I've mostly fallen out of love with Netflix and head over heels with Amazon Prime. If that means we can't be friends anymore, I understand.
It's just that, well, Netflix lost it's game somewhere along the way. So much so that I started to love the thrill of cursing out Prime for making me pay extra for something I've already purchased more than aimlessly flipping through monotonous BBC dramas I've never heard of. Netflix bored me in bed after a while guys. It's just a fact.
HOWEVER because the internet here at Arcadia is slower than dial-up, it forced me to revisit the only streaming website that works (because how do you fall asleep without movies?): good ol' Netflix. Imagine my delight when I realized HOW MANY BAD ASS BITCHES YOU CAN WATCH RIGHT NOW. Like right now. Zero extra charges.
Here are my top 12 women ready to stream that you shouldn't wait to watch:
#1.) Kathi in The Hairdresser/Die Friseuse: The best body positive movie I've seen... maybe, ever? It's definitely the only one I've seen where a fat body doesn't exist simply to for a joke's sake and that's pretty revolutionary all on it's own. Thank you Germany for making this gem.
Fat girl Kathi wants to open up her own salon after being dumped by her husband, dealing with physical ailments and poverty. Nothing stops this bad ass bitch. NOTHING.
#2.) Kimmy Schmidt: As with all shows aimed at critical thinking white feminists, Kimmy Schmidt has a lot of dialogue happening around it in regards to how it further progresses/halts social issues- which is fair. But cultural criticism aside, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is the shit. It's like Elf but with a woman who trumps the shittiest life situations with charming awkwardness and an infectious smile. I loved every minute.
It's always Kimmy Time.
#3.) Kristy from The Baby-Sitters Club: We all had our favorite BSC girl. When I was allowed to read them (Mom told me at the time that the series was literary juvenile smut. I told this to the school librarian and she wasn't impressed) in 5th grade, I was always drawn to Kristy. This show is probably better when you're stoned, but before lighting up- read about the most awkward show moments so you know what to watch for.
The ability to stream this has pretty much repaired Netflix and I's relationship on it's own.
#4.) Miss Piggy in Muppets Take Manhattan: 1984 was a really good year for Miss Piggy. Watch that year now. You'll thank me later.
#5.) Tank Girl: The ultimate Bad Ass Bitch. No it's not Lara Croft. No it's not Hermione. It's motherfucking Tank Girl. If you haven't watched this cult classic, do yourself a favor- click out of this stupid post and watch it now.
#6.) Danielle from Ever After: The resilient woman's movie. Not only do I love the ballsy Danielle but (even as a young body loathing girl) I ALWAYS loved the line where chubby Jaqueline looks her mother in the eye and says "I'm only here for the food." SNAP.
I miss Drew Barrymore.
#7.) The ladies from Advanced Style: "Personal style and a vital spirit guides the lives of seven New Yorkers as they age." I didn't choose one woman because I love them ALL. ALL SEVEN GODDAMN GORGEOUS GODDESSES.
#8.) Frida: As evidenced by a giant tattoo of her face on my right arm, I personally think Frida Kahlo was a magnificent human, artist, and warrior. I would watch this 10 more times.
#9.) Carol from In a world: In a world where men rule the voice-over careers, bitchin' Carol refuses to let her dick father tell her she's not good enough and goes for the jobs anyways. It's the quintessential quirky indie chick movie and I love it.
#10.) Xena Warrior Princess: Hilariously bad. I mean, good? I don't know... I just know it's Xena and whenever you have a chance to watch 5 seasons of Xena you should watch 5 seasons of Xena.
The end.
#11.) Amelie: This will always be the movie that changed everything for me. Back in 2005, a friend pulled up the TV in my Mormon college dorms and we watched Amelie together. I was scandalized in the best way. Thanks Hilary. You redefined strong female leads for me.
#12.) Connie Baker in Mona Lisa Smile: I've seen this movie- maybe a dozen times. Which, for someone who rarely re-watches anything... is a big deal. Julia Robert's steals my heart as a liberal art history teacher at a conservative women's college. Maggie Gyllenhaal kills me with her wonderfully flagrant and unapologetic promiscuity. But it's Ginnifer Goodwin's (comparatively) fat girl character Connie that wins this fucking movie for me every time. Every goddamn time.
There are of course, many many MANY other kick ass girl films on Netflix if you desire: Francis Ha, Girl Rising, Mean Girls, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Hunger Games, Don't Trust the Bitch in Apartment 13, Scandal, Funny Face, ...holy fuck this could go on forever.
Huh. Maybe Netflix doesn't suck so bad after all.
What are you currently watching that you'd recommend while I'm here without my beloved Prime? Any thumbs up on the ones listed above? What's good on Netflix, y'all?
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