Monday, July 13, 2015


"I keep thinking about something Sarai Walker said the other day at the author talk we did. Someone asked her about what it would take for women to get angry about sexism, diet culture, etc. And she said women are already incredibly angry. They just direct the violence of that anger inward." 
- Virgie Tovar


The Bad-Ass Babe Book Club is an online round table filled with all us bad-ass babes (though everyone is welcome!), and focuses on books books written by OTHER bad-ass babes. Fierce female identified writers. That's what we're all about. YOU IN?


August's selection is Dietland, and comes from suggestions that many of you made in the extra "what would you like to read" box on the survey. For that I thank you! Body positive books are almost always non-fiction and I'm REALLY excited to see what all the hype is about when it comes to this NOVEL written by Sarai Walker.

NPR called Dietland a "Fight Club for women that reclaims the word Fat" and added:
"Alicia "Plum" Kettle works as the ghost-writing voice of Kitty, the notably glamorous and slender editor of Daisy Chain, a teen magazine. She spends many nights at Waist Watchers meetings, and works to save up for weight loss surgery. But then Plum is drawn into a kind of guerilla underground movement of women who set out to upend what they see as the true cost to women of what amounts to a beauty-industrial complex."
I just might pee my pants. That's how excited I become when I see the words "guerilla underground movement", "women" and "beauty-industrial complex" in the same sentence. I have high hopes.

That said, I also have questioning glances. It's been said that it's also part Bridgette Jones Diary. That, AND t
here's been a lot of controversy over the aggression found in the book. I'm looking forward to seeing where my feels fall when it comes to how that anger is executed.

Regardless of my expectations and the fulfilling/failing of them, I'm fucking stoked to open up that book and devour it like I would a carrot cupcake. I loooooooooove carrot cupcakes.


HERE'S WHAT YOU DO: You get your hands on this book (props if you can support a local bookstore when you do!) and you read it during the month of August. We will then reconvene on the first Monday of September (the 7th- make sure you physically mark your calendar) right here and talk allllllll about our thoughts. We're gonna have a lot. 

I'm hoping to see folks of all shapes, sizes, shades, sexes, and genders getting in on this conversation. The more diversity in viewpoints, the better the discussion is!

So share this with your friends, families and online crushes and I'll see you back here on September 7th!

Sunday, July 12, 2015


Nothing bums me out faster when I’m about to eat some food than someone commenting about food. Like this, “Oh I’m being SO BAD! I NEVER eat cupcakes!” Or “I really SHOULDN’T EAT THIS!” Or “I wish I could eat THAT but it would make me SO FAT!” Or “You’re lucky you can eat whatever you WANT I will blow up like a BALOON!!!”

If you want to watch a hilarious send up of this phenomenon check out this Amy Schumer skit. Where everything they eat is the bad thing, not killing a gerbil for fun.

Listen, I get it. We live in a fatphobic society where all bodies are vilified. Either you’re fat or you COULD get fat. Living in fear of being fat in a fatphobic society brings out the worst in people. Food is super threatening and triggering of all of those perpetuated fears. We have this contradictory culture in America where we hate on fat bodies yet have all this food that is normalized in the American diet that actually can cause weight gain. Where commercials on TV cycle between McDonalds and Coca-Cola and Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. What a mind fuck.

Words are SO powerful. When you speak something again and again to yourself or out loud, you are creating truth. I learned early on in my journey to love myself that language was one of the first things to change in order to shift your consciousness. When people shit talk food and bodies, it erodes self-confidence, body love and food enjoyment.

I think the best thing we can do, as fat folks and folks working in solidarity with us, is to refuse to participate in the system of body currency perpetuated by society. A system of body currency, where certain bodies are privileged over other bodies, creates competition, body hatred, feelings of never being enough, endless fear about body change. Body currency doesn’t just affect fat folks, it affects folks with any non-normative body–people of color, older people (we are literally all aging), disabled folks (we are literally all only temporarily able bodied), trans* folks, etc… I learned about body currency from the brilliant Jes Baker of The Militant Baker. Her analysis of why people hate Tess (Munster) Holliday and other fat happy people is totally spot on.
551438_10153458325913223_472698898048493744_nCelebrating a wedding with fancy friends with all different genders and bodies! Photo by Emily Huber of Seeing Through the Hands massage, a favorite body positive massage therapist here in Brooklyn.

