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How do you accurately summarize the one person who you feel has single-handedly changed the world (and your personal life) in more ways than you can explain?

Sonya Renee Taylor: author, poet, spoken word artist, speaker, humanitarian and social justice activist, educator, and founder of The Body is Not An Apology movement. 

"Taylor has won multiple National and International poetry slams, including the 2004 U.S. National Individual Poetry Slam competition, the 2005 DC/Baltimore Grand Slam competition, the 2007 Ill List III Slam competition, the 2006 Four Continents International Slam competition and has performed for audiences across the US, New Zealand, Australia, England, Scotland, Sweden, Canada and the Netherlands, including in prisons, mental health treatment facilities, homeless shelters, universities, festivals and public schools across the globe."

Sonya Renee Taylor, aka my favorite human on the planet.

(via | via | via)

While looking for incredible quotes written by Sonya, I came across this praise (but really, a love letter) I wrote years ago:

Sonya Renee Taylor’s work within the body acceptance movement has single-handedly changed my life as an activist. Sonya is one of the only voices in this movement that incorporates ALL bodies and ALL issues; bringing the focus beyond individuals and onto the fact that we can eliminate prominent toxic social injustices by incorporating inclusion, understanding and love. She is truly a force to be reckoned with and thanked for her priceless contributions towards radical change.

Years later, I stand behind this 100%.

(via )

To be totally honest, the "current" part of this Current Crush is a lie. I've known Sonya for half a decade and she has been changing my world before we even met in person. The crush part? Well, it couldn't be truer. The love between us is deep... and there's a damn good reason.

I quote her with reverence in every lecture, panel, workshop, and presentation I give or participate in. Every single one- whether it's through a presentation in Phoenix (below) or in a keynote lecture about fatphobia in Paris. Her work has formed the core of my mission and the amount of gratitude I feel for her messaging, writing, and work leaves me speechless at times.

For the past few years, before I share her philosophy, quotes, and praise while speaking, I've prefaced her with the fact that if the world were on fire (which arguably, it kinda is) and I could only choose one person to save for the next version of civilization, it would indubitably be her.

(This was only awkward once when my mom was in the audience and I had to apologize for this prioritization... however I still believe she's the best thing to ever happen to this world and would be the greatest gift for the next.)

#1) What Sonya has taught me about healing the world and the importance of bodies - the largest driving force behind all of my work - which came from a comment she made on a Bitch Magazine article:

The Body Is Not An Apology is an international movement committed to cultivating global Radical Self Love and Body Empowerment. We believe that discrimination, social inequality, and injustice are manifestations of our inability to make peace with the body, our own and others. Through information dissemination, personal and social transformation projects and and community building, The Body is Not An Apology fosters global, radical, unapologetic self love which translates to radical human love and action in service toward a more just, equitable and compassionate world

Or, in other words:

“I began to realize that while all issues were not specifically about the body, the impact of all issues were felt on the body and how we felt about bodies informed our social, political, economic and cultural landscape. I began to see the key to social change, equity and justice as the work of making peace with bodies.”

Let all of that just soak in.

(via | via )

#2) What Sonya has taught me about healing work and it's worth:

I am often asked if The Body is Not An Apology is a non-profit organization and I, with great conviction tell people NO! TBINAA is a for-profit Benefit Corporation and here are my top 5 reasons why:

1. I believe social change needs to be at the center of our economic systems, not the margins.
2. Those doing the most impacting work should not have to scramble in competition for small pots of foundation funding.
3. As long as equity and justice work is considered “charity” it will always be what we fund last and cut first.
4. I know that if we leverage our resources we have the collective economic and social power to ensure that everybody with a body has what they need to thrive.
5. Lastly, I believe that radical self-love is an economic principle that moves us from a Detriment Buying © model (using our money to pay for things that further our feeling deficient, unworthy, numbed out and disconnected from our bodies and our world) to Best Interest Buying ©, a model that asks us to allow our economic investments, whether they be a latte or a stock portfolio, to be a reflection of our commitment to radical self-love for our own lives and for the lives of others.

