I'm learning more and more about how radical fat girl clothes can be. As I educate myself on the ways of other fabulous fatties, each essay I read helps me realize how important publicly owning one's body is. In the previous post, I talked about the "rules" of dressing a fat body. It is expected that we follow these rules and by doing so we are outwardly acknowledging our physical inferiority. What we don't realize is that by simply existing, we are making a political statement... By simply existing, our bodies are defying social expectation. And so, to unapologetically wear clothes that break the rules... well, that is revolutionary.
This skirt is that "finger to The Man" for me.
One of those pieces of clothing that you look at on the rack and say "never in a million years", but convince yourself to try it on... "Just for shits and giggles, Self. You would never wear it, but wouldn't it be funny to see what it looks like?" So you chuckle to yourself and take it into the dressing room. Then you stand there, looking in the mirror, examining every imperfection of your body and becoming more and more disappointed because you secretly really really really loved that skirt. This happens to me all the time, and I would call bullshit if you said you didn't know what I was talking about. :) Well, this time I said "What the fuck" and bought it.
AND THEN I WORE IT IN PUBLIC.
SEVERAL TIMES.
When you start wearing "crazy shit", you acclimate surprisingly quickly. The first time I wore it, I was hyper aware of how tight it was. Of how shiny and metallic it was. Of how it accentuated my tummy profile that was anything but flat. And then I started caring less and less. And loving it more and more.
One of my favorite things to do is day trip with my Him. We did this a lot when we started dating, and I convinced him to go again yesterday. I always plan trip clothes ahead of time because 1.) its exciting to travel and I want to look awesome while doing so and 2.) its a new group of people that get their first chance to check me out. I went for broke yesterday and wore my FA (fucking awesome) gold foil skirt to Tumacacori. One phenomenal part about living in the Southwest is the abundance of Spanish missions and cathedrals. Some are well preserved, and others are in ruin, but they are all magnificent in their cultural glory. Mission San José de Tumacácori was a new one for us and so we made a day out of Mission exploration and Mexican food. It was a good choice.
I never know if people stare because I'm fat, tattooed, or dressed in a metallic outfit, but regardless I happily grin at the success of turning so many heads. Now, I'm going to do something that is abnormal and quite difficult for me. I'm posting a picture that I would have instantly deleted in disgust under any other circumstances... a picture that highlights my visible belly outline. Rachele talks about her "VBO" quite a bit, and while I applaud her for her bravery, I could never bring myself to publicly acknowledge that mine existed. But oh, how it does. And a thin shiny mini skirt is bound to prove it.
In the "couples" picture my tanktop failed to cover and my panties failed to hold in my giant stomach. Epicly failed. When reviewing, I had to take my finger off the delete button and talk myself down from the self hatred cliff. I really didn't want to post the photo, but at the same time, I didn't want to be a hypocrite and post everything except for this. So here I am. With a visible belly. Giving the middle finger to those who say its disgusting or shameful. Hoping it helps change my mind as well... and it already kinda is.
In the "couples" picture my tanktop failed to cover and my panties failed to hold in my giant stomach. Epicly failed. When reviewing, I had to take my finger off the delete button and talk myself down from the self hatred cliff. I really didn't want to post the photo, but at the same time, I didn't want to be a hypocrite and post everything except for this. So here I am. With a visible belly. Giving the middle finger to those who say its disgusting or shameful. Hoping it helps change my mind as well... and it already kinda is.
And can I just show you these kick ass fat angels I found in "El Gato Loco"? We went in there because it was called "The Crazy Cat" (duh), but stayed because it had phenominal Mexican trinkets. Like these blatantly chubby sexy tin angels. I've never seen these before in all my years living near the border, and the greatest thing is that these in Mexican culture are NOT revolutionary. They are welcomed, embraced, and celebrated.
That feeling that you described, that exactly why I HATE shopping. It's something that I have to work on, but I can't stand shopping for clothes. Especially when you go to show someone outside of the fitting room and the salespeople just stare. Ughughugh.
ReplyDeleteBut that picture of you and your Him, all I can think about is how amazingly adorable you two look together and how perfect that scenery is.
P.S. I'm a little jealous that you're in a tanktop and skirt while I'm bundled up in sweaters. I love Wisconsin cold, but I love tanktops =D
We all live for Az winters:)
DeleteI would love to hear where you shop. I get so tired of all the frump available locally.
ReplyDeleteY'know... I got this skirt and a lot of others at target! Their L, XL, and XXL all fit me wonderfully.
DeleteAnd this gold skirt was on clearance. It was meant to be.
You look amazing! That skirt is beautiful and sexy :D
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude to life xxx people should care less and be more like you xxx
ReplyDeleteplease stop by my blog:
http://rainingcakeandcookies.blogspot.co.uk/
I NEED one of those fat angels!
ReplyDeleteMe too. I need ALL of them.
