So, I've gained weight.
I know it. My partner knows it. My family knows it. My
friends know it. The jerks who spend too much time on Reddit know it. And if you've followed me along my journey for
the last couple years, I'm sure you know it too.
This experience isn't unique. In fact, it is entirely
possible you have gained weight at some point in your life — maybe even
recently!
After coming to terms with my “new” bodily features, I
started sorting through my thoughts (while mixing them with a fair amount of
good ol' logic) to figure out what this does and does not mean for
me. So far, I've come to these undeniable conclusions:
What it DOESN'T mean:
- My value as a person has decreased.
- I am now broken and must be fixed.
- I have failed myself and everyone around me.
- I must return to “old me” in order to be happy and successful.
- I am going to lose all my friends.
- Supergirl is a riveting show that everyone should watch (sorry, Supergirl fans).
- The world is going to end.
What it DOES mean:
- I've gained weight
Seriously. That's all it means. We want to make it so
complicated, but in reality... It's just that simple.
Have you gained weight? The above applies to you too. Catastrophe
averted!
There are many reasons why my weight gain has happened; some
completely "out of my control" and some totally "within"
it. But regardless of why, none of these reasons need to be explained or
apologized for because the only person I am accountable to when it comes to my
body is me.
I'll say that again: The only person I am accountable to when it comes to my body is me.
(This also applies to you.)
Not surprisingly though, this physical change has come with
a large amount of mindfuckery. After all, I had just become comfortable with my
body (thanks to an arduous amount of body love work over the years) — now, that
body shape I learned to love was no more. Now I needed to re-learn how to love
my body with all its new features.
Goddamnit, Life.
IT WAS HARD ENOUGH
THE FIRST TIME. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN.
But I have to do it again. Because even if my body doesn't
look like this forever, it looks like this right now, and right now is real and
valid.
And if I'm going to be totally honest, this change is a good
thing for me mentally.
Real Talk: My body is going to keep changing for the rest of
my life. If it's not weight
gain, it will be aging. If not aging, it could be an illness. If not an
illness, it could be any number of things that will cause inevitable change,
which will require me to to learn to love the change.
Change is nothing if
not constant, and this is where body acceptance comes in. It's taken me a while
to learn that body acceptance isn't necessarily just about learning to love
your body right now....
I watch this change happen everywhere. My mom has only
recently learned to embrace her body shape (C-section
stomach and all!) but is now trying to come to terms that her
metabolism is slowing. A reader shared that she learned to love her plus body
and then developed a disease that caused the loss of her hair; she is now on
the journey to learn to love this part of her too. Another person is trying to
cope with losing skin elasticity. Someone out there is learning to love their
new skin condition.
You get the picture.
All of these things are very real, possible, and have
nothing to do with a person's beauty or worth. But we tend to forget this.
Many ask me if I am going to try to become the two-years-ago
version of myself again.
My immediate reaction, when I first considered the option,
was yes. After all, I'm only human. I've been raised in this bullshit-spewing
society too.
But after real thought, it's a resounding NO. This sends my
brain the wrong message, that size is the end-all, be-all — and it most certainly
isn't.
Trying to return to
my body from two years ago is ultimately the most harmful thing I could do to
myself.
Rather, I am going to check in with myself about my life
habits — focusing on my behaviors instead of my body.
Am I doing anything I
feel is damaging? Would I like to change anything to improve quality of life?
Ultimately, what is best for me in the grand scheme of things?
These are the things we can look at if we really want to
take the focus off of body standards and onto a healthy life: mentally,
physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Our value does not
lie in our weight, hair, bellies, skin, or even physical health. These are all
just components of our outsides, and our outside is only one part of “us.”
Now, what you do and feel about your body is your business.
I'm not here to tell you what to do or how to think. But I am here to suggest —
take it or leave it! — that there is likely going to be another change (or 10)
that will happen in your lifetime.
Change is nothing if not constant, and this is where body
acceptance comes in. It's taken me a while to learn that body acceptance isn't
necessarily just about learning to love your bodyright now — though this
is a great first step! It extends far beyond that, and also includes
deconstructing the actual reasons behind body hatred: learning why we've
decided that we're not OK in general.
It's about dismantling the thought that there is a “perfect” body to achieve. It's sometimes about letting go of the belief that you are nothing more than your body.
Tall order and slightly confusing, I know. But this is what
I'm working on.
Changing bodies are a great reminder that body love and
acceptance (deep, deep down) isn't about bodies at all, but rather a profound
and untouchable acceptance of the fact that you are wonderful — no matter what.
Try practicing this belief. Try cultivating total self-love.
Try letting go of unattainable goals and focusing on the amazing things you are
and your body is.
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Tl;dr?
Well then, read this instead: Fuck society's standards, my friend. You are awesome, no matter what the scale or mirror says. You are a valuable human and deserve happiness above all else. And you get to decide what that happiness looks like for yourself.
¿Comprende? Now go get 'em, Tiger.
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This piece was originally published on Ravishly <3
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Like this blog? Then you'll probably love my book Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. TNOWTFG " is a manifesto and call to arms for people of all sizes and ages." Learn more here.
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