More often than not, these tops are ordered late at night- when I'm in bed, exhausted and scrolling through clothing sites when I should be hiding my credit card and sleeping. Occasionally I'll run across a OMG I MUST HAVE THIS item, order it and then promptly fall asleep... completely forgetting about my purchase until it shows up on my porch. It feels a little like I'm throwing myself surprise birthday party all the time and I have yet to regret this.
My recent favorites include this "Go Climb a Cactus" gem, my new cardio shirt and of course the amazing "I Did My Best" number shown above. Though strangely enough, this last particular buy was on purpose.
I was recently texting with my best friend of 12 years. She was weepy (and legitimately so) over how difficult it is to raise three kids, keep them alive, give them a good life, support her husband, work an exhausting full time job AND try to be a Pinterest mom on top of it all.
Our conversation was long AF but sometimes real talk takes a little bit of explaining, y'know?
The texts went something like this (alternative option: you can also skip the texts and scroll down for the outfit details- I'm not the boss of you ❤️):
Mildly related: I'm living for fat Bitmojis right now.
So... maybe I ruined her life a little (an additional apology to anyone else who wants to believe that Hogwarts is a real place- I get it), but sometimes there's no other option but to tell the truth.
And the reality is that when we're doing our best... it's enough.
After saying goodnight, I followed my nightly routine and hopped on the internet to find her the perfect shirt as a reminder that she is, in fact, doing enough.
And then I ordered one for myself. Obviously.
Outfit details:
(I'm wearing a women's XL as a 20/22 and its TIGHT.
If you need something larger try the men's sizing!
ALSO: Smart Glamour makes "customizable" EVERYTHING in EVERY size!
ALSO ALSO: A reader named Kelly mentioned that she sometimes orders large shirts from places like Torrid and then sends them to a screen printer which is brilliant!)
(MY FAV. I don't fit into Forever 21's shorts that come in specific sizing - 18, 20, 22 etc-
but when they come with stretch and 1x, 2x and 3x the largest size fits. Alt option with more sizes.)
(These are $6 at Walmart- my dog likes to chew them so inexpensive is a good thing- unfortunately they're not online but I linked a similar pair that are only $13. Ballet flats are my go-to.)
(I also have them in clear and LOVE THEM SO HARD!)
Side note: you might notice that I have some scarring on my legs- I wrote a little about working towards accepting them here.
Bonus life suggestion: fuck flattering. Its a good one, so say it with me! FUCK. FLATTERING.
So here's my suggestion for Ashley and all of us: don't strive for perfection. It doesn't exist.
Years ago, I was enrolled in a mental health institute and the facilitators shared a motto that has continued to stay with me:
Practice makes progress, not perfection.
Let's listen to them.
They're really smart.
(My above the knee tattoos are probably the best decision I've ever made- followed closely by deciding that three cats is a great idea- and they constantly remind me to live life my way. The tattoos do, I mean. Not the cats. "MY LIFE MY RULES" forever!)
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I do my best to never expect perfection from anyone. Humans will always be very human-y and this means that we're going to make mistakes left, right and upside down. Trust me on this- it's something I succeed at every day. What I do believe in is:
- Acknowledging when we fuck up
- Doing everything we can to rectify the situation
- Learning from the blunder and then
- Doing better next time
There's truth in the concept that it's impossible to please everyone... trust me, I'VE TRIED IT. And it doesn't work. However, when we're being told by marginalized groups that we're causing harm and we want to make the world a better place? Well folx, that's when gotta listen up and follow something similar to those four instructions above.
I look back at older posts I've written and cringe. I knew so little (and still have SO much to learn, omg) but when I compare and contrast those blogs to my current ones? I can see the progress. This causes a few happy feels and I am infinitely grateful for all of the people in my life who have called me in (and out), showed me my shortcomings, suggested better ways to navigate conversations and inspired me to continually do better.
Sometimes when you work online and get criticism from all sides though, it's hard to know what feedback to listen to. Luckily for you, Ann Friedman created a simple illustration to assist with this.
In summary?
Do the best you can do and keep working on doing better... forever.
CHEERING YOU ON AS WE ALL CONTINUE TO LEARN!
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