DeleteThat skirt is awesome! I'd totally rock that!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about finding something you love on the rack and then trying it on and then having that wave of self-doubt when you realize it isn't "flattering" (aka slimming). I don't know how many times I leave stores discouraged and upset because of this... Though for me, it's usually shirts that are fitted up top that cause me the issue, and sadly an ill-fitting top that my boobs are decidedly displaying well below the fitted part they're supposed to fit in is something I can't abide.
love the photos! the scenery is amazing and so is your outfit! so glad I stumbled upon your blog :) new follower!
ReplyDeleteSaralyn
www.studiomaisonblog.us
Thanks Saralyn!
DeleteAhhh! Yes. I just found a pair of skinny jeans with a crazy (awesome) floral pattern and bought them. The whole time though all I could think is "these are NOT flattering on me". But I loved them. Thats probably the first time I've done that, actually said fuck it and just bought them. Now to wear them...
ReplyDeleteAnyways you are a huge inspiration! I love that you are so open. And you look adorable with your him. I didn't even notice the VBO right away ;)
That skirt is AWESOME and it looks so good on you! I love your personality and how you write, it's so inspiring! I hope I can learn to be as confident as you!
ReplyDelete♥Brooke
http://youreinbrookelynn.blogspot.com/
Me too Brooke;) I still have super bad days, but theyre lessening...
Deletewhat a beautiful place! and a cute skirt! i am guilty of hiding my VBO. i have a dress i bought last christmas that i loved in the store, but got to chicken to wear when i got it home and could see my belly. i still haven't worn it out of the house. dang.
ReplyDeleteI love the missions here. I would love to do a travel log of all the ones in this vicinity...
DeleteI really am! But I'm getting better :)
ReplyDeleteThe skirt is amazing and so is your VBO. Its a hard adjustment, I struggle with mine, and the outline of my hips that goes out (hips), then in (very top of leg) then out again around my saddle bags. Plus one of my saddle bags is bigger because of a car accident.
ReplyDeleteBut once you keep pushing your boundaries, including sharing "unflattering" pictures, you realise that a) we all still think you look goddamn hot, and inspirational, but it will just free you up so much internally.
I often wish my friends (most of whom are skinny) could embark on a body acceptance path, because it just feels AMAZING. Its a tough road, full of lumps and bums (pun definitely intended ;-) ) but worth every second of time invested. xx
Your fucking amazing! I also really love those angels...I'm going through a body acceptance path myself right now. I'm dieting, but for health reasons, and i'm trying to accept my body... stretch marks and all. It's not easy.
ReplyDeleteXo,
Eeka
Love. Love. Love.
ReplyDeleteI have those "aw man, I wish I could just get this and rock it but i better put it back" moments often. I HATE shopping for this reason. I'll be thinking of you on my next outing for clothes for sure!
You look sexy and happy and confident. AMAZING!
Guh! You look AMAZING, that skirt is fantastic! I hear you on the VBO, I've been trying to accept the two things that I still shy away from showing, VBO and my arms. I love myself, so why am I hiding! It's hard though and I'm glad you posted the picture!
ReplyDeleteyour sitting on the steps with the "stay off the steps sign" made the museum employee in me cringe a thousand cringes. that being said, you know i freaking love you in that skirt.
ReplyDeleteIt was Klints idea!!! Love it;)
DeleteThanks for posting the VBO pic! Your body is built pretty similarly to mine, and it makes me feel good and empowered to know that you are okay with the world seeing your *gasp* visible belly outline! I'm going to stop sweatin' mine so much.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog today and freaked seeing this at the bottom of another post because I own this skirt. I wore it briefly last Thanksgiving and my Dad gave me crap over it. It doesn't fit now, but that was the only time I ever wore it and that is a damn tragedy! Thank you for this post because if it ever fits again, I will wear it and wear it proudly! <3
ReplyDeleteI wore a baby pink with black trim corset to a club once with a tight black skirt. Dare I say I felt sooo HOT!
ReplyDeleteI like your blog. So let's get two things out of the way...I'm not fat but I do break rules. OFTEN. I like that you own your look. Those who cannot pull of unique styles fail because they don't believe in their own image, not because of their body type, age or conventional lack of beauty. Plus, I've noticed when you own your look people feel free to blurt out their opinions, whether good or bad. When I hear "I'd never wear those" or "That's different" or even "I don't like it"...clearly unsolicited opinions, I know it's working. NO one says that to a girl that's not wearing thick skin, so keep on rockin' on.
ReplyDeleteI just bought a leather mini with a flared hem. I am nervous about it because a. I'm fat. b. I'm 42 years old. I am now struggling with not only negative thoughts about my body, but also about my age. ("Am I too old to pull this skirt off?"). I went ahead and bought it because I LOVED it. I tried it on today and it really looks pretty good!! I am still stressing the age idea in relation to it. Anyhow, I found your blog this evening and I am inspired. Thank you for putting yourself out there and being a role model in the truest since of the word!! Color me inspired. :-)
ReplyDelete