A LETTER TO 16 YEAR OLD ME EXACTLY 10 YEARS LATE

Written on July 7, 2012
Sent to July 7, 2002

Dear (almost) 16 year old me,

Hey you, it's me, You. I know this is a pretty weird letter to get, but if we're going to be honest it's a pretty weird letter to write. Happy early birthday btw (in the future that means by the way)... 16 is cool. You just graduated high school and now you're an overachieving big kid going to college! PLUS now you can hang out with both types of gendered friends and call it a group date! You should know that you develop a highly cynical sense of humor within the next decade and it's not a bad thing. Also, you still talk too much. That never changes.

If you were to be introduced to me today, you might recoil in disgust and/or, feel sorry for me. It's okay... I'll just find it funny and hug you anyways. You're pretty cute for a 16 year old. It's hard to believe, but you'll evolve into a heavily tattooed, purple haired, artistic, fat, spunky, sarcastic, and intelligent Behavioral Health Professional. A Behavioral Health Professional is someone who works on "whole life healing" with people and you also work with neurological deficiencies. That means brain diseases. It is a far cry from Dental Hygienist and Interior Designer and it sure as hell doesn't pay as much.  Well, not yet anyways. You're going to find out that money is not as important as you thought and that contributing to the world is much more fulfilling. You are totally rolling your eyes right now. Stop it, I'm being serious. Also, hell is not a bad word. Stop trying to find creative ways to spell and say it. Just say it.

I'm going to just lay this really hard one out there: everything you have learned in your life so far is wrong. I'm sorry. The journey to discovering this is going to be brutally painful, long, and trying. I know you'll stick it out, just know that it really worth it. All of the fucked up shit that is going to happen will ultimately make you an electric and positive force in the world. I'm not going to go into the details about the whole religion thing... you won't be able to hear it, but know this: flexibility, introspection, self love, critical thinking and hope are the secrets in life. Did you write that down? It took us 25 years to figure that out, so don't forget it OKAY?

Oh, and another thing: you have a brain disease. All that shit they said was just "teenage hormones" was actually a hereditary sensitive predisposition to mental yuckiness. Combine that with an emotionally abusive father, oppressive religious construct and your internal rebellious nature and you've got yourself a bona fide brain disease. You will lose friends, jobs, relationships, and self esteem until you figure out that there is a biological imbalance. Go easy on yourself, it's not even remotely your fault. If anything it qualifies you to help other people better their life in your future. It's worth it. The fact is, it's not a weakness. The fact that I am alive, happy, healthy, kicking ass and taking names means that we are STRONG. We are SO strong that we beat the odds and found the motherfucking pot of gold. Btw, motherfucking isn't a bad word either. It's just a word.

Also, once you've watched Run Lola Run, just stop watching movies. No movie will ever blow your mind like that one so it's probably a good idea to quit while you're ahead.

I know exactly what topic you are just wishing I would get to already. Yes, you find a boyfriend. I know right? They never thought it would happen. You go through a lot of really awful relationship stuff (learn all you can while there) but you do end up with a soul mate. He loves you more than life itself and you guys move into a cute bungalow and have three cats (don't tell Mom) and talk about everything together because you're best friends. He's funny, handsome, and really smart. Its not perfect though. Life isn't perfect. You wont really internalize this for another 8 years, but once you do it will be liberating. Also, remember when Aunt Eileen told you to have sex with as many people as possible before settling down and you thought she was a heathen? Turns out she was right. Follow that advice.

Mom is the smartest and most amazing person in the universe. I'm fucking serious. She will save your life more than once and will also be your greatest friend. Love her with all your might. Life isn't long enough to tell her how lucky you are to have her. This is making me cry so just love her already.

Y'know that movie The Matrix? It's pretty dumb, and you'll never finish it but try and remember the point: reality is relative. You grew up in a culture that says that men are way awesome and women are just okay. This is bullshit. Read a lot of real history books (can you believe the books in school are more or less fabricated?!?! Can you believe that? I'm still working on understanding the implications...) and do a lot of soul searching. Your gut is right, and will always be right. Follow your inner voice, it's ALWAYS spot on. You are going to find a lot of really smart and amazing people when you're 20+. They get it, and you get them. We're really lucky in that regard.