Checking out of a system of body currency means assigning no hierarchical value to your body and no hierarchical value to other bodies. It means you love your body AND you leave lots of space for loving all the other kinds of bodies out there.

So you’re sitting around the lunch room at work, out to dinner with friends, at a BBQ at your parents’ house and suddenly everyone is talking about their food being SO BAD, or “I was SO GOOD, I only had three pieces of turkey bacon.” I mean. How alienating. All these people are doing is making food the enemy and turning the top soil of body hatred.

Body hatred for the fat people around them who just sit silently and assume everyone in the room is judging their bodies. Body hatred for the little kids around them are absorbing all of that food shame and body hatred like SPONGES. Body hatred for the people around them who are just trying to enjoy their burgers and don’t want to think about anything but their food enjoyment.

So what do you do when you’re surrounded by the I’M SO BADs of the world?

Me and one of my favorite fat folks with whom to enjoy food, Devon Devine of the SF party Hard French.

When I’m in situations like that with people judging food I have a variety of responses. I’m pretty secure in my body and have a pretty deep analysis of the fatphobia in our culture so I’m fairly resilient to the commentary. I’m also a fat person whose reputation and activism often precedes her so I feel confident piping up with something educational in the moment.

Here are some scripts that I employ:

“Hey, I try to be neutral about food because I think all bodies are good bodies.”

“Hey I’m worried about commenting about the value of food and body insecurity in front of these little ears nearby. I’d love to help them love bodies of all sizes so they don’t end up with food or body issues.”

“Cultivating a culture of food enjoyment is really important to me. I would love to enjoy this delicious food instead of assigning value to it!”

1798876_10153291498942464_5151942065411462089_nJack Dawson wearing a gorgeous outfit. I freaking love the pop of color on the sunglasses and the tie pattern over the shirt and the pocket square. Killing it.

My friend Jack Dawson sent a dispatch from their fatphobic corporate office life that I LOVE. “My female coworkers regularly express their appreciation for me because ‘Jack is SO nice, Jack never judges what I eat, even when I’m sooo unhealthy!’ Pretty much every day at lunch time I find myself saying some version of ‘I actually think that everyone is the boss of their own body and I support people in making whatever choices they want with their bodies, so it’s great that you’re eating what feels good for you today!’ In response to some kind of ‘Don’t judge me!’ or ‘I’m so bad!’ comment from coworkers.”

Being an ally to fat folks is especially important when you are a person of thin privilege. People get especially fatphobic around folks who they don’t perceive as marginalized in that way. My bestie Rachael calls it being a secret agent on behalf of fat folks, so when people hear you speaking truth to the all bodies are worthy of love exactly as they are party line, they are taken by surprise and also sinks in a little better.

This photo was of the time I introduced my friend Leo to Jack Dawson, who we started calling “New Leo” because they both resemble a young Leonardo DiCaprio and also Leo moved away. Photo by my health coach Vic.

If you want to go a little deeper than these scripts, try to create a lifestyle where you are actually neutral about food! I find this a wonderful daily challenge as a person who is fat and proud, who knows what kinds of food I am sensitive to and the effect they have on my body. (I have a chronic digestive disease that is wildly affected by the food I eat.) In my internal monologue, I could say, “I’m being so bad I’m eating this gluteny piece of wedding cake!” But instead I just think to myself, “I am making a choice about participating in the food-centered nature of this celebration and I accept the physical consequences that will surely develop tomorrow. I’ll take a probiotic about it and I will make different choices tomorrow.” Sometimes replacing an internal monologue with something very long that actually explains your feelings and what is happening in a neutral way is really effective in changing the way you think.

I work with my partner on this all the time, too. She is on a super low sugar anti-cancer diet after her experience with breast cancer. (We intend her to be “one and done” with cancer, so we’re employing lots of holistic ways in which we can keep her cancer free.)

In addition to this low-sugar lifestyle, she is an external processor so listening to her process externally about her food gives me the opportunity to support her with reframing her language to be food neutral. It’s also important to me, as a fat person, who is dating a perosn with thin privilege, that she knows her privilege and works with me 100% of the time on team Stepping out of Body Currency. I’ve dated people who were not 100% body positive and it was really shitty.

