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Sunday, April 28, 2013

I WEAR WHAT I WANT: SLEEVELESS


"Because I'm sleeveless. I'm fucking raw. I fucking look just like a fucking god." 
-IHYWYP

I really think that if I forced myself to put a quarter in the swear jar every time I cursed I would have saved enough to fly to Dublin by now.

Not a bad idea...

The lyrics above aren't mine though, they're from a Flagstaff rockstar who's reached cult fan level named "I Hate You When You're Pregnant". You can tell a lot about what to expect from the name. He is definitely not for everyone, but I'm a fan. You can plug your ears and listen to "Sleeveless" here.

Brash music aside, wearing sleeveless tops is nothing new for me. If anything they are a preference since, y'know, I live in the desert. I do remember a time though where my underarm flab was controlling my life... and I know I'm not alone. I totally recall doing the "fat flapping" test where you would judge how much jiggles when you shake your arm. Yay for self cruelty!

The reality is that I was the only one concerned with my arms; everyone else couldn't give a shit (quarter!) less. So, because I've decided that my arms are okay... they are okay.

More than okay, really. "I look good, I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!"




I was reminded what society thinks of going sleeveless when I saw this on the telly:



I see your "Unreasonable Body Shaming" and raise you two "Look How Many Fucks I Don't Give".
More or less, this is what I have to say to that:


Go sleeveless this summer and love your arms just the way they are, will ya?

82 comments:

  1. Lovely! Really love the dress, so pretty! x

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  2. I saw that commercial the other day and I CRINGED! ACK! I wanted to throw my sofa at the tv.

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  3. I just bought my first sleeveless dress yesterday. (Well, the first one I plan to wear without a cardigan.) I'm nervous about it, but you look so gorgeous that I'm a little less afraid!

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  4. Is that a CTR tattoo? I laughed. :)

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  5. Wow. Way to wreck the song Fever, WeightWatchers!

    I never quite got the fat arms shame either. Maybe it's because as compared to other parts of my body my arms just never seemed that fat? Maybe it's just that I've never cared? Or maybe it's just because my reticence to go sleeveless has ALWAYS been connected to the fact that I'm too lazy to shave my pits and that's what people made fun of instead?

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  6. You look awesome in that dress and the colors are beautiful together.
    Keep wearing what you want girl!

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  7. lol, *fistpump* to your CTR tattoo! And I love the dress - looks breezy and fabulous.

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  8. Greetings from Finland! I absolutely love your blog and it's currently my favorite one from all the foreign blogs I read! I'm so excited every time you have a new post out. :)

    You are absolutely gorgeous in these pictures and I'm starting to think that maybe I should have the courage to wear more sleeveless shirts and dresses too. (I've always been so insecure about my arms!)

    PS. The tattoos above your knees are so pretty!!

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  9. Thanks for this, I always have a problem with my arms :(

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  10. Arizona summers are too brutal to let anyone body shame you into covering up more than you need to! Plus you have such awesome tattoos, it would be a shame to hide them when it's warm enough to flaunt them :)

    I'm really, really pale (as in I have to buy the lightest makeup in the store and sometimes it's too dark), and I actually had a guy once yell at me to get some sun while I was doing yardwork in shorts. Well first of all... I was in my yard in shorts. Wasn't I getting some sun? And second of all, I'm not gonna risk skin cancer just to reach some stranger's standards for the color of my legs.

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  11. Gorgeous dress! Also, it would be a shame to cover your arms and obscure the tattoos. You look rockin'!

    P.S.: CTR?

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    1. "Choose the right" it's a mormon saying that pretty much includes getting tattoos as "choosing the wrong" ;)

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  12. That commercial made me so disappointed in Ana Gasteyer! I really admire her as a comic and an actor but the fact that she'll endorse Weight Watchers (she's never even been above average weight!) makes me sad.

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  13. That dress is gorgeous, Jes. You look amazing!

    Becky
    xx

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  14. I love that you went sleeveless because your tattoos are beautiful and should be seen!

    Plus, going sleeveless means no pit stains, and that's always a good day =D

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  15. I love that last picture, you look great! That commercial makes me mad, especially since Anna Gasteyer seemed like a cool lady when she was on SNL. Weight Watchers seems to be brainwashing people.

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  16. Look amazing as usual. The confidence is the best part.
    Isabella
    http://sincerelyisabella.blogspot.com.au/

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  17. I love, love, love your stand mixer tattoo!

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  18. You're fucking gorgeous!! Glad I found your blog!

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  19. I love your blog! You are fantastic and my new inspiration. RAWR!!

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  20. I just found your blog today and can't wait to read more :) I love this dress! Where did you get it from?

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    1. Target! They are always too small on the boobs, but this one was close enough...;)

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  21. How I just found you today is beyond me. I love your blog :) you're awesome

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  22. A photographer posted one of your blogs and that's how I found you. You are fucking awesome! I really dig ya.

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  23. You are beautiful! I am so glad I found this blog, so liberating!

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  24. You are beautiful! So glad I found your blog.

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  25. You're so beautiful.
    And your tattoos are totally kick-ass.

