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Saturday, May 25, 2013

HOW TO GET A SEXY SWIMSUIT BODY IN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES!


How To Get a Sexy Swimsuit Body In Less Than 5 Minutes:

0:01: retrieve preferred swimsuit
0:02: put on said swimsuit
0:03: look in mirror
0:04: exclaim "HOT DAMN I am one sexy bitch!"

Optional: strut like you just don't care.


 No really. It works. Try it.

Today we stayed at The Golden Nugget surrounded by hundreds of tattooed punk rockers that were visiting for some sort of bad ass bowling convention. I was asked if I was there for the event, and I took it as a complement. I must look like a kick ass broad.

We chose this hotel to check a goal off my list of "2013 Adventures". I mentioned here that I have a paralyzing fear of sharks and because I'm not ready for a shark cage, a reader suggested this pool. Below is my genuine reaction in which I apparently clinch my fists for safety and make ridiculous faces. Guys, that shark had a shit ton of teeth.


The pool also had an enclosed water slide that goes through the tank, and while I was waiting to go down the 8 year old in line tried to convince me they also had a great white. How DID HE KNOW what would cause a meltdown? But it's obvious that I made it out alive, so that's cool. Check, and done.

And because I know you're going to ask, the swimsuit is from Walmart. Though my ethical soul wants to shun them, my fashionable fat chick tends to have the last word. Its amazingly hard to find boob supporting suits in Tucson stores. I also have a bikini, but that's for another post and I'll be sure to share some online favorites as well.

Off to answer emails! Opportunities await.
What shop carries your favorite suits? Do share!

76 comments:

  1. I love this suit, but I was shocked-as-hell that the suit came from Wal-Mart. I want to shun them too, for ethical reasons, but the truth of the matter is I think their plus-size clothing looks frumpy and that is what keeps me away. So it's a good surprise that this suit is from Wal-Mart, but no surprise at all that you look hot in it!

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  2. I love love love your swimsuit! Wish that places in NZ stocked swimsuits this pretty and flattering - fat girl swimsuit options here are mostly hideous prints/unsupportive/have weird ruffles.

    Also, LOVE the location. Never would have guessed that somewhere like this existed! You look super badass, surrounded by sea creatures

    xM

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    Replies
    1. Have you been to City Chic? They have some awesome swim suits

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    2. Have you been to City Chic? I know they aren't in every town/city but well worth the shop. they also have online.

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  3. Damn you're a foxy lady Jes! And I kind of love the suit as well, even if it is from the pit of hell.

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  4. Punk Rock Bowling! It's a punk music festival and bowling competition!

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  5. That swimsuit is awesome! I love the photos of you reacting to the shark. This post has inspired me to try facing my fear (like you faced your shark fear) and wear a suit this summer.

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  6. I haven't owned or worn a swimsuit in well over 10 years. Seeing this post just might give me the confidence to do it this year. =) I'm going to try looking at my favorite stores, Avenue and Roamans, for one this season.

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  7. I just bought this swimsuit two days ago. I purchased one from Khols but as soon as I got home I regretted the decision. I was randomly at Wal-mart and in a spur of the moment decision tried on this one and the same in pink. I loved it instantly and it made me feel super confident. I bought both of them and returned the mediocre one at once!

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  8. You look great in your suit! Good for you for getting that close to a shark!!

    I just read of a site that sells suits from size 10-24. I think the name of it was swimsuitsforall.com ???? I saw a couple of their styles and they were way cute!!

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  9. I just bought this suit two days ago. I had purchased one from Khols that I wasn't 100% in love with but I needed a new one so I bought it. Then on a random trip to Walmart on a spur of the moment decision I tried this one on. I instantly loved it and loved how confident I felt in it. I bought 2 of the same swimsuit, the polka dot one and the pink one and returned the iffy Khols one at once!

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  10. yes! i'm liking your steps to a kick arse bikini bod... now... if only cosmo or one of those other generic magazines cos follow suit. xox

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  11. I've just ordered a red gingham bikini from SimplyBe. (Was gonna go navy with white dots, but they were out of bottoms my size. :P) We'll see how that goes....

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  12. You look absolutely gorgeous in that lovely swimsuit

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  13. I'm suppose to buy a swimsuit next week. I've been putting it off because the whole idea terrifies me. But I think I can I think I can I think I can....no wait...I know I can I know I can I know I can. I WILL face my fear. Thanks for the shot of much needed courage!

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  14. Gorgeous! You absolute babe! xx

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  15. Hi Jes, your reactions are so cute! :D
    And I love your swimsuit... I wish I could find a similar one in Sweden but I doubt it (I usually wear a t-shirt to the beach...) :c
    Oh and I just want to say that you're one of the most inspirational people/blogs I follow, I love you! You are awesome.
    Have a nice Sunday~

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  16. Great suit, love that you got it at Walmart. I got a simular style at the below link. Great quality and support and a good amount of fabrics to choose from.

    http://www.esther-williams.com/

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  17. I saw that same swimsuit this weekend, and was thinking about it for myself! (But my daughter convinced me to get another one.) You look totally hot in it, and I love that you matched the hairstyle to complete the vintage look.
    My larger body has worked as a swim instructor and water fitness instructor, so I got over the whole swimsuit issue years ago.. because I needed one to do the work I love, and it had to be one I could move a lot in. (And I second another reader's suggestion for SwimsuitsForAll.com, their selection is FABULOUS, just a little more expensive.)