You wonder about a lot about stuff. That's really good. Keep doing that, because that is what I really like about us and it is ultimately what gets us out of here alive. Just make sure to let go once in a while and enjoy the quiet. Quiet is nice too. 

Harry Potter is not the devil, opposites DO attract (just make sure your core beliefs are similar), Martha Stewart goes to jail, enjoy Sesame Street while it's still awesome, don't throw away that journal...I'm still pissed about it, family is the most important thing, don't shave your arms, do shave your legs, you'll learn how to use makeup properly don't worry, 21 is NOT too old to get married (neither is 31), don't tolerate mean people, develop empathy- it's the greatest weapon, be proud about loving NSYNC already!, befriend Kevin even though he'll be having a hard time (it will change your life), love the little things, "immodesty" is a power control tool created by men, shame is not even slightly useful, remember giga pets?!?,  liking cool music does not make you cool, become an opportunist, don't fake orgasms- it builds a precedence, Ashley is forever, build more bridges than you burn, and laugh at stupid people instead of hate them.

I tell you all of this, but none of it matters. I wouldn't change a thing about anything we've done so far... even the dumb stuff. What we did up until 16, and what you do until 26 ultimately created who I am/ we are today... and WE ARE AWESOME.  We make the best out of bad situations, we stumble/fall/cry/laugh/get up and do it all over again. We are fucking RESILIENT. People may pick on you now, but people love you so very much when you reach my age. You change peoples lives, Self. You empower, educate, open up, clear the air, live, breathe, create... and it's only the beginning. You are perfect Jes with one s and you are so beautiful. If anything, I wish you knew this earlier. You are phenomenal and when people tell you that, believe them to the best of your ablity. Just try. I love you, and think that you're a trooper. You make me proud already and someday you'll grow up and be awesome just like me. Wanh wanh. Jk. But actually... not really.

Sappy mushy sloppy love,
Jes still with one s

P.S. JK means just kidding FYI. Ugh.  Figure that one out on your own.

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Thank you Sierra for the inspiration. I wasn't expecting to laugh, much less sob and I did a lot of both. It was truly cathartic. I hope everyone writes one of these... it's an experience in and of itself. If you write one and want to share, I would love to learn what your 16 year old self should know. Link me.
<3


32 comments

  1. I feel like our 16-year-old selves would be friends! Which means they would both hate me, but that's okay, too. Haha.

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    1. My 16 year old self would probably try and save both of us. :)

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    2. Oh, my god. What if they teamed up and had big prayer meetings and tried to get us slain in the spirit or something? I need a TARDIS.

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  2. Aaw this is such a great letter! It's great to get to understand a bit more of your background. I've often thought about what I would put in the letter to my 16 year old self but never actually written it down. I was seriously messed up at that age haha!

    This is the best bit of the whole letter: "Also, remember when Aunt Eileen told you to have sex with as many people as possible before settling down and you thought she was a heathen? Turns out she was right. Follow that advice." Oh my God, that's amazing! I actually said that to my friend's daughter yesterday!

    Becky
    xx

    http://www.beckybedbug.com

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    1. You should write that letter!!! I had no idea how difficult/powerful it would be:)

      Aunt Eileen had no idea how much of a genius she was! I just saw her a few weeks ago for the first time in years... I should have thanked her:)

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  3. Reading this made laugh, cry and smile. It really touched me. Man how I love to go back in time and tell the 19 me, that it all "clicks" at 30. Being your true self is the most powerful weapon in life.
    Thank you Jes.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I always wonder if things that are powerful for me translate for other people... If you end up writing to your 19 year old self, let me know. I'd love to read it:)

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  4. Oh Jes, you are a motherfucking pot of gold. I was tearing up and laughing so much. And I totally agree with Becky, your Aunt Eileen is a freakin' hoot!

    And you graduated from high school when you were 16? Props to you girl! I was a lazy high schooler =P

    Once again, you are so damn amazinng. Thanks for being awesome.