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  26. That dress is beautiful, where did you get it. And what's the point in getting tattoos is you're going to cover them up with sleeves all the time :)

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  27. I think I need to sit down over the next few days and just read all the way through this blog in the hope of getting my own head unsnarled. I'm in a very weird body place and I'm getting sick to death of ending up near tears trying on clothes and feeling so.. disconnected from the body I'm sitting it. Due to a long term severe illness, discovering I have celiac (so forever and ever amen my eating habits had to change) and a few other odds and ends - I have gone from being a 6'2 size 18/20 40HH Amazon who had, finally, gotten incredibly comfortable in her skin and ~liked~ how her body looked despite being incredibly outside of the 'conventional' mold to a still 6'2 but now a size 6/8 34DDD shadow of who I was. Still can't find clothes but now it's even more upsetting. I'm supposedly in the realm of what women 'should' look like and I just... feel like a freak. Still too tall, too busty, too broad of shoulders, too long of arm/leg/everything to fit in what feels like anywhere. Can't shop in the 'big girl' stores that finally got fashionable. Can't shop in the 'normal' stores because while my body has radically changed bone hasn't shifted. I'm back to feeling like an ugly gawky teenager and my doctor says, barring living on junk food and simply sitting on my ass all day, this IS the body I've now got. The Amazon died while I was ill and now I'm just... meh. I loved my old body. My husband loved my old body (he says he loves the new one too, but cuddling is now a lot more awkward and he constantly shifts and tries to get comfortable now that I 'have a boney ass'. And with THAT I'll let you guess how tough other more intimate things are. He's a former powerlifter who while working to get healthier and fitter IS still of a size he can legpress our Jeep and weighs in around 380 himself. We worked great in my old body, but now between losing the weight and still in some ways being frail from being ill... it's a lot harder to be physically together. He is also struggling because while I love him totally and find him incredibly attractive - he's gorgeous. Dark hair, copper colored eyes, broad shoulders, and his hands? Good lord he's fine - he struggles now because I'm so much smaller he thinks I won't find HIM attractive. When really, I'm the one who feels ugly and wonders what he can see in me. So it's adjustments all around). People don't even RECOGNIZE me anymore - 2 years of being gone, sick and stuck in bed and unable to have many visitor, and the shadow that finally crawled out of the dark is something new.

    Something I don't recognize. Something I don't fit in. Not only did I get smaller, I feel like the me that's in there shrank even more and I'm just floating in it. I have to accept the changes, I have to learn to deal with everything being out of step all over again and I hate it. I'm ~this~ close to saying to hell with things and just staying in my house and hiding. Maybe watching other women embrace and love their bodies will get something through my own head. Although at the moment, it just makes me miss the old laughing, loud, Amazonian proud me all the more. The world spun on without me and I'm out of step on every level.

    Here's hoping I can find something in this new creatures body I'm inhabiting that I can connect with one day.

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    1. I've been a big girl all my life. I finally embraced my body--lock, stock, and every fat molecule--years ago. Part of me fears this very attitude I'd have toward myself. I'd no longer be the Me I have grown to love, that others love, if I was a more "conventionally acceptable" size.

      I hope you find the self-acceptance you are looking for. Believe your husband when he says he loves you still. *hugs*

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    2. I'm working on it, truly. But it is very much like what you describe fearing. I was... I was a laughing Amazonian Gypsy. The busty wench in the front of the fire. (I'm a Rennie who has worked as a costumer - just so the odd explanation makes sense and I don't sound like some kind of time traveler!) A DD from 12, then on to a HH, now back down to what feels so odd a 'mere' DDD. Which is so strange to be 'only' that as an adult when I nearly surpassed it by 15. I weirdly always loved my body as it was. It is so... surreal to be in this form. Still too long, still too tall, but now... 'neither fish nor fowl nor good red me is I'. What truly makes it odd is my brain is still wired to perceive myself as I was (I literally had to walk OUT of my pants to realize I had gone from the 18's I was to the size 8's my husband tossed over the dressing room door. Thank the gods I was wear a correspondingly oversized top - because when I stepped on the hem of my pants and... I believe the technical term would be I "shucked myself" and the knickers went with the jeans. A short fitted top - would have meant my immediate immigration from the country! My husband walked me into a clothing store and wouldn't let me leave until I could hand over the old pants to go to goodwill.) but others so don't. I've lost a few social friends from it, like I've broken some unspoken 'big girl' code. Like a traitor to the clan. I've not that Amazon anymore... but I also don't match any other tribe. I'll get back, I'll get it figured out and I'll get the good stuff back one day. I'm blessed - my husband won't let me run too far. He laughs when my head starts to get too crazy and dark and just grabs me all the easier, tosses me over his shoulder and says that at least now I'm far easier to catch when my head starts to run, and to carry when he wants to keep me safe. I'll get there. I have a feeling going through this site is going to be a big step of that, so thank you. More then I think you will ever really know.