What if every time we bought something we asked ourselves, “Is this purchase a reflection of my radical self-love values? Does this purchase remind me that I am a brilliant, powerful contributor to equity, justice and compassion for myself and for the world?” When we say YES to that question, we shift the very nature of our economic system from one of scarcity to one of abundance. Our services at TBINAA exist as a reflection of these principals. With Radical Self Love, we all profit!

This was sent through the TBINAA newsletter no less (subscribe if you haven't yet!) and #3 has changed the way I will see money distribution forever.

#3) What Sonya has taught me about the journey towards liberation and self-love:

You don’t have to get to radical self-love. You came here that way. You have never seen a self-loathing toddler who says, “I really hate the way my skin looks.” Those are messages. We know these messages are external because these are things we adopt as we get older and people start to tell us stuff about our bodies. We didn’t come here believing those things. We came here unobstructed from understanding our divinity and awesomeness in these bodies. Over time, more and more obstructions are keeping us from accessing who it is we inherently know ourselves to be. Radical self-love is unobstructed access to the awesome you that you’ve always been. It’s unobstructed access to the amazing and enough human being that you have always been.
- From Bitch Magazine's "No Ordinary Love" interview

(via | via | via )

This last image is one of my all-time favorites; an awkward "in-between moment" where we embraced with such enthusiasm that our true selves were captured perfectly and she used this image as one of her "Bad" Picture Monday images which included this caption:

Talk about the spirit of "Bad" Picture Monday being summed up in an image! I was having a radically beautiful tingly moment with the EPIC Jes M. Baker! Which means despite how I look in this photo, there is NOTHING HERE BUT RADICAL BEAUTY and LOVE!

#4) What Sonya has taught me about the importance of "Bad Pictures":

 As you read this, 300,000 people on-line are untagging, deleting, burying deep in the recesses of the junk folder, pictures they consider “bad”. Social Networking has created a digital army of perfect smiles and brilliantly coiffed heads who all believe the only pictures that should be seen are the ones where we look “good”.  “Bad” Picture Monday reminds us that there is no “bad” way to inhabit a body

Her reasoning behind this concept is simple: "Shame is ugly. YOU ARE GORGEOUS."

If you're not constantly checking out change that!
(For more on why "unflattering pictures are important, check this out!)

#5) The most important thing you need to know right now?

Sonya's book called The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self Love JUST LAUNCHED and it's been described as "church" buy so many people I've lost count. 

I will add myself to that list.

Buy it. Read it. Let it soak in. Let it change the way you see, interact with and heal the world. If there was one person to guide you on this journey, Sonya is it.

Sonya, you have taught me that you absolutely can lead with love and I'll never be able to thank you enough for this.

PS: Make sure you follow her through the links below
(and subscribe to her newsletter!):

P.P.S. You can bring Sonya to your event here.
P.P.P.S. Her tour dates and cities can be found here. If you can go, GO!
P.P.P.P.S. Check out the other Current Crush posts here!


(I still can't believe this was my workplace and outfit for the day.)

Q#1: What is the best part of being Jes Baker for a living?

Hands down... speaking. Lecturing. Presenting. Sharing important information with a crowd and cracking terrible jokes while doing so. Whatever you wanna call it, it's my favorite thing IN THE WORLD.

Speaking is what allows me to connect with the most amazing individuals in real life (you, obviously!) which is super special for me since so much of my work happens on a computer.  And while book writing can be great... nothing beats meeting you, losing it while laughing, wiping away tears and listening to your stories. OH AND HUGS. So many hugs.

Guys, sometimes I get to hug for a living. (<-- That may be the most glorious sentence I've ever typed.)

A few months ago, I had the opportunity to speak in Paris.

The room was full of government officials, activists, thought leaders, academics, social science researchers, industry professionals... let's just say there were a lot of really amazing people there and
we all learned a lot from each other. 

The topic at hand? The global issues around fatphobia (or there, grossophobie), ways we can change this oppressive landscape and the best part - a long list of action items that the Parisian government is implementing to work towards eradicating fat bias entirely.

In short? It was A POWERFUL DAY.

It also reminded me how much I love speaking 
(even if 99% of it had to be translated - I managed to give my introduction in French... the rest was rightfully translated for me) and how powerful it is to gather in one room together and talk about body image issues in person.

I want to do this with you!

