Nothing bums me out faster when I’m about to eat some food
than someone commenting about food. Like this, “Oh I’m being SO BAD! I NEVER
eat cupcakes!” Or “I really SHOULDN’T EAT THIS!” Or “I wish I could eat THAT
but it would make me SO FAT!” Or “You’re lucky you can eat whatever you WANT I
will blow up like a BALOON!!!”
If you want to watch a hilarious send up of this
phenomenon check
out this Amy Schumer skit. Where everything they eat is the bad thing, not
killing a gerbil for fun.
Listen, I get it. We live in a fatphobic society where all
bodies are vilified. Either you’re fat or you COULD get fat. Living in fear of
being fat in a fatphobic society brings out the worst in people. Food is super
threatening and triggering of all of those perpetuated fears. We have this
contradictory culture in America where we hate on fat bodies yet have all this
food that is normalized in the American diet that actually can cause weight
gain. Where commercials on TV cycle between McDonalds and Coca-Cola and Weight
Watchers and Jenny Craig. What a mind fuck.
Words are SO powerful. When you speak something again and
again to yourself or out loud, you are creating truth. I learned early on in my
journey to love myself that language was one of the first things to change in
order to shift your consciousness. When people shit talk food and bodies, it
erodes self-confidence, body love and food enjoyment.
I think the best thing we can do, as fat folks and folks
working in solidarity with us, is to refuse to participate in the system of
body currency perpetuated by society. A system of body currency, where certain
bodies are privileged over other bodies, creates competition, body hatred,
feelings of never being enough, endless fear about body change. Body currency
doesn’t just affect fat folks, it affects folks with any non-normative
body–people of color, older people (we are literally all aging), disabled folks
(we are literally all only temporarily able bodied), trans* folks, etc… I
learned about body currency from the brilliant Jes Baker of The Militant
Baker. Her analysis of why people hate Tess (Munster) Holliday and
other fat happy people is totally spot on.
Celebrating a wedding with fancy friends with all different
genders and bodies! Photo by Emily Huber of Seeing Through
the Hands massage, a favorite body positive massage therapist here in
Brooklyn.
Checking out of a system of body currency means assigning no
hierarchical value to your body and no hierarchical value to other
bodies. It means you love your body AND you leave lots of space for loving
all the other kinds of bodies out there.
So you’re sitting around the lunch room at work, out to
dinner with friends, at a BBQ at your parents’ house and suddenly everyone is
talking about their food being SO BAD, or “I was SO GOOD, I only had three
pieces of turkey bacon.” I mean. How alienating. All these people are doing is
making food the enemy and turning the top soil of body hatred.
Body hatred for the fat people around them who just sit
silently and assume everyone in the room is judging their bodies. Body hatred
for the little kids around them are absorbing all of that food shame and body
hatred like SPONGES. Body hatred for the people around them who are just trying
to enjoy their burgers and don’t want to think about anything but their food
enjoyment.
So what do you do when you’re surrounded by the I’M SO BADs
of the world?
Me and one of my favorite fat folks with whom to enjoy food,
Devon Devine of the SF party Hard French.
When I’m in situations like that with people judging food I
have a variety of responses. I’m pretty secure in my body and have a pretty
deep analysis of the fatphobia in our culture so I’m fairly resilient to the
commentary. I’m also a fat person whose reputation and activism often precedes
her so I feel confident piping up with something educational in the moment.
Here are some scripts that I employ:
“Hey, I try to be neutral about food because I think all
bodies are good bodies.”
“Hey I’m worried about commenting about the value of food
and body insecurity in front of these little ears nearby. I’d love to help them
love bodies of all sizes so they don’t end up with food or body issues.”
“Cultivating a culture of food enjoyment is really important
to me. I would love to enjoy this delicious food instead of assigning value to
it!”
Jack Dawson wearing a gorgeous outfit. I freaking love the
pop of color on the sunglasses and the tie pattern over the shirt and the
pocket square. Killing it.
My friend Jack Dawson sent a dispatch from their fatphobic
corporate office life that I LOVE. “My female coworkers regularly express their
appreciation for me because ‘Jack is SO nice, Jack never judges what I eat,
even when I’m sooo unhealthy!’ Pretty much every day at lunch time I find
myself saying some version of ‘I actually think that everyone is the boss of
their own body and I support people in making whatever choices they want with
their bodies, so it’s great that you’re eating what feels good for you today!’
In response to some kind of ‘Don’t judge me!’ or ‘I’m so bad!’ comment from
coworkers.”
Being an ally to fat folks is especially important when you
are a person of thin privilege. People get especially fatphobic around folks
who they don’t perceive as marginalized in that way. My bestie Rachael calls it
being a secret agent on behalf of fat folks, so when people hear you speaking
truth to the all bodies are worthy of love exactly as they are party line, they
are taken by surprise and also sinks in a little better.
This photo was of the time I introduced my friend Leo to
Jack Dawson, who we started calling “New Leo” because they both resemble a
young Leonardo DiCaprio and also Leo moved away. Photo by my health coach Vic.
If you want to go a little deeper than these scripts, try to
create a lifestyle where you are actually neutral about food! I find this a
wonderful daily challenge as a person who is fat and proud, who knows what
kinds of food I am sensitive to and the effect they have on my body. (I have a chronic digestive
disease that is wildly affected by the food I eat.) In my internal monologue, I
could say, “I’m being so bad I’m eating this gluteny piece of wedding cake!”
But instead I just think to myself, “I am making a choice about participating
in the food-centered nature of this celebration and I accept the physical
consequences that will surely develop tomorrow. I’ll take a probiotic about it
and I will make different choices tomorrow.” Sometimes replacing an internal
monologue with something very long that actually explains your feelings and
what is happening in a neutral way is really effective in changing the way you
think.
I work with my partner on this all the time, too. She is on
a super low sugar anti-cancer diet after her
experience with breast cancer. (We intend her to be “one and done” with
cancer, so we’re employing lots of holistic ways in which we can keep her
cancer free.)
In addition to this low-sugar lifestyle, she is an external processor so listening to her process externally about her food gives me the opportunity to support her with reframing her language to be food neutral. It’s
also important to me, as a fat person, who is dating a perosn with thin privilege,
that she knows her privilege and works with me 100% of the time on team
Stepping out of Body Currency. I’ve dated people who were not 100% body
positive and it was really shitty.
I
love Dara a lot, she is super supportive and open to new ways of speaking and
being in the world. I feel so grateful to have such a wonderful partner in
adventure.
In the words of Nicki Minaj “Life is a journey, I just want
to enjoy the ride.” I can’t enjoy my food around folks who are shit talking
food. So I do my best to create environments where food enjoyment is valued and
food is value-neutral. I invite you to join me, life is much more fun this
way!!
No comments