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  18. I almost got that same swimsuit for myself! You look totally hot in it, and I love how you matched your hairstyle to complete the vintage look.
    I got over the whole swimsuit issue years ago: my larger body used to teach swim lessons and water fitness classes, so I needed swimsuits to do the work I love, and it had to be just as functional as good looking. And none of my students really seemed to care; in fact, I think that some of my adult students appreciated that I looked like them! (I also second another's suggestion of SwimsuitsForAll.com, their selection is FABULOUS, if just a bit more expensive than Walmart.)

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  19. FANTASTIC suit!! Old Navy has some good separates also ... and (some of them) support the ladies pretty well!! This pool is EPIC!! <3 U!

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  20. LOVE LOVE LOVE this suit. You wear vintage styles VERY WELL!! :) Old Navy has some nice things that support the ladies, but you have to order plus sizes online. (Don't get me started about that.) Also, if you're looking online. Onestopplus has a TON of styles... I live in South Florida, so it is essential that I have a few to pick from. I'm also not above thrifting for swimmies! :) <3

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  21. FUCK YOU ARE ONE SEXY BEAST!!!!

    Becky
    xx

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  22. That was me who suggested The Golden Nugget! So glad you could make it. Love the pics. I'm in desperate need of a new swim suit. Maybe I'll give Walmart a try.

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  23. LOVE IT! And what a cool pool for a photo shoot! I'm still afraid to be seen in a bathing suit. I really really admire your no-cares attitude.

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  24. Jes, that swimsuit is so cute! You look really retro glam- Vegas makes a perfect backdrop. Hope you get a little more sleep on this whirlwind trip. So happy to see your awesome success!

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  25. This is the best :) You are such a babe! I love your suit, I have one similar to it and I'm so excited to wear it this summer!

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  26. Love Love Love your site!!! We were in Jamacia the last part of April and I wore my BYB (BackYard Bikini) the whole time I was there and I felt GREAT!!

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  27. I adore that suit! I suppose I should start giving Walmart a time in terms of their clothing section. Although, Old Navy is where I bought my last two.

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  28. Hot Damn! I didn't read through all the comments first, but I recommend Modcloth. They have vintage looking suits in so many sizes. The one I ordered did have support in the cups. Good luck! And let me know when you get up to Portland, let's do a shoot! www.jamiecareymulhern.com

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  29. Hot Damn! Try modcloth-they have super cute vintage inspired suits. Great reviews by people who order them. Mine had support in the bra cups. Let me know if you get up to Portland-let's do a shoot! www.jamiecareymulhern.com

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  30. I have a super hard time finding bathing suits in stores because I have DD+ boobs. Getting a one piece is generally okay, but to find bikinis is notably tougher. Thank god for the Internet! Online shops like Figleaves and BareNecessities carry bikini tops that are sized in bra sizes AND are offered in cup sizes over DD.

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  31. The post title made me smile! And the instructions are easy enough to follow! :o)

    I can't believe you actually got to go to the shark pool in Las Vegas! When I read about this place in the comments on the original post, I immediately told my husband about it because I thought it sounded so cool! Well done also for facing your fears.

    P.S.: Great swimsuit, you look smoking!

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  32. My best fitting suit ever came from Walmart. I want to hate myself for it, but it's an adorable suit. It is an adorable bathing suit that you're rocking.

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  33. Love this! I'm constantly plagued by swim suit season and knowing that I'm smarter than all the bullshit advertisers are shoving down my throat. Next time I'm feeling in funk I'll be sure to repeat the Militant Mantra: Damn I'm a hot bitch! :D

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  34. That really is good advice. Trying to find swimsuits that aren't skimpy sting bikinis is such a bitch. Whenever I strut my stuff, I'm gonna be thanking you! Plus you look damn good in that swimsuit (and I totally get the Walmart thing).

    Sharks are so cool!!! I want to go to that hotel and swim next to some sharks!!! That sounds like so much friggin' fun!!

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  35. Canadian stores which ship to Canada and United States. They often have sales on different items. Addition Elle is more trendy but Penningtons has larger sizes. http://www.1-plus.com/plus-size-swimwear/AE-Apparel-Swimwear,default,sc.html

















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  36. You are absolutely gorgeous! ♡

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  37. Can I just say I love you as a blonde?? Alright, I love you anyway but really dig the hair!

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  38. Love the blonde hair, really smokin' with that swimsuit!

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  39. Oh my gosh! That pool looks amazing! You look great!

