WHY I FIGHT


I was walking downtown when I was stopped by two ladies at a presidential canidate table. They asked me if I wanted to volunteer for data entry until the elections and as I was filling out my contact information, a woman walked by and they asked her the same thing. She said "I don't vote" and they asked why. "It's not like my vote counts... the constitution is outdated and as a Christian I don't agree with anything 'he' says." God bless these ladies at the table because though she clearly didn't support their preferred candidate they STILL queried: Do you know that by not voting it's just making things worse? The girl avoided eye contact but then determinedly said as she walked away "It's not like it matters. The whole world is going to pot anyways".

Gross.

That said, I found myself because of unrelated circumstances on my Mom's couch the next week sobbing into my hands garbled words about how everything that I try and do to chip away at the tragic state of the world is undone ten fold by those behind me. Why do I even try? Why am I the only one who works so hard to make a better place? Why are people so angry and hateful and profoundly stupid? How did we get this way? Why aren't my efforts enough? Why must I keep on fighting when I know it won't make difference? My Mom in her (truly) infinite wisdom simply said:

If we don't do it, who will?

I am confronted my profound stupidity and ignorance every minute of every day, and it wears me down. It wears me down to the bone. When I Google 'fat girl' a cruel "Would I fuck a fat girl?" test pops up. Bloggers tell me I'm a bully because I expressed an opinion they didn't want to hear. People in my life tell me that I'm a wonderful person and all but no one should be allowed to be fat. When I joke that I am the "token fat" model, people respond with "Awww, I'm sorry." Strangers look at my tattoos and say "well, that was a stupid decision". I have people send me emails that tell me that I am a fleshy abomination to the human species and I should be imprisoned for glorifying obesity. Or, that they hate is when fat people call themselves "curvy" when they are just lazy (I told them I didn't like assholes, so we probably wouldn't get along anyhow). Old friends tell me that I am destroying the American economy by supporting planned pregnancy. I know people who stood in line at Chick-fil-A, and it disgusts me. Readers are concerned about my salvation because I don't follow their rules. Moronic health professionals tell me that some people fake a mental illness. Some people ask me if I'm on my period when I adamantly disagree with their bullshit. Zealots verbally pity me for not practicing a traditional religion. People passively infer that I should at least try to make myself more attractive when applying for jobs. Chauvinistic assholes tell me that my beef with another woman has nothing to do with her evil agenda, but rather with the fact that she's prettier than me. I cry often because I am somehow convinced that I am ugly. People that tell me every day that being happy with who I am, the way I am is unacceptable and a cardinal sin.

THIS is why somebody has to fight.

We really cant afford for this epidemic of ignorance to snowball any longer. People just don't know what is outside their tiny realm of reality and this frustrates me, outrages me, and depresses me all at the same time. I can see so clearly how fucked this all is... why can't everyone else? It's depressing that every day I fight to feel okay. It's infuriating that because some people are so committed to making others miserable there is a fight in the first place. I am outraged at the legalization of hate in this world. This hasta change.

There is no easy answer as to how to accomplish change, but I do have a method. Do you remember that time Michele Obama served at a shelter and a homeless man asked to take her picture with his cell phone? Do you remember how every fucking person made a big stink about the fact that a homeless man had a cell phone as if he should be suffering in the sorriest state of poverty possible? As if being homeless and unemployed wasn't enough but they wanted him have absolutely nothing in life until he got a job and started contributing like a normal citizen in society? Fuck me, people can be awful. Did anyone pause to educate themselves about the free "Lifeline" government project that's been around since the 90's that now uses cheap cell phones for... yknow, a life line? Did they stop to think that in order to get a job, an employer has to be able to reach them? Did they think, that perhaps in an accident or when being attacked someone might need to call for help? Did they stop to think that focusing on something so insignificant makes them look like the biggest dick in the word? I like this response to the LA Times' article.

The reason this story is relevant is because as I was listening to this on NPR, I was struck with my revelation on how to go about mending the worlds problems. It is not enough to make sure that homeless men have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a phone to keep them safe. These contributions are crucial, critical and not to be forgotten or marginalized, but there is another part... we need to educate the ignorant. The guys who say take the necessities away. The guys who say you are worthless. If we do not do BOTH of these, we will be left with a never ending war between the cause and effect. Assisting both sides of the issue is the only way to resolution. This is the case with every egalitarian issue. All of them.

