A THANK YOU LETTER FOR THE HATERS

If there was ever a day that ignorance and hatred was welcomed into my life with open arms... today would be that day.

My "Don't like it? Don't look." image ended up in the revolting throes of fat-phobic Tumblr sites with comments ranging from claiming rights to think that I'm gross, to threats to run a "fat heifer" over with their car. Charming, really. Six months ago, this would have indubitably hurt my feelings; would have brought up years of internalized shame. But today... today I was inexplicably grateful for their asinine commentary. 

You see, I may live in a culture that makes fatness a social sin... but I also live within a subculture that loves people no matter what they look like. And I've become accustomed to civil courtesy, spoiled fatty that I am. In fact, I sat in a meeting yesterday with three gorgeous women, all of us talking about burlesque contributions for the Body Love Conference that I am currently organizing. Having never approached self love in a conversation with these three before, I was amazed when we were all passionately on the exact same body acceptance page. This is what I mean by spoiled.  They knew the truth, and I knew the truth, and people immediately around me know the truth... so why was I facilitating this conference again?

Too often we become lost in the personal world that we create. And as we progress, we assume the world progresses with us. But honey, it most certainly doesn't. For someone to minimize my entire worth into that of road kill, simply because of a body shape they see online is a clear reminder  for anyone that we have centuries of body acceptance work ahead of us. I personally consider it a double reminder. Psychology has proven that a person who has self esteem doesn't engage in cyber bullying; they just don't. This means that these bloggers not only feel that it's socially appropriate to voice hate, but also feel an element of body hate themselves. It creates an ugly circle of verbal degradation where they project their own self animosity onto others which then causes their "victim" to feel personal failure and project that onto someone else until... You get the idea. Fortunately, today that not only stops here, but starts a ripple of the opposite action.

Another's comments cannot offend me unless I make a conscious decision to let them. Which, obviously I don't, so that ends that right there. What I take away instead, is motivation and inspiration to create a body positive world more evolved than I ever dreamed. So yes, I'll be working double time on this conference, and making sure that it's available to anyone who wants to participate.

So thank you trolls. That was just the inspiration that I needed!

xoxoxo
Jes

59 comments

  1. GODDDDDD You are so fucking inspirational I can barely stand it. You make me want to stand up on my computer chair to cheer and applaud! You are sexy, confident, you don't let the haters get you down, and you even turned the hate around into an opportunity/inspiration for your project. If I wasn't already a grown woman, I'd say "When I grow up I want to be Jes the Militant Baker".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, I couldn't agree more.
      You are so thoughtful and inspiring.
      Thank you for being the little voice of confidence we all need.

      I am so excited to have stumbled upon this blog while I still have some living ahead of me ;)
      You've provided so much courage to so many people.
      I hope you truly understand how appreciated your voice is.

      Sending you a hundred bagillion thousand hugs xo!

      Delete
  2. I'm already a grown woman and I want to be you when I grow up. <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever had the joy of stumbling across. Anon up there is on the mark: you are so fucking inspirational.

    THANK YOU.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I second all those wonderful comments above...I have only known you a short time and am amazed. It made me cry. You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah Jes!! =D I give you a super thumbs up!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tumblr is a wonderful site that really inspires me. I'm so glad I've got one. But, there is also a part of Tumblr that is sick and ugly. People post things like "If this gets 1,000 notes I won't kill myself!" and people judging others for the way they look, it's sick. People like that are just insecure and ignorant. It's great you're at a point where you're no longer bothered, because you shouldn't be, you're gorgeous as hell and so brave for what you're doing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You're inspiring! We need more body positivity for all body types. We need more positivity overall. I love your blog and your strong voice.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yes! I loved this post even more than the last one, which I loved so much. Keep it up Darlin'!

    ReplyDelete
  9. And yours is the world I would rather live in!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Fuck 'em. You're a beautiful & brave woman.

    ReplyDelete
  11. well. heh. i posted your pic on tumblr because i think it's inspiring and fucking brilliant, and i thought it would inspire/challenge others as well. i had NO IDEA the commotion it would cause!!! i wrote a rebuttal of sorts on my own tumblr, but Jes, can i say (again) that you are AMAZING and INSPIRING and, man, KEEP IT UP!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. hot mama! looking gorgeous!! totally inspired <3

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can't say YES! enough to this post. Very well written and inspiring. The third big paragraph is amazing, I love it all.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't know why anyone has to be mean. I have never looked at anyone and said or thought, I wouldn't want to get to know them because they are fat, skinny, a different color skin etc. I think you are beautiful and I bet you are loads of fun to be around because of your attitude!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Don't let the negativity take up free rent inside of your head. I think about the nasty stuff that's said to me constantly and then remember I would just be letting that stuff take up space where I could be putting everything positive. Negativity = waste of space. You're a beautiful, confident, and strong-willed woman. I think you're setting a great example by putting yourself out there.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think you're a gorgeous and inspiring woman because you're fierce, confident, and true to yourself. Also, your cats are frickin adorable. Much love and thanks to you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are beautiful! I have also realized that Tumblr is the taint of the internet. Hate that place so much.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Jess, you are a warrior. You are beautiful warrior sent from heaven!