10996651_10153116129793749_5950987657574205891_nI love Dara a lot, she is super supportive and open to new ways of speaking and being in the world. I feel so grateful to have such a wonderful partner in adventure.

In the words of Nicki Minaj “Life is a journey, I just want to enjoy the ride.” I can’t enjoy my food around folks who are shit talking food. So I do my best to create environments where food enjoyment is valued and food is value-neutral. I invite you to join me, life is much more fun this way!!

Bevin blogs at The Queer Fat Femme, is quoted in my upcoming book, and is one of my favorite online humans. I'm so thankful that she said yes to the re-posting of this article because many of you have asked for something similar and while I always share this kind of awesome shit on FB it tends to only find 9% of you. SO. Here is another internet bookmark for this message. Which is important. And wonderful. And happily written. THANK YOU BEVIN.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015



WAHOO! IT'S OPPOSITE DAY Y'ALL! How do I know this? Because Oprah Magazine just said something so ridiculous that they only way it would go to print is if it was available on Opposite Day! What a clever trick Oprah Mag. Well done!

The Internet has it's panties in a twist today because of a Q&A answer found in the latest Oprah Magazine that reads:

Can I still pull off a crop top?  
 If (and only if!) you have a flat stomach, feel free to try one. For more coverage, layer the top over a longer shirt as shown in look two.

But cant you see, Internet?!? It's (either a huge typo or) just a fancy play on Opposite Day!

I know.
I know it's neither. But a girl can dream. Right?

It's not like Oprah + her company is notorious for championing body positivity (if anything, the empire was built on the opposite) but it's always sad when large companies have ignorant media representatives that promote the opposite of empowerment, when this is what Oprah Mag is "all about". If we're gonna be honest, this sidebar is just another case of a "behind the scenes worker" projecting their own body bullshit onto the world... and it has nothing to do with you or I and how we live our lives. And maybe it has nothing to do with what Oprah believes herself. Maybe.

Regardless, we can use this fuck-up as an opportunity to rebel against this opinion which (isn't original in any way and) is held by many who believe the expensive brainwashing we're all subjected to. Here's the truth: when someone says you CAN'T do something you want to, that's a clear invitation to say YES I CAN and do that thing like a motherfucking champion.

SO, if you've always wanted to wear a crop top, NOW IS THE TIME. Here are nine in plus-sizes (though make no mistake- not all straight sized women have "flat stomachs" either!) for inspiration:

1 // 2 // 3

1 // 2 // 3

1 // 2 // 3

And with this amazing quote by the woman who took the first image, I close this post:
"Surprised to see this level of #bodyshaming in Oprah magazine. The feature is about women feeling healthy. Part of health is self-esteem and that's intrinsically connected to body image. Stop telling women what they CAN'T wear. We can wear and do and be ANYTHING that makes us feel strong, powerful, passionate and in charge of our own destinies. I hope young women and women of any age don't feel like they're restricted by editorially imposed fashion "rules." The only rules are there are no rules. Wear what you love, what makes you feel confident, and own it. Confidence is power, and it's contagious."  - Tamar 

Amen Tamar. Confidence is power, and it's contagious.

Thursday, July 2, 2015


I've accumulated a several amazing tops recently that scream FUCK OFF BEAUTY STANDARDS! and they're just too good to not share.

Riots Not Diets tank top: I love a good crop top, but I also love the length on this shirt. It's comfortable, giant, and awesome enough for an older man to exclaim "EXACTLY!" when I walked by him the other night. The shorts are ALSO comfy! They're Jeggings that SWAK sent me last year and I had them made into shorts for $10 by a local tailor. Best idea ever. Sandals are from here, and they're my favorite of the summer. Not pictured in sandal pic: the epic backs that have "leather mesh". Oh, AND they're on sale for  $21. Yep. Schmexxxy.

Diet Industry Drop Out crop top: SHAWNA THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS SHIRT. I think I gasped when I saw it online (it goes up to 5x) and immediately purchased it without thinking twice. I chopped the neckline and sleeves as I often do and it's definitely a summer staple. The skirt is an old Target find (and I cant find another anywhere- sorry!) and I simply LOVE these feminine ankle strap flats!