I am now available for speaking at campuses, conferences, personal events, fashion shows, symposiums, panels, or y'know- citywide world-altering days; you name it! I'm booking for 2018 and I'm ready to come to you

(In my element: sharing that "La grossophobie, c'est... bullshit" (fatphobia is total bullshit) and loving on Helene Bidard, Deputy Mayor of Paris)

Q#2: What do you speak about?

When I get to tour, I usually deliver the lecture "Change the World, Love Your Body: The Social Impact of Body Love." I basically preach the importance of body autonomy, self-esteem, mental health, social justice and diversity and nowhere is off limits when it comes to traveling to talk about this topic; I'll bring it anywhere it's requested.

The "professional" description of the lecture as explained by my agency starts out like this:

In her brilliantly irreverent presentation  "Change the World, Love Your Body.", Baker explores the state of our current body image issues, shares 10 effective ways for participants to individually re-frame the way they perceive themselves, and clearly illustrates how implementing these 10 actions will  positively affect us all on a global level. 

I've also lectured on mental health, strength-based resiliency, recovery AND fashion as a form of political resistance. Have another topic in mind? We can definitely chat about how to make that happen. 

2018  already has some amazing opportunities to meet fantastic people (I'll get to visit Canada this year!) and I CAN'T WAIT FOR EVEN MORE!

(Press conference, selfie and post-show shenanigans- the best kind)

Q#3: So, how do I book that hot bod (and brain) of yours?

It's really simple! If you're a student, pitch it to your gender studies/multicultural/student activities division and have them (or you, if you're an overachiever;)) contact Kevin MacRae to set it all up. I even have a flyer you can print out and take with you and more information (including quotes about how awesome I am when handed a microphone) here!

For all other events, you're welcome to directly contact Kevin (he's a peach) and you'll find his contact information is below.

I can't WAIT to meet you, sign a book or two and tell you how rad you are. SEE YOU SOON!

MacRae Speakers & Entertainment, LLC.
Kevin R. MacRae, President
PO Box 535
Pembroke, MA 02358


(Double chin portrait by the talented AF Tyler Feder of Roaring Softly)

I only had one actual New Years resolution for 2018: To own one of those old-fashioned cast iron apple coring devices that you clamped onto your counter and then cranked.

Kinda like this one, but an older model more reminiscent of "my childhood" so I could bring back the precious memories of turning the wooden handle until my arms felt like they were on fire which really only mattered until the applesauce was ready. Once you took that first bite? The work was always worth it, even to a seven-year-old.

As Lady Luck would have it, I just found one while in Globe, Arizona (population 7000) at a thrift store for $3 and seeing as today is only January 10th? Well, I'd say it's been a ridiculously successful year already.

The following items aren't really resolutions... I think. They're more like "I got really drunk while playing Gin Rummy and thought of all kinds of things I really want to do so I wrote them down and now I can't stop adding to the list" goals.

I don't really know what the difference is between the two since I AM making a literal list of things I want to do and it's the beginning of the year... but I'm sticking with my definition of "goals." They are all hella fun and stoked about checking them off over the next twelve-ish months.

I get really inspired while drinking and playing cards, by the way. It's when some of my greatest ideas come... BUT only if I'm winning. If I'm losing? Well, I've been put in many unproductive time-outs before but that's another topic for another post. Onto my 2018 goals!

This year I will:

  1. Read three novels: I read 20-30 books a year but can't remember the last fictional book I've actually finished. Time to put the non-fiction down (but only for a quick moment!) and make a change, bitches.

  2. Karaoke "I've Been Everywhere" well enough to not make Johnny Cash cry: This is karaoke GOALS for me. I'm also gonna need some (read: a LOT of) practice. Plus, everyone has GOT to be tired of hearing me belt out"What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes by now. It's a classic, sure, but even classics need a rest.

  3. Finance a book tour. My publishing company isn't funding tours anymore... but meeting all of you is my favorite thing in this world. This means I'm gonna need to work some serious magic on my end, boss up and give it one hell of a try!

  4. Learn enough Spanish to hold a conversation: I can understand some while listening + reading, but speaking it? That's a whole other story. This goal is a long time coming and I'm here for it.

  5. Finish a legit art project: I've been semi-working on two completely different pieces. I realize that "legit" is subjective but I'm going to be SO HAPPY when I finish one. This ex-art major has a lot of catching up to do.