    Warrior...


    Lizz
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jeez...I wish I had enough time in the day to spend it on commenting my hatred for others! No really I don't, I prefer to do positive things like cheer girls like you on!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Screw 'em. You're awesome. Don't forget it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I've never quite gotten the point of trolls, but you've made it apparent they're here to bolster our spirits! Another wonderfully written post that has my mind turning. And you look beautiful, as always <3

    ReplyDelete
  22. You look fantastic and you are an inspiring young lady!
    I posted a pic of you on my blog today...!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yeah, you ROCK!!!!! Hope your week is fantastic ~ Tanya

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have been a lurker on your blog but felt this was a good time to make myself known -- you rock! I was just telling my friend about your "Don't like it? Don't look!" post and how much it pushed me to question all the things about my own body/life that I waste time being ashamed of or awkward about or apologizing for...THANKS for what you do & say & write on this blog. It makes a difference to me & I'm glad you do it.

    ReplyDelete
  25. YOU inspire ME! Anyone who would feel compelled to spew hatred of that magnitude probably can't stand to look into a mirror for more than a few seconds. Keep paving the road for acceptance!!
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  26. If there was one person on the internet I would love to sit down to have coffee with, it would be you, hands down. I love your addition of psychology, because that is exactly what I want to do. I am in graduate school to learn ways to heal the scars of body hatred internal and external. I was thinking about modeling, in the learning sense, and the power it has to teach us ways of being in the world without us even knowing it. I know you have a sense of your own power, but I don't think you can overestimate what a force for change you are. The act of doing, being, and sharing sends out ripples of learning and presents alternative possibilities to the culture of hate. So here are ripples of love back at you. Thank you for existing.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You go, girl! I seek to learn from your example and grow a thicker skin about that kind of personal criticism. Kind of flattering, I suppose, that so many people would give their time and attention to one picture (and statement) of you. Even if it's vitriolic, that's minutes of their short, short lives....all to you!

    ReplyDelete
  28. you look so hot in that pic :) love your smile! smiles are smiles fat or thin!
    ps by bmi i'm obsese! fat and proud

    Barnicles

    ReplyDelete
  29. what a n amazing blog!!! really love it!!

    If u want invite u to visit our blog and we can follow each other :)

    http://laviestsuperbe.blogspot.gr

    ReplyDelete
  30. What a beautiful response to a totally unnecessary shitstorm! I adore your attitude (and your gorgeous lingerie).

    ReplyDelete
  31. Your response is pretty much perfect and I love your attitude. Inspirational :-)

    Nina
    indierockkid.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. I absolutely adore your blog <3. Amazing.
    I haven't been this excited about a blog in a long time.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  33. You are so damn cute I can't stand it. Love your blog. It is full of inspiration and down-right yumminess. Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I LOVE this post. Thank you for your honesty and candor. Cheers to a wonderful woman!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I'm a new subscriber...you're pretty much a hardcore awesome punch in the face & I really needed it. Being a blogger I sometimes catch flack because my main topic is beauty. Sometimes the comments can sting. Thanks for the reminder!

    ReplyDelete
  36. You look and sound disgusting. Just trying to be inspirational.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I often think the reason why there are so many fat haters out there is because of pure jealousy. Jealous that they work so hard to keep their body in shape, go to the gym, eat right, don't drink beer, and still everyday they look in the mirror and hate their body. And then to see someone who is overweight by today's standards be so completely happy and confident without torturing themselves on a daily basis must just drive them up the wall.

    ReplyDelete
  38. You are beautiful! And this picture is just so amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  39. LOVE it!!! You are truly inspirational, and I love what you're doing. Keep fighting the good fight!

    ReplyDelete
  40. How do you get to that point. I want to for my sanity, but don't know how. :/

    ReplyDelete
  41. I have that same nighty. <3

    ReplyDelete
  42. You are gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Your confidence is the sexiest part of you! And your curves.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Jes,

    It's Harry YOU ROCK

    ReplyDelete
  45. Jessica BlizzardMay 26, 2013 at 7:18 PM

    You are such a badass and you look so beautiful in this pic!!!

    ReplyDelete

Back to Top