For me, this reveals itself in many interesting ways. I must educate people about the myths of mental illness, the atrocities of female reproductive rights, fat discrimination and actual dietary studies. I do this by working with adults in recovery supporting them and talking about it. Attending political rallies and volunteering my time for policy education and talking about it. Fat modeling and fat advocating and talking about it. I talk about this all the time. It helps, it really does.

 But you should "never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to not understanding you" at the same time. Swimming upstream is exhausting so make sure you find the people who are ready to listen. Spend your energy there. Share your solutions, and then do them. This is the vital second part. Feed, train, help, assist, and love those who need it at the same time. When these two solutions collide... well that is where change starts.

It's really hard to do this. It's just too easy to hide in our world with our friends and cats and others and vinyl records and cameras and think everything's just dandy out there in the world. And there is nothing really wrong with that. However, clusterfucks always gather speed, so if you are willing to promote change you most certainly should. Find something you're passionate about. My mom is passionate about promoting non-violence. My grandma is passionate about educating the world about how bad red Gatorade is for you. My friend is getting politicians and their laws out of our vaginas. Another friend is funding Arizona literacy programs. Cassie is all about educating others about the environment. Liz is promoting size acceptance by promoting affordable and pretty plus clothes. My Him is for finding apartments for those who can't afford them because of mental illness. My co-worker is preaching about sustainable food sources and healthy choices. Really, there a million things out there that need fixing. Choose one.

Don't think its going to be easy. It's not for me, but I'll be damned if I quit fighting for what I passionately believe in. And you can fucking quote me on that.

P.S. How RAD is that picture? Amiright?

34 comments

  1. This gave me fucking chills. I just love you.

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  2. This is just perfect! It gave me butterflies!

    I was privileged to be taught from a very young age, if I don't fight, who will?

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  3. Lady, you are an awesome and most inspirational, intelligent, beautiful human being! Keep on fighting, sister :D thanks for this powerful post.

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  4. Fan-flippin-tastic photo! Wow, the more I read your post the more your brave, raw and beautiful mind is revealed!

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  5. Yes, that's the most awesome picture ever. And I agree with everything you said. Fighting ignorance is an uphill battle. And you can't take other's stupidity personally or you'll go crazy. You know you've got the right mindset, so just keep that up and good things are sure to follow.

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  6. I was having a particularly bad day when I stumbled upon your blog about a month ago. It's so hard to stay determined when you see your efforts swept under a pile of ignorance. Just want you to know that you encouraged me to keep fighting. Thank you!

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  7. Sooooo completely agree with you here! To start making votes actually count you have to VOTE! That's the first step!

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  8. Yes. Just yes. I have a glorious 18 month old daughter, and I had thought the world would already be so much better for her by the time I was 30 and having kids. It's not, though, and I'll be damned if I just sit back and let it get worse. Voting and talking back and volunteering--I'm glad you're doing it!--are so completely vital. Thanks for the reminder.

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  9. It's going to pot? That's a new one...

    And can I just say I was sobbing like a baby a week ago? And I can honestly say that it was about the exact same thing. Dealing with the ignorance is exhausting and it makes me hate people so much! But then I try to calm myself down and remember that people aren't as fortunate as I am to see the world in the way that I do. People are within their bubbles and they're comfortable within their limits that they don't want to learn anything. But that's why we're here, right?

    But with that, I like to think about people like you who are willing to listen and are willing to fight for a cause. That puts a smile on my face when I'm sobbing.

    And 1) thanks for linking me up. And 2) that picture is way bad ass.

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  10. That photo is fucking rad sister. And, god, do I HEAR you. I spent a small portion of my Sunday crying after I tried to organize a vote no (against the marriage amendment) event. I had one friend come. One. It's really hard when you believe in something so passionately and feel that other people are not getting it, because to you it's so clear. This amendment in MN would be the first time that discrimination is actually written into our state's constitution. WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?! SO I am getting behind this movement, planning parties, events, and such. I am only one woman, but I am fucking doing this, man. I am crying as I write this, because it is ridiculous that I even have to FIGHT for this. Why should anyone have to fight to love. Today, I send you a lot of love. And strength to keep fighting.

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  11. Can you just be my personal spokesperson?

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  12. Fuck yes to everything you said. That photo of you is brilliant. I would like to order a button in 212x106 with that picture so that I may display it proudly.

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  13. I am a new reader...but I am already a big fan. I was drawn to your blog because of the common threads...weight and the same former religion. I spend a lot of time shaking my head in agreement with you...but today, I had to post my agreement because what you wrote just sang to me. Please keep fighting. Keep standing up, no matter what. What you are doing is worth it.