  6. Overhaul my bedroom: I think everyone has a room in their living space where all the unorganized shit just "wanders into" and then stays forever. Mine? My bedroom. This means that it's basically just storage for endless piles of clothing and other random objects that I'm always looking for but now? Now I'm determined to make it a lovely place to be. Wish me luck and also see #15.

  7. Launch a "merch" line: My most intimidating goal ever. It's also something I've wanted to do for years. I've already found ethically sourced, US made, actually comfy shirts up to size 34 (this is a miracle in the fashion world and I have Rachel to thank for it) and they're on their way... 2018 IS THE YEAR.

  8. Learn the cello or ukulele: Random fact #1: I played the violin (classical violin and then fiddle which is basically the same instrument but way more fun) for a decade. I was kinda good- like, first chair good. Random fact #2: I always wished I played the cello instead. Maybe I was just meant to do it in my 30's?!? The ukulele is a second (and easier) option because I already own a handpainted one and it only has four strings. Either will make me happy. #StringMusicians4Life

  9. Disneybound: I'm obsessed with the concept of Disneybounding and as a kid who grew up in LA, I'm feeling a reaaaallly strong pull back to the theme park. The only question is WHO SHOULD I DISNEYBOUND AS?!?! Suggestions welcome.

  10. Make #DesertBounding a thing: Disneybounding is all about creating an homage to a Disney Character by evoking their aesthetic using only street clothes. I want to create an homage to part of the world I live in by using street clothes that mirror my favorite Sonoran Desert images. Everyone I've mentioned this to has laughed at me but I AM NOT DETERRED.

  11. Learn Lightroom: Picmonkey (side note- R.I.P. Picnik) has been my BFF for years. I feel a little guilty about betraying this website but I think it's time to actually be able to fix the lighting in my photos. I quiver when I think about all the work it will take to unlock Lightroom's magnificent powers but I'm not going to let that get in my way.

  12. Snorkel in a new location: I'm obsessed and unashamed. Belize and Jamaica were just the beginning!

  13. NOT title this blog post "The Year of Jes": It was SO tempting, but done and DONE. Shonda, it's all you, friend.

  14. Viciously purge my closet: I'm talkin' about sorting everything with reckless abandon and leaving all my co-dependant clothing emotions outside my bedroom door.

  15. Make acupuncture a regular practice: Acupuncture has healed me in more ways than one. It needs to be a consistent part of my life and with Tucson Community Acupuncture's sliding scale, it's totally do-able. P.S. Tucsonans: GO THERE.

  16. Visit another country: Any country. I have no idea how to make this happen since my credit cards (yes, cards... as in multiple) are all maxed out but I will figure it out.

  17. Make eclairs at home from scratch: So many steps. So worth it.

  18. Learn Quickbooks: It's about time I became a grown-ass adult and got my shit together.

  19. Host a friend get together at my home: I have a circle of incredible people that I get to call friends. I also have a backyard. With a fire pit. And I like wine. It's gonna happen.

  20. Produce or co-produce a body liberation event: The last one I hosted was this rad spoken word event called "Hello My Name Is _____" with some of the coolest humans in Tucson. What's next? I mayyyyy have some ideas...

  21. NOT adopt another cat: Every part of my soul feels like I need a fourth cat and that it's the only way to make my heart whole. The problem is that every time my partner and I have a logical discussion about this, he reminds me that three cats and a dog is more than enough for two people. I mean, I agree but...

  22. Bake a damn loaf of chocolate Babka: I've been talking about how much I want to do this, how great this recipe is, how babka can save the world, yada yada yada for over a year now. I need to suck it up, make the time and bake a damn loaf already.

  23. Keep a houseplant alive for longer than 6 months: This is a herculean feat for me.

  24. Learn how to make my own essential oils: I am so excited to master the art of making my house smell like "desert rain" year round thanks to my diffuser and (soon to be learned) killer DIY skills.

These goals will live on my sidebar all year and as I check them off, I'll be sure to link them (thanks for the inspiration Sarah!) as I finish each one.

I also reserve the right to add more goals when I feel that it's needed... we're playing cards again tonight, after all.