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    1. Cassie, the compliments will never get old. Thank you. It's seriously shocking how different I have become in the last ten (and really, 3) years. I'm a fucking survivor!!! If you write to You, you can share it with me if you want...

      xoxoxo:)

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    2. What's sad is that I wouldn't even know what to say. I feel that my 16 year old self would tell my current self that I'm wrong and keep doing what I was doing.

      That's really how I was, but hell my stubbornness got me this far, haha. =D

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  5. i fucking love this. i am still crying. you are the bomb! (a compliment that 16 year old you might actually get)

    Love forever.
    tucson date on the 29th? yes please.
    xoxo
    Breyell

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    1. I was trying to figure out why I cried when I wrote this... I was so caught off guard by it. I just figured it out.

      This letter allowed me to team up with myself. To be on the same side, to stop fighting our differences and revel in the similarities. It was like forgiving an old friend and then the world comes full circle.

      I'm still really weirded out by how powerful writing this was.
      Kinda freaky.

      Cant wait to see you.

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  6. i honestly don't know if i have it in me to do this for myself let alone share it with the whole world wide web. maybe one day i will. but for now, i'll just go on about how strong and amazing you are for sharing this!

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  7. Wow this is awesomely inspiring! The real question is would you really want your 16 year old self reading this and thus creating a whole new reality for yourself? (dum dum dummmmmm). By the last paragraph, I'm guessing not. That's the main reason I enjoy blogging, I looked back to just a few months ago and couldn't believe I was in such a panic about a test. Really puts your life in perspective! Your 16 year old self is slightly reminiscent of me own ;)

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  8. How cool that this letter to your 16 year old self made me feel like I just got to know your now self way better! Love you voice in this post, thanks so much for writing.

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    1. PS- You inspired me to write my own! http://wellandcheaply.blogspot.com/2012/07/letter-to-16-year-old-me.html And thanks for the link to Sierra's blog, can't wait to start following her too!

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  9. This almost had me in tears. SO GOOD. You are my absolute favorite human being.

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  10. I loved this. I am so glad you emailed me so that I can ruthlessly stalk your blog.

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  11. What a fab post- made me laugh, think and get teary all at the same time! Thanks for sharing!
    Lianne :-)

    rubyrubyslippers.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm glad it had the same effect on you as it had on me:)

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  12. That was awesome! It was such an inspirational post. I laughed, I cried. I really cried about the part about loving mom. I lost my mom in January and it just really hit home. Thank you for sharing it with us!

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  13. https://www.facebook.com/notes/kata-katherine-de-sousa/letter-to-my-16-year-old-self/516363348423592

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  14. Jes - I was just introduced to your blog this weekend and have *LOVED* reading your entries and getting to know you. This article (ok ALL of your articles) spoke to me and moved me to tears. As many have said, I have often wondered what I would tell my 16 year old self. To date, I haven't really felt the need to change anything ... but it has gotten me thinking. I'm in the midst of a HUGE life change right now, so perhaps in another year, I'll have a better perspective to right to my younger me. In the mean time - YOU ROCK! And I look forward to reading more! I have recently started blogging about my life change, if you are at all interested: journeynotdone.blogspot.com

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  15. What an awesome, inspiring bit of writing. I shared this with my two step daughters and my wife. Thank you for sharing Jes, wish I'd have found your blog sooner! :)

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  16. Just wanted to thank you for sharing Jes! I send the article to my wife and two step daughters to read. I wish I'd found your blog earlier, I'm really enjoying everything I've read so far. :)

    (hopefully not a double post, my previous post didn't appear to go through.)

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  17. Jes, your 16 year old self sounds just like MY 16 year old self...were you by any chance raised Baptist? I was o_o.

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  18. Thank you so much for your post!
    You have inspired me to write a letter - not to my past self, but to my future. I'm only 21; I'm not sure I've got enough of a handle on life yet. But I've written with the hope of having it once I get to your level of wisdom and beauty. :) It's given me hope and purpose. Thank you.

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  19. I think you are fantasic and I am just on the second post. I bet I will be up all night getting to know you ! Thank you SO much!

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