!

We have started our goal at $10,000 which covers just the necessities of an event that will adequately host 150 women. Funds raised will be distributed into core areas of need: facility fees, catering costs, technology rental, travel necessities for keynote speaker, workshop materials, instructor compensation, resource sharing, potential scholarship funds, and miscellaneous taxes + fees.

IF WE WERE TO RAISE FUNDS BEYOND OUR INITIAL GOAL, we would be able to expand our dream conference and open up even more opportunities for participants! This conference will be as big as our funding allows, and you get to help us grow our movement into something truly monumental! Anything raised beyond the $10,000 will be used for additional seats, instructors, scholarships, materials, and resources as well as creating an online archive so that the entire world can view the presentations from the event.

We have 30 days to make this dream a reality; I know we will be successful!

Share this shit, and support this mission will ya? It's in all of our best interest to whip this world into body lovin' shape. I even made you a button for your cute little blog, if you're into that kind of thing.

<div align="center"><a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-body-love-conference" title="The Militant Baker"><img src="http://i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii511/themilitantbaker/buttonforconference_zps28cb2342.jpg" alt="The Militant Baker" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

So many hugs and kisses,

Me

Advertise on The Militant Baker STAT

Legit reasons why you wanna:

1.) You love me

2.) I'm fucking adorable

3.) Because I've gotten over two million hits in the last 3 days.

2,113,763 to be exact. That's a lot of readers that can see your cute little image on my side bar. If you're interested, click here.

P.S. There is a new "Spotlight" size, but only one and it's gonna go fast. Better hop to it!
P.P.S. This is the dress I wore on the TODAY show, and it will be available from CandyStrike on June 1st. Gear up for an obscene amount of awesome!

How To Get a Sexy Swimsuit Body In Less Than 5 Minutes!

How To Get a Sexy Swimsuit Body In Less Than 5 Minutes:

0:01: retrieve preferred swimsuit

0:02: put on said swimsuit

0:03: look in mirror

0:04: exclaim "HOT DAMN I am one sexy bitch!"

Optional: strut like you just don't care.

 No really. It works. Try it.

Today we stayed at The Golden Nugget surrounded by hundreds of tattooed punk rockers that were visiting for some sort of bad ass bowling convention. I was asked if I was there for the event, and I took it as a complement. I must look like a kick ass broad.

We chose this hotel to check a goal off my list of "2013 Adventures". I mentioned here that I have a paralyzing fear of sharks and because I'm not ready for a shark cage, a reader suggested this pool. Below is my genuine reaction in which I apparently clinch my fists for safety and make ridiculous faces. Guys, that shark had a shit ton of teeth.

The pool also had an enclosed water slide that goes through the tank, and while I was waiting to go down the 8 year old in line tried to convince me they also had a great white. How DID HE KNOW what would cause a meltdown? But it's obvious that I made it out alive, so that's cool. Check, and done.

And because I know you're going to ask, the swimsuit is from Walmart. Though my ethical soul wants to shun them, my fashionable fat chick tends to have the last word. Its amazingly hard to find boob supporting suits in Tucson stores. I also have a bikini, but that's for another post and I'll be sure to share some online favorites as well.

Off to answer emails! Opportunities await.

What shop carries your favorite suits? Do share!

NYC? Check! Vegas, Here I Come!

I’ve been on adventure people! I finished a whirlwind trip to NYC (the weather was gloomy but I wasn't!) that gave me one hour to get the airport and 22 hours to rock the face off the city. 3 hours was spent exploring Times Square, 13 hours was spent on the phone and Skype doing interviews, and a grand total of 6 hours was spent sleeping after an epic 36 hour day. I’m a superhero, and also excited to sleep for a week. 

Just kidding! My mom and I are going on a killer road trip to Las Vegas in 10 minutes so I can conquer my fear of sharks, be interviewed (by phone) for the BBC, and talk about being a fabulous fatty on a kick ass radio show.

I picked up a babe-ly polka dot swimsuit to wear, so there will definitely be pictures. And after that… well, I’m going to see where life takes me.

I’m making that face because Cookie Monster was getting a liiiiiiiittle too friendly. Thank god Elmo was a gentleman; I tipped him extra. And a special thanks to NBC... guys, that was great.

What would YOU like to see me do next?

The "Militant Tour". P.S. I Love You All.