    It may seem small...but it matters. One of my favorite quotes says basically that small things, done consistently over time, result in the profound. So keep it up.

    Oh, and the picture? TOTALLY KICKS ASS!!

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  14. never. stop. fighting.

    this is why I keep reading. you're such a badass blogger and I love what you do for the world.

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  15. I think I love you. A-fuckin'-men.

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  16. Thank you.

    All too often I hear my friends lament that they don't vote because "one vote doesn't matter", especially as a liberal in a very conservative state. It drives me batty! So because it's an uphill battle you just throw up your hands? No, if you dont fight... if you don't tell someone that it's NOT ok, then who will?

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    1. I am a liberal in an embarrassingly conservative state. I feel like this makes it MORE of a priority to vote. I'm not gonna just pick up my ball and go home. Nothing gets done that way.

      So in other words: No, thank YOU.

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  17. Can you get out of my fucking head! I was having a TERRIBLE day because of these sorts of thoughts. Ok, make it a terrible freaking month.

    I totally understand what it feels like when you have the weight of negative bullshit, and ignorance on your shoulders. It sucks. But, what is the alternative? Letting idiocy run rampant? Letting ignorance win? A world where people cannot be who they want to be and are born to be would weight heavier on my shoulders than any stupid, oppressive remarks.

    You know what I think you did? I think you may have resolved my blogger's block. Thanks, chica!

    Love and revolution always,
    Steph
    www.bassability.blogspot.com

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    1. AND I grew up in the bible belt. I think it made me an even bigger "god-hating commie" than anywhere else. Just saying.

      S

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  18. You are such an inspiration. I missed your posts.

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  19. You really are an inspiration. Keep doing what you're doing!

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  20. We can never stop our fights - no matter what the cause is. It's BEYOND easy to feel overwhelmed and outnumbered on most days but we have to remember that we never know when someone is watching us and might feel compelled to take up their own worthy cause because of seeing how hard we fight for what we believe in. My personal fight is for humane animal treatment in a Southern state where animals are considered "property" and where so many people consider a woman speaking out about *anything* as a joke.

    Keep on fighting the good fight and remember that there are always going to be really hateful people who enjoy putting down and degrading others to make themselves feel better. We'll never be able to understand their reasoning because our minds and hearts don't work that way. And the cold, hard fact is that some people will never have compassion or empathy for anyone or anything and refuse to even consider putting themselves in someone else's shoes for one second. When we feel like quitting, we just have to remember that each life that we can impact means the *entire world* to that one who is affected. We might not be able to reach them all but each one is a victory. Don't let the cruel people bring you down because there is nothing that they'd like more.

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  21. Jes, thank you for fighting for what you believe is worth fighting for. Too many people are happy to be complaisant about their, and indeed other people's lots in life. I can only think that this means you have gained a perspective wise beyond years, educated beyond possible experience, but still passionate from personal experience. Thank you for sharing what you think here, for building a community around your thoughts and words, for reminding us all what the true power of ONE persons voice is. If you can move even two people to action, the rest of us here may have the ability to do the same. Each of our voices are important because they each reach different people.

    Thank you Jes for being brave and never giving in to the bullshit.

    --Erin
    Predictionspast.blogspot.ca

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  22. I don't agree with all your views, politics, religion, et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. BUT I LIKE YOU. I have lots of friends with whom I disagree, and you are just the sort I like best. Vivacious on the page, stubborn, eloquent, working hard at doing what you believe to be right, and utterly convinced that you deserve confidence. YOU DO. You are brilliant.

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  23. You keep at it! Love your stuff.

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  24. You keep at it! I've enjoyed checking out your blog.

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  25. I'm crying because other people have these days too.

    There are so many people committed to really helping in the world. We CAN make a difference. Thank you.

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  26. I love this post. Thanks for fighting. I think I will bookmark this and read it whenever the BULLSHIT of the world gets me down.

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  27. "My grandma is passionate about educating the world about how bad red Gatorade is for you.
    Now that's a worthy cause. (I lost it at that part. Lol)
    Love you Jes, keep fighting.

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  28. Bless you for fighting for what you believe is right! I belong to Veterans For Peace and we "fight" on many fronts, some of which are not popular today in some circles. But someone has to speak out. When I get down about it, I listen to Pink Floyd's "On the Turning Away". It gives me that boost I need to go forward!

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  29. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKjJsM5AuIs

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