I'd love to hear from you: what are some things you want to do this year? Hit me with two, five or twenty... I just want to hear some of what you have planned for 2018!


A few things that I love: Cursing. YA fiction. Plus size protagonists who don't settle. Bad-ass babes in general. Anything that gives the Twilight series a run for its money.

With all of that being said, I am honored to introduce to you my new best friend C.L. Lynch who wrote two books that incorporate ALL OF THOSE THINGS. 

Obviously, 2018 already has some great things in it so far.

You might remember Chemistry, the first book in the series (which was hosted here) that launched in December 2016. It's a "foul-mouthed, feminist twist on Twilight" featuring Stella Blunt - a heroine with a big body and a bigger mouth... and guess what? IT DID REALLY WELL!

It won the 2017 IndieReader Discovery Award for Humor and it was a finalist in the Wishing Shelf Book Awards.

IndieReader Discovery Awards said:

Chemistry by C. L. Lynch begins as a humorous take on Stephanie Meyer's Twilight, but quickly turns into a story of a bullied teenager learning to trust others. Stella Blunt is not an easy character to like, which is why it's so great to see her lowering her guard and learning to trust.

BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER! The sequel, History, is now published and available!

In History, Stella is a year older and a good deal wiser, but still swears like a sailor and still has a lot to learn. Whereas Chemistry dealt with body positivity, bullying, and first love, in History, Stella deals with more "New Adult" issues - she takes on heartbreak, university, awkward de-virginating sex, fat fetishism, and a zombie apocalypse... but most horrifying of all, she has to confront her own ableism. While the characters that made my readers laugh are still there and wacky as ever, the book has a more serious tone than the first and so it also tends to make them cry. I get angry emails from people about mid-way through the book but they forgive me by the end.

C.L. added: 

People who have read New Moon and Eclipse will recognize lots of easter eggs where my story nods at Stephenie Meyer and then storms off in the opposite direction.

Before you ask... yes, you DEFINITELY have the opportunity to win both today!

Giveaways happen when someone contacts me and says: I wanna buy a specific spot on your blog so I can give free awesome shit to your readers. To which I say: does it sorting laundry, answering hundreds of emails or admitting that season 8 of Shameless is over? (I hate ALL of those things) and when they come back and say NO, actually it's really awesome you and your readers will definitely like it!, chances are I'll investigate and then say... OKAY! Let's do this.

This then means that I'm renting out some real estate, they're getting exposure, and you're getting presents year round. Which is amazing for everyone and I'm glad I'm doing more of these. Things to know: depending on who it is, they might letcha follow their social media accounts to have extra entry options. But no matter what, I always ask that there is a chance for everyone to enter at least once without having to "like" or "follow" anything. If you want to be an overachiever beyond that, it's up to you. Like and follow away.

AND, of course, if you think giveaways are bullshit, you're allowed to skip everything all together and just come back for my next post which will likely be about trying to hide all my insecurities but failing because I had a photo taken. It's gonna be good... I think. Either way, you're a grown ass adult and you get to make your own decisions, mmkay?
Here's what C.L. Lynch is sending our way:

  1. The Grand Prize: One of you will win a new Kindle Fire 7 (hell yeah, you heard right) in addition to both books in Kindle version. You can scroll and read to your heart's content!

  2. The Almost-As-Grand Prize: One of you will win a physical copy of both Chemistry AND History, signed by the award-winning C.L. Lynch herself!

  3. Twenty of you will receive: a free download of Chemistry to get those zombie kicking, bad-ass fat girl vibes going!

    Really, it's all grand.

Are these books your style? Do you need them in your book collection? Well, how does this excerpt sound?:

 When you’re in love, you’re supposed to hold hands and face death with serene acceptance. We could share a dramatic kiss as we died in the tradition of star-crossed lovers everywhere.

  “Fuck that shit,” I said as my chainsaw sputtered to life and began to roar. “Let's slice off some heads.”

Sold? Then enter away!  I'm so thrilled TWENTY TWO OF YOU WILL BE WINNERS!

P.S. Entries are available for all you US and Canada inhabitants!  To the rest of the world, I'm sorry and we still love you!


Hello from Tucson where it's 76° today even though it's January 2nd and the majority of my friends across the country are bundled up in seventeen layers!