I <3 Pizza/Fries/Donut tank top: A few years ago I wouldn't have worn this anywhere; I wasn't brazen enough. It's a fascinating thing: if a straight sized gal wears such a shirt it's considered cute and quirky. But a fat lady? Disgusting and shameful and dear god fat women just should NOT. Girl, whenever someone tells me I shouldn't wear something... I'm gonna fuckin' wear it. It's a tad shorter than expected, but it challenges me to stop giving such a fuck about my midriff which is a gift in and of itself. I also love the side bra/cleavage reveal. Oh, and it's also on sale. LUCKY DAYZ.

And remember the post about fat girl shorts? I ordered these and love them even more than the last ones! They're similar fabric but shorter and more suited to my body shape. JUST LOOK HOW SMOOTH THEY ARE. These kick-ass shorts would fit a size 18/20 and smaller, and I heard great things about the last pair so I'm confident in recommending them. And those shoes are sadly a thrift find, but you can try these!

Do you have any fuck off shirts you love to wear? Leave a picture or link below and I'll check them out! And, if I'm gonna be honest... I'll probably order them. Fuck Off shirts are my favorite kind.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015


(The Virgster and I at Fractured Donuts being all cute and shit... just for you!)

I'm terrible at reminding you of this, but I'll make up for it by typing like I mean it in all caps: YOU CAN ADVERTISE ON THE MILITANT BAKER AND IT'S AWESOME!

Between you and me, July is gonna be a good month. After a severe case of writing burnout (from finishing that goddamn book- which BTW the audio version is now available!), I finally have some creative juices flowing again. Yes, I'm just as stoked as you are.

There are a few reasons why you're gonna wanna advertise.
#1: Your ads support the time I invest in the blog, so fuckin' a- thanks for your support! 
#2: The Militant Baker (while it varies) receives on average, around half a million hits a month. That's a bunch. 
#3: Passionfruit Ads lets you see how many times your ad is viewed/clicked so you can keep track of your biz. 
 #4: Because you’ll be part of TMB sidebar team. We're a cool bunch and we like beer and dirty jokes. Come join us.

OH. AND #5: Because there's a discount available this month only! Use the code: JULY15 for an easy 15% off any size your heart desires.

There are several different types of ads, all of which can be viewed here. (If you cant find it, click this instead.) Choose the size you'd like to, hit "add to cart", then "proceed to checkout". From there it will prompt you for the rest. Enter your info, upload your ad image (if you need one I’ll make it!) and pay for the spot using that special promo code! Your ad will go up right after approval and stay up for 30 days no matter when you purchase it. It’s like magic.

Additionally: There is now a giveaway option. Get on it!

I love you all. 

P.S. My dress is from Target and yes it's still available <3

Tuesday, June 30, 2015


A kajillion of you have asked if I know the best way to connect with plus size babes where you live. And honestly, unless you live in Tucson, I have no idea.


Rachele from Rad Fat Vegan has created the solution! Fat Pals.

"Connect with other fat identified folks if you feel overwhelmed by negativity or need a friend. Send and receive positive messages, artwork, encouragement, etc. Take part in Fat Pals girl gang activities and action. Complete the below survey and Rachele will match you with a Fat Pal! You may also receive messages or mail from Rachele Cateyes. Please be safe and do not share anything that would put you in danger. Rachele will not disclose your address to your Fat Pal unless it is a PO box. PO boxes are encouraged but if you decide to share your address with your Fat Pal yourself, that is up to you. You may sign up as much as you would like, just make sure you send at least one thing to each Fat Pal you are assigned. No sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia, fatphobia, transphobia, diet talk or general hatefulness allowed. All gender identities and sizes welcome. Share your positive messages! #fatpals"

How fucking amazing is that?

Fat Pals Girl Gang Mission
- Bomb the blogs of fat girls that need it with encouraging comments.
- Attack our fat pals with letters, art and chub love.
- Fight negativity with comradery.
- Take our bad assery into the real world and out from behind our screens.

If you'd like to sign up, here's the link! Happy pal-ing!

Friday, June 26, 2015


Oh, the fierce and flabulous Visible Belly Outline.

