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Thursday, April 4, 2013

HATE MAIL IS JUST A HAZARD OF THE JOB


Oh noes! How did that middle finger get there? I must have just read another comment from another asshat telling me I'm worthless because I'm fat! Damn those instant reflexes!  *grin*

I got an email from a reader I (now) love, and I wanted to share it with you because it addresses something I contemplate a lot:


I thanked her profusely for writing and mentioned that it's just part of putting yourself out there. I happened to post a personal ad that day (more on that awesome topic later) and received an unwarranted email from an angry stranger. I shared it with her then, and I'll share it with you now:
Of course he sent more harsh words so he could have the last say, but I merely responded with a chuckle and "Hugs and Kisses xoxo". And that was that.

This simple act of responding with a smile instead of tears marked the miles that I have come in my body acceptance journey. When emailing the lovely reader back I mentioned that after the Tumblr fiasco, not much can be said that shocks or devastates me anymore. I suppose it's like growing a thick skin, but it's not happening because of facing persistent negativity. It's happening because each time I stand up for myself I'm solidifying the fact that I. LOVE. ME. It's quite a magical little shield, this thing called self love. 

If I was totally on the ball, I would have remembered to tell Mr. AngryStranger that I would have to get back to him a little later after replying to the 67 positive responses in my inbox. Next time.

I talk a lot about rejecting another's definition of us (like here and here), but this topic is a touch different than the rest. We're talking about bodies here. The thing that defines who we are the least but instigates the most shame. So weird. To judge someone by the way they look is outrageous. To internalize the judgment is unfortunate. Now, I'm just going to nod my head in agreement with this:
Amen. 
Now. Read that quote aloud, watch this INCREDIBLE gif and remember all of this when someone throws a derogatory comment your way. Got it? 

20 comments:

  1. I love your response!

    I once got an email that said "Diet Pepsi won't help you lose weight, you fat cow". I just said "Although I appreciate your concern for my weight, I am perfectly happy with the size I am. I have no desire to lose weight, and drink Diet Pepsi purely because I prefer the taste. Thank you very much for your email". They ended up sending me a really polite email back. I think it freaked them out when I replied so nicely!

    Becky
    xx

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  2. This is closely related to something I learned very, very early on when I started helping with online communities/forums: Do not feed the troll.

    You can have your say if it makes you feel better, but discussion isn't the point, and the instant you spend more time than YOU want to, they win.

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  3. Such a great post! You are an inspiration. Sorry some people are asshatty.

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  4. Amen Hillary and Jes.

    zuleyb.blogspot.com

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  5. well stated, and appreciated!
    rock on!!

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  6. Damn you're inspirational! I love it! And I really love that quote, thanks for sharing that =D

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  7. Love that Hilary quote, just pinned it! Also, love you (duh.)

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  8. SUCH a great quote! Thanks for sharing with us :) You rock super hard, you know ;)

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  9. That Hillary quote, AMAZING! I hate when dudes think that just because you're a curvy girl that automatically means you're not dateable. F that nonsense. I'll take being "fat" over super skinny any day!

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  10. Great Hilary quote!
    Aaaaaand Madeleine L'Engle said : “Hate hurts the hater more'n the hated.”

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  11. LOVE THIS POST. Im trying to resist the urge to comment on every single pst I've missed as I play blog-catchup. You're a babe, jes. XO

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  12. I applaud you for being comfortable in your own skin, but you get a thumbs down for the profanity. Don't get me wrong, I'm an overweight, tattooed Mom myself. I agree we shouldn't judge others on looks. And you are a pretty girl. Why use all the vulgar language and hand signs? It knocks your attractiveness down quite a bit. I'm a frequent user of profanity myself, but not in a public forum.

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    Replies
    1. You are more than welcome to not read my blog, or think I'm attractive. I'm okay with that.

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  13. The quoted statement ("You may not agree...") is not by Hillary Clinton It's from the last paragraph of a Jezebel post by Erin Gloria Ryan.

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    1. Damn! I knew that I shouldn't have trusted that source!!! I'll fix it!

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  14. MorningGloria! I love that quote, is she writing elsewhere now? I never seem to see her on Jezebel any more.

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  15. You are more confident than I think I could ever be...my self esteem is not particularly low, but you take it to another level where I know I'm not at because of inhibitions and insecurities (oh and no way would I want to handle the hate mail, I get too riled up!) Thank you for consistently, and unashamedly posting who you are, what you love, and making others feel better as well as yourself.

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  16. I frickin love you! Being a fat chick all my life and hating it all of my teenage years and most of my twenties sucked, but since I hit my 30's I'm like, damn I'm hot. I wear what I want,do what I want and man r the responses awesome! THANK YOU for being you!

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  17. I just recently found your blog partly in thanks to that doucher from A&F. I'm not at the confidence level that you are but here's to hoping that slowly but surely I'll get there. I've found myself doing a lot of the self-cruelty you talk about. And I've actually ran into several people who have made really shitty comments either about me or to me through email on a dating website. People say some pretty awesome things behind your back or when they aren't face to face. How do you do it? This shit happened months ago and I still think about it from time to time. Actually the dude who told my brother I was a fatty...I wanna punch him in the throat every time I see him. Clearly it still bothers me! Lol Suggestions?

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