Don't get too jealous though, we barely survive our 116° summers so we can live in this city and enjoy this winter weather. Well, that and because rent is still affordable + most our family is here and we love the shit out of them.

I just returned from a couple weeks in France, England, Belgium and the Netherlands (you can catch up on some of those things on my Instagram) and while I loved wearing multiple layers and an enormous wool coat, I'm also stoked to be able to show off this current outfit that I've fallen in love with... which couldn't be more different than what I wore in Europe.

Mini dresses are often seen as a "no-no" for plus women for multiple reasons, quite often because our bellies and asses make them even shorter adding to the scandalousness of a fat chick revealing skin. Quelle horreur!

But I'm not really into listening to arbitrary fashion rules created by someone else and so, to continue the theme of all of my outfit posts: I wear what I want!

Today that happens to be tiny dresses with bell sleeves, knee socks and platform creepers!

I usually post outfit photos that have links to clothing that are readily available, but in this case, the paisley dress is from Target circa 2016, the shoes are almost sold out and the socks are being goddamn elusive. 

BUT FEAR NOT! I'm determined to find similar pieces because this outfit combo is (in my humble opinion) FIRE. 

You can totally purchase this exact dress here in 2X, but if you're looking to find something similar (or in a larger size) I present 12 other plus size options:

I'm really happy about this whole black/dark floral trend being "in" again.

1 is available here in 5 +11 | 2 3

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Note: I'm wearing socks from the same brand in #1 and #4 and they fit 22" calves well.

I'm a little disappointed to only find similar dresses that go up to 6x/26... do you have any suggestions on where to find larger sizes of a similar dress? I'd love to know them!

Also, plus babes- do you feel comfortable rocking mini skirts? If so what are your favorite styles? Even in windy and cold weather, they can be paired with leggings, shorts or Teggings (that go up to size 30!) if you're into more coverage. But I'm curious how you would style this kind of mini dress... spill your fashion secrets- I'm all ears!


This is a very fake photo of my very real excitement about the fact that I'm going to be coming to visit all of you in Paris on December 15th*!

While I've known about this for months, I didn't mention it publicly because to be completely honest... it sounded too good to be true. But the plane tickets are purchased, a coat is on it's way AND THIS IS  SHIT IS HAPPENING FOLX!

Here's the coolest part: I'm coming to participate in a anti-fatphobia (the French term is anti-grossophobia which essentially translates into "body positive") event that the city (specifically the Mayor and Deputy Mayor) is hosting. What a magnificent thing to have happen in France and I'm so honored to be asked to be a part of it.

I feel like this is monumental enough to warrant it's own blog post, don't you?!

"As part of Anti-Discrimination Week, on December 15th , the Paris City Council is organizing in the salons of the Hôtel de Ville a public event to fight against grossophobia in the presence of Anne Hidalgo, Mayor Paris, and Hélène Bidard, Deputy in charge of gender equality, anti-discrimination and human rights.

Activists, bloggers, academics, health practitioners, education professionals, fashion and garment industry representatives will discuss this specific form of intolerance. It is characterized by openly negative, discriminatory, and even aggressive attitudes towards people of high stature.

Jes Baker, activist, blogger and pioneer of body positivity in the United States will be the guest of honor of this day.

This day will also be the opportunity to unveil a manifesto carried by the City and signed by different personalities.

Finally, a militant fashion show will conclude the afternoon."


If you're in the area and would like to come, you can find out more information and reserve a spot here!

I simply can't wait to meet all of you!

*Yes, I'm totally aware that I'm drastically under-dressed for winter weather but don't worry! I'll bundle up!


I'm headed to Minnesota today to meet the Midwestern branch of my partner's family tree, also known as: the side that I am about to charm the shit out of.

And while I'm excited to experience actual cold weather, stay in a rural house that doesn't have Wi-Fi (what!?!?), learn how Minneapolis likes to karaoke and listen to his grandfather tell the same joke seventeen times... I'm also weary of spending a holiday dinner with a group of people who may be unfamiliar with body autonomy or the concept of food neutrality.

I've been fortunate to have frequent get-togethers with my family here in Tucson, most of which are completely food neutral. But this experience is pretty uncommon and it's unfortunate rarity was quickly proven after I asked a few readers what sort of comments friends or family members have said to their face during past holiday meals.