Also called the VBO, (according to this fantastic Tumblr) the definition is:
Visible Belly Outline; that protruding shape that pushes from under your clothes when they are a certain material or tightness. It comes it different sizes and shapes: some are round, some are square, some are perky and some sag, some are smooth, some are lumpy.
The Tumblr then says:
"Let’s make our bellies visible instead of trying to hide them and show everyone how fabulous of an accessory a belly can be!"
WHAT A FUCKING IDEA! You mean... I don't have to hide my belly? Like, I can even accessorize it and flaunt it with reckless abandon? I'm SO IN.

Guys, I love spandex. NOT SPANX. SPANDEX. I love the way it looks. I love the way it feels. I love the way it hugs my fat body like it just doesn't wanna let go. And for the longest time I never let myself wear it because: the horror!!!

My belly is the last part of me I'm learning to love and it's not always easy. I know that is partially because I never see fat bellies positively represented... well, anywhere. We are all so easily conditioned and the lack of visible and sexy VBOs (plus the abundance of super flat sexy torsos in every ad ever) has us convinced that a belly outline isn't allowed to make an appearance in our world. And, like every other body rule, this is bullshit.


Did you look closely at them all? Did you notice the sexy shapes? The smiles? The middle fingers? The bad-assery radiating off these gorgeous humans? Good.

Now go back to the top and look again.

If you did this twice, you're already starting to retrain your brain and normalize the diversity of shapes we have in our world. Good job! Follow every body positive Tumblr you can get your hands on and continue this practice. It will make a difference.

Now, know that after you look at these, you don't have to run out and by a bodycon dress or skintight pencil skirt. And you definitely don't have to immediately start loving your belly. But what I DO want you to do is entertain the idea that all of these people are amazing. Fierce. Fucking HOT. And they're rocking something our world tells us we can't.

Think about that. 'Cause you can do it too. I'm starting TODAY. You with me?

All images are from FuckYeahVBO- click for more!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015


(Thanks Lisa Roden for the images!)
We've all been recovering from that exhausting weekend, but I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge how hard the volunteer team worked and how amazing the event was. Even though it was supposed to be a small regional/local event, we sold out and had almost as many attendees we did last year. People came from all over the world to join us and I'm honored. Five things I loved about this year:1.) Diversity was far more present than last year. BLC14 wasn't what it could have been; it was female focused and while there was some variety and inclusion in the workshops, there could have been so much more. It was great to create the space for such an event and this year couldn't have happened with out it... but we wanted more. I loved the panels, lectures, and emcees we had this year. I loved having teens there. I loved the energy that each person brought. There were more shapes, sizes, sexes, shades, genders, and ages than before and this progress was wonderful.

2.) I loved the ticket price. While it was a really no frills event, it was still incredible and the team somehow was able to make it happen with tickets that were $25 and teens were free. They also were able to offer free admission for anyone who's budget didn't allow the fee. I can't tell you how expensive (and exhausting) these events are and I'm amazed and appreciative that the volunteer group managed to make this happen.

3.) It happened. There was a huge learning curve this year and several plans didn't pan out as expected. And while I hear this is normal, it was still difficult. I stepped back to write a book and trusted the team to create the event. THEY DID and THEY DID IT IN FIVE MONTHS. Hot damn.

4.) There was a dance party at the end. It was a really unconventional way to close the conference, but Kristen Nelson led everyone in a series of movements to "Flawless." Everyone was encouraged to participate at their comfort level and it was wonderful to release the energy accumulated throughout the day.

5.) It was imperfect. There is still a long way to go. I hope to see more diversity next year, more inclusion, more opportunities for attendees to connect and the creation of a more supportive environment that allows everyone to process what they've learned. There are so many opportunities for growth next year and I can't wait to see what the team comes up with.

I love the social media team for collecting experiences. Well done!

See you next year?

Monday, June 15, 2015


I wish you could have heard Lydia perform this. Heard the cracks in her voice. The power in the breaks of silence. I wish you could have seen the tears in the audience's eyes. But not everyone can attend Words on the Avenue, so I asked her to share her poem here. 

This is for every person who's ever experienced a sigh, glance, or conversation that asked if you've always been "like this."