Over the last 24 hours, the Internet has shown up at my doorstep with about six barrels of sunshine and only a few bombs. My inbox is overflowing with messages of encouragement and thanks, and this is my attempt to say thank you - to each and every one of you who has reached out.

You have brightened my day, nay, my life with your immeasurable support and I owe you all the squishiest of hugs and sloppiest of kisses.

To all of you who have sent me "hell yeahs" and "get it, grrrl"- have no fear. I'm gettin' this shit. And I'm gettin' it good. 

To all of those who have asked how you can help- Let me locate my sanity first and I'll get back to you on that. 

To those who have shared intimate details from your personal journey to illustrate how similar stories can be- thank you for that honor. We're all fighting the good fight, and if there is one thing I've learned its that the bad is all too soon forgotten and the good always keeps going. 

To all of you who have thanked me for doing whatever it is that I do- I thank you. You are the reason that I continue to challenge social norms even when the going gets uncomfortable as hell. You are the inspiration behind learning to love myself just the way I am. And YOU are the reason I aint quittin'. So don't leave now, y'hear? We've got a world to change!

Here's the thing people: I'm still your regular ol' Militant Baker. I love writing on my blog and I'll be back in full force in the very near future. There was no way I could have prepared for the thrilling response to my last article so you'll have to forgive me while I run off and do incredible things like television shows, newspaper articles, and radio interviews. Give me a little bit of time to respond, and I promise that you'll hear from me.

Now quit fucking reading this droll post and go do something phenomenal with yourself!

Today the interwebs... tomorrow the WORLD!
Well, actually, tomorrow I'll be on the TODAY show. So make sure you catch that shit.

All of the kisses and hugs you could ever want, 
Me

To: Mike Jeffries, c/o Abercrombie & Fitch

May 19, 2013

Mike Jeffries
c/o Abercrombie & Fitch
Abercrombie & Fitch Campus
6301 Fitch Path
New Albany, Ohio 43054

Hey Mike,

I know you've been flooded with mail regarding your comments on sizeism, but I wanted to take a second to write you about a project I've been working on.

As a preface: Your opinion isn't shocking; millions share the same sentiment. You've used your wealth and public platform to echo what many already say. However, it’s important you know that regardless of the numbers on your tax forms, your comments don't stop anyone from being who they are; the world is progressing in inclusive ways whether you deem it cool or not. The only thing you've done through your comments (about thin being beautiful and only offering XL and XXL in your stores for men) is reinforce the unoriginal concept that fat women are social failures, valueless, and undesirable. Your apology doesn't change this.

Well, actually, that's not all you have done. You have also created an incredible opportunity for social change.

Never in our culture do we see sexy photo shoots that pair short, fat, unconventional models with not short, not fat, professional models. To put it in your words: "unpopular kids" with "cool kids". It's socially acceptable for same to be paired with same, but never are contrasting bodies positively mixed in the world of advertisement. The juxtaposition of uncommonly paired bodies is visually jarring, and, even though I wish it didn’t, it causes viewers to feel uncomfortable. This is largely attributed to companies like yours that perpetuate the thought that fat women are not beautiful. This is inaccurate, but if someone were to look through your infamous catalog, they wouldn't believe me.

I've enclosed some images for your consideration. Please let me know what you think.

A note: I didn't take these pictures to show that the male model found me attractive, or that the photographer found me photogenic, or to prove that you're an ostentatious dick. Rather, I was inspired by the opportunity to show that I am secure in my skin and to flaunt this by using the controversial platform that you created. I challenge the separation of attractive and fat, and I assert that they are compatible regardless of what you believe. Not only do I know that I'm sexy, but I also have the confidence to pose nude in ways you don’t dare. You are more than welcome to prove me wrong by posing shirtless with a hot fat chick; it would thrill me to see such a shoot.

I'm sure you didn't intend for this to be the outcome, but in many ways you're kind of brilliant. Not only are you a marketing genius (brand exclusivity really is a profitable move) but you also accidentally created an opportunity to challenge our current social construct. My hope is that the combination of these contrasting bodies will someday be as ubiquitous as the socially accepted ideal.

Ever so sincerely, 
Jes

P.S. If you would like to offer me a "substantial amount" to stop wearing your brand so my association won't "cause significant damage to your image", don't hesitate to email me. I respect you as a business man, and my agent and I would be happy to contribute in furthering your established success.

P.P.S. You should know your Large t-shirt comfortably fits a size 22. You might want to work on that.

Photography: Liora K Photography//Model: John C. Shay Facebook/Twitter