The responses, while anticipated are still appalling:

  • "Do you really need all that?! Aren't you big enough?"
  • "You can't eat any more" 
  • “I really don’t see the point in (dessert) when we just had A good meal”
  • "Leave some for the rest of us"
  • "Shouldn't you be eating less?"
  • "At least make an effort to loose weight and stop stuffing yourself!" 
  • "I'd keep off the dessert, if I were you!"
  • "Don't you know how much fat and sugar that has?!"
  • " You ate that fast."
  • "Are you not doing the diet thing anymore?"
  • "That's your second plate" 
  • "Are you sure you need all that pie?"
  • "*Sigh* You’d be so pretty if you just lost some weight.”
  • "You should probably stick to salad and veggies."
  • "You're not going to eat all that salad dressing, are you?"
  • "Oh I think you have had enough." 
  • "Potatoes aren't a vegetable, you shouldn't have so many. You need to eat more vegetables." 
  • "You really ought to keep in mind how many carbs are on your plate."
  • "Do you think you should have that?"
  • "You're gonna get fatter eating that and then no man will want you."
  • "You have such a pretty face. Don't ruin your body more."

The list goes on and ON.

These sorts of comments (not to mention the unspoken judgmental stares or side-eye glances) are clearly customary for tons of people but they aren't the only thing that can make visiting home/people you haven't seen in a while/relatives difficult.

I have a few simple tips for you if you're feeling anxiety around this holiday season while preparing for a visit:

  1. Implement the "Rental Car Theory". My therapist often mentions how hard it can be to visit people you have a long (and often complicated) history with, regardless of how much internal work you've done. She suggests using the "a rental car" theory to claim some independence. Maybe you can rent a car in the literal sense so you have control over when and where you go but this concept can also translate into allowing yourself some time alone. This can be a room, a walk around the block or giving yourself permission to leave early.
  2. Create a support system.  Mentally plan a list of some people you can call, a designated person you can talk to while there or even bring a body positive book with you. Have an external way to ground yourself while in the midst of chaos.
  3. Prepare your boundaries and responses beforehand. Something I often hear from fat folx is that they struggle to vocalize their needs or advocate for themselves when they are under attack and this applies in all kinds of circumstances. This is completely understandable. It feels impossible to come up with an effective response when you're not only caught off guard, trying to subdue learned shame AND attempting to deal with the situation in the moment.

THAT LAST SUGGESTION, dear friends, is why I have created some handy-dandy signs for you to print out and take with you this holiday season. Not only do they offer some phrases that you can use verbally but you can ALSO skip the chat all together and simply flash the sign of your choosing instead.

Allow the offending person a moment to read it and then, of course, promptly resume your holiday enjoyment.

One of my favorite memes is a girl standing on an enormously high ladder with binoculars with a caption that reads: "Me looking for who the fuck asked you?" It is every feel I  have about food policing all in one image. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend peeking at it here.

Three printable signs to ensure ultimate holiday meal enjoyment: 

And of course, my personal favorite (made for those with extra food-policey relatives or for those who simply don't have time to beat around a goddamn bush):

There are additional black and white versions of each sign to download and print because color is expensive AF:

 You can download these versions here: 

Note: each of these signs were made to be printed out on a regular 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of paper but feel free to adjust as you see fit!

How to implement these signs after printing them out:

  1. Adhere a Popsicle stick to the back with tape
  2. Tape a paint mixing stick to the back (duct tape recommended)
  3. It's apparent that Curious George just chopped off the end of a broom handle, so I guess that works too
  4. If you forget to prepare a handle, use something sticky at the dinner table and use a butter knife to hold it up. Bonus points if you just use a fork to stab the bottom twice so you can weave the prongs in and display it when needed.
  5. Print it on one half of a paper, fold it into a freestanding sign and place in front of your plate before the meal even begins
  6. Tape it to your head
  7. Just hold up the damn thing whenever needed

Whatever way you choose, I fully support you and your self-advocacy this holiday season!

And who cares if you love syrup on your spaghetti? All the more power to you, my friend.

Just remember these three important facts: this is your life, your body and your rules.

In courageous solidarity,
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