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  40. check you out sexy! looking great. can't believe i'm seeing your a & f photos all over the place! :)
    xx

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  41. My best friend and I have that same swimsuit! Only mine's black and hers is red! We adore them!

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  42. Holy damn that is a bitchin pool!! You're lookin' fabulous as always.

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  43. I love reading your blog. Sometimes my confidence is lacking but reading what you have to say totally helps! I saw that pool area from the outside on my trip to Vegas last time. It looks amazing! And as always you look fantastic!

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  44. My heart hurts just to look at the picture with the sharks behind the glass! I anticipate any fucking minute those sharks are going to break that damn glass and devour you. :( not coo, not cool at all. I never even realized I had this fear of sharks until I saw those pictures. I had NO idea they had a enclosed water slide that goes right thru...omg I need a paper bag or something

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  45. You look adorable in that suit! Love it!

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  46. I had to leave a comment to say that you're radiating with confidence! You are gorgeous and empowered! As a young woman who has struggled with body acceptance, yo-yo dieting, and "I can't wear x because it will show my gross y" syndrome, I want to sincerely thank you! I am insecure about wearing a bikini; I have stretch marks and a not-so-tight tummy from my weight rollercoaster. This post has given me courage. I'm going to wear a damn bikini this summer. For me.

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  47. YOU ROCK IT, SISTER!!!!!!! You are FAB! Keep dispensing this great advice so more fabulous women, like us, can get out of their own way! <3

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  48. Whale v/s shark. Whale usually wins!

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  49. Hey, I just saw and article on you from USA Today, via http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/169805/. Personally, if I 20 years younger, I'd be running around trying to get to know. You're really quite beautiful. I prefer women with a real figure, who DON'T starve themselves to fit into our society's sick idea of what a beautiful woman should be...you're beautiful as you want to be.

    Also, added you to my blogroll @ http://thevailspot.blogspot.com

    Good luck on your A & F campaign. I've not shopped there in years, because of company hiring policies, "decor", though most of the clothes they sell are to my relatively conservative tastes in clothing.

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  50. You are just too damn adorable! We should hang out one day!!

    *And you should think about blocking anonymous comments. People are fucking cruel!

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  51. My best friend promised to take me to the Golden Nugget for my birthday because of my love of sharks, actually. I will hold her to it, too. Haha.
    The swimsuit is completely fantastic, and you look amazing! You're making me wish my hair was long enough for a bit of a beehive!
    And those are quite decidedly the Bathing Suit Body rules, and they are my favourite.

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  52. I saw that swimwuit in Walmart and thought it was adorable. Too bad I paid like 5 times as much for a similar suit last year! I am always amazed by how much just being confident makes someone beautiful.

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  53. I wore the same bathing suit, in that same pool, last summer, except I got mine at Forever 21, of all places!

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  54. You look fabulous!! You know I don't quite recall where I got my swimsuit. I **believe** it was Value City, which no longer exists and was similar to Walmart. But you look like you were having a fantastic time. Bravo!

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  55. Ever wonder how to keep your favorite bikini intact? Seems like after every summer your swimsuit looks like it went through one too many surf trips.

    Keep your bikini looking new with Jenna, our Swim Designer’s, personal swimwear care tips!

    “Remember to always hand wash your bikini’s in cold water and lay them flat to dry out of the sunshine.
    This will give you the best longevity in your fits and help the colors stay bright.”

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  56. I love you and your suit. Rock on!

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  57. I love you and your suit. Rock on!

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  58. Good LAWD that's a nice suit!
    Looking hot as always, my dear! <3

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  59. Stylish suit from wallyworld? wth?
    Maybe I need to go look closer at what they have

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  60. I love your suit! I seem to have the best luck on swimsuitsforall.com. They have a huge selection and some really cute ones are usually on sale! That speaks my language!

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  61. I love your suit! I seem to have the best luck on swimsuitsforall.com. They have a huge selection and some really cute ones are usually on sale! That speaks my language!

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  62. Omg, which Walmart in Tucson? I can't find one :(
    - your fellow Tucsonan

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  63. Which Walmart? I'm in Tucson too and can't find any plus size suits :( please help.

    -your fellow Tucsonan

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  64. Girl!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE the retro suit!! And totally did the same thing a few weeks ago-- found a suit I liked and only took one glance in the mirror and was in LOVE with it!! (the one I tried on before it made my boobs look flat!) First time in nearly 40 years I was able to pick a suit out w/out tears or at least loud cursing in the dressing room! AAAHHHMMMAZING what a change in attitude can do for you!!!

    Thank you for helping with that!!!
    Simply~Shonda

    http://simplyshondaslife.blogspot.com/

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  65. I just bought this swimsuit after seeing you wear it! It is SO cute!!
    crazykittylove.wordpress.com

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  66. That event was called Punk Rock Bowling! I love your suit and your hair looks fabulous

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  67. I bought that suit in the cherry pattern because of this post! It's so vintage and Marilynesque. Thanks so much!

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  68. I got that suit in the cherry pattern after seeing it here. It's so awesome and Marilynesque. Thanks so much!

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