When I see photos other people take of me,
I can’t help but feel like I am looking at myself
from above. I can’t help but think, “That is not
my body.” Those are not my overflowing thighs.
Those are not my knees, as wide as a colorless horizon.
That is certainly not my stomach, unraveling over
the waistline of a pair of shorts.

A doctor I didn’t know very well once asked me if I’d always
been “like this”. I wanted to tell her that bodies are such
strange things. I wanted to tell her it amazes me that when
I first began taking up space, I only weighed six pounds
and fourteen ounces. It amazes me that swallowing
a five milligram pill once a day for two months at
age fourteen made me “like this”. I wanted to tell her
that I was not always “like this”.

Once, I was one of the smallest kids in my class. Once,
my metabolism was faster than the Winter Solstice. I didn’t
always overflow and unravel. I could fit into the role
of Conventionally Beautiful without breaking the zipper.
I was not always “like this”. And when I feel like I need to,
I compare my body to the sky because it is one of the few parts
of nature I can relate to. The sky is fat, she wears the Universe
as though it’s a Size 16 gown, a Size 18, a Size 20 or 22.
The sky does not determine her worth by a number. The sky
is proud of herself, no matter what.

When I look back, I wonder if I should have told the doctor
that maybe I am disconnecting from the reality of who I am,
but at least I am closer to happiness than I’ve ever been.
I should’ve told her, fat is not a bad word, and I can’t think
of myself as overflowing anymore. I’m not a kitchen sink.
I’m not a small town in the middle of a tropical storm. I am
a body. I am somebody. I am somebody looking at herself
from the ground-level, and loving every inch of it. I am
a happy body. And this: this is my body.

Thursday, June 11, 2015


I was online window shopping yesterday (here of course) to beat a bummerface day and I found myself cackling so loud at the hilarious cat paraphernalia that was available that my own kitties didn't feel safe being in the same room as me. It was that entertaining.

SO let me raise a metaphorical glass to every person out there that inspires companies to make this ridiculously awesome shit and those that apparently buy it so it stays relevant and on the shelves. Y'all are my personal heroes and you deserve a designated holiday. Let's be BFFs, okay? And I say that knowing that many of us already are. I love all you fellow weirdos.

Here's a short list of the cat related items I found that inspired one of three reactions: "WTF?", OMG!" and "MEPLZKTHX":

Crafting With Cat Hair book: My cat hair is currently decorating my ceiling fans, but when it's done I'll totally buy this book.
Cosmo Cat Mug: Why the fuck wouldn't you own this?
Wine Stopper: One of my cats is a boozer and already tries this with very messy outcomes. This stopper seems like a far more effective way to save wine.

Cat Paw DOOR STOPPER: This was where I started to lose my shit while window shopping. The brilliance, I tell you!
Cat Pillow: This makes me really uncomfortable. 
Duvet Cover: It's not weird for people to cover their bed in printed cats when their bed is already covered in real cats.

Cat "Posterior" Magnets: I don't even know.
Custom Cat Portraits: I saw these and melted a little. 
Furry Cat Ear Headband: These are "season appropriate" in case you were wondering if summer was an good time to don 'em.

 Cat Mask: WTF I need this. I NEED THIS, RIGHT?
Dangle Cat Earrings: Yes, you can have kitties stuck in your earlobes.
"Caturday Night" Tee: This is a perfectly acceptable reason to not leave the house.

Hopefully if you're also having a bummerface day, these things will at best: make you laugh at the awesome absurdity available and at worst make you roll your eyes and thank your lucky stars that your life is so much cooler than mine since this is what I'm doing right now. I'm okay with both.

And a word about that shirt: hanging out with your cats instead of humans IS a legitimately wonderful thing to do and if you're wanting a movie/wine/pizza night with your feline besties I have the complete list of supplies for you to make it purrrfect.

Sorry. I had to.

There is "Fat Cat" wine for you AND wine for your cat. Yes, it's a wonderful world we live in and it exists. Campy cat movies I'd recommend include Cat People (1948), The Cat From Outer Space (1978),  Homeward Bound (1993), and That Darn Cat (1965). Wanting a guaranteed hit? The Aristocats or Tom & Jerry of course!

And of course, don't forget the kitty shaped pizzas. Obvs.

Cat people save me from totally chalking off humanity. Hearts to all you kitty lovin' peeps!