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    3. UGH, I wrote a long ass reply and it cut out. It said this in a not-so-nutshell: Thank you for sharing. body dynamics in a relationship make it even harder. I wonder if i'll be as accepting of my body if i lose weight because of healthy living. I have to learn to love myself fat/thin, sharp/grown out hair, lots of limbs/missing limbs, young/really old and THAT is the kind of self love I'm working on. Good luck to both of us? :) xoxo

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    4. Jenna.. my thoughts are with you! I'm 6'1" and have always been "The Amazon". I lost over 230lbs, had a son die at birth, where I gained 80lbs during the pregnancy, and thought I'd never be normal again. I had a tummy tuck and then three months later flipped my car six times and shredded every muscle in my stomach-- I was told no matter how much working out I did, I would need another surgery to removed the excess skin. In 2011, I spent a month in the hospital because I got a lapband and it eroded.. due to the infection that the doctor had never seen before in person or in textbook, I had 80% of my stomach removed, got septic two days later, had a second surgery, my lungs collapsed, and I had a feeding tube for 43 days where I wasn't even allowed an ice cube to put in my mouth.. to this day I vomit on a daily basis, just because I can't eat some things. What for? All because I wanted to be like everyone else. From childhood I have been TORTURED for being too tall, too fat, too loud (where I overcompensate for hating my own skin), too funny, too this and too that. Right now I'm in a relationship and we will get married-- he loves me with all his heart and some days I get out of the shower and he sees me naked and I get that little voice in my head that sceams "cover up FATTIE" or we will see a skinny, good looking babe and that voice comes out again "oh god, why would he want you lardo when he could have her".. these demons we fight may always be with us but there has to be a point in our lives when we say Fuck them (seriously). I don't want to die trying to be what is someone else's "normal".. the "normal" skinny, the "normal" flat stomach. MY NORMAL is a size 12 and if I make a joke about playing peek a boo with the excess fat on my upper arm, Damnit I earned it and if someone thinks it's gross.. ya know what, I wouldn't wish for them to walk a damn SECOND in my shoes because they couldn't handle the load I have to bare. And it's just that. I don't know if you're the praying type or not-- but I pray that you somehow find a peace that you can deal with and a comfort you can embrace.

      ugottahavehart.blogspot.com

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    5. I'm gonna do something possible looked as as incredibly dim - my email address is sjennalutz@gmail.com. Why am I putting it up on a hugely popular and overwhelmingly awesome site? Because I'm in a very strange place and feeling slightly like, somewhere out there, suddenly there IS my tribe, out in the distance and I'm left hoping that, despite likely looking like a nerdy twit, a few awesome souls might wanna talk and NOT muck up Jes's board needlessly because I'm... kinda gobsmacked. Thank you so much all who answered, thanks for not telling me to 'stop whining, you're THIN, isn't that everything' that I've gotten from people. (I view it as a triumphal proof that I'm growing as a human that I did NOT in fact put someone's head into the microwave when they visited and informed me that 'it's not ~FAIR~. You lost all this weight because of this celiac thing. I would give ~anything~ to have that! You are so lucky! Why can't ~I~ get it?' I lost weight because I was so sick I nearly died for several years and now that I'm getting better, I can't eat....well. Much!) Thanks Miz Trouble (who's site I'm off to read in a moment, along with Jamie's and as I plow through this amazing site as well) I'm working on it. And I'm blessed with my partner, I truly know that. Jes - thanks for this site. I said it before and I'll keep saying it. This and a few other things are blowing off the door in my life in a good way. And with all the proof you give in this site, you'll reach your comfortable spot. It's a mind frell to find yourself in a different body, it's tough to believe your partner when they expound on how they love you not the body, the body is just icing on the cake and new things are fun to explore (as my husband keeps saying. If I can just remember and get that drilled in myself it will ease the panic.). The weirdest part of dealing with body changes with a partner for me is rather having my own beliefs for others toss at me to try and accept thing. As a bi gal, I always fell for the person, the personality, the soul. The body? That was just a perk and a playground I loved to explore either direction. Any direction. Nothing like having your own deeds and beliefs and comments toss right back at you! And Jamie... um. If you see this, and don't think it's too strange, drop me a line. Not to bum out the rest of the board but I'll say this. My daughter didn't die, and I found her parents before she got here but ah. Some scary similarities popping up here... and yes. I pray. I pray a lot. Maybe not the 'normal' way. But yes so thank you. And I'm working my way towards that. And last? Seriously. Anyone on this site who reads through this nonsense (mine- Jes? Is awesome. I'm the one babbling on her page) and feels the desire to talk - the email is up there and I'm a good responder to emails. And I'm honestly wanting to be there for people not looking for folks to whinge about my life. Promise.

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    6. Jenna.. I will totally drop you a line! I have been cooking all day for my parents, which wildly is a source of therapy for me-- because I can't eat much.. but I fear that which my fiance just getting home and I'm on the computer and he's doing last night's dishes.. he may disown me!! But keep an eye out. I'm thrilled that you found this site. I must admit that at first.. I didn't know what to think. I honestly thought to myself, do I want to be honest and think, this is FREAKING RAD or do I want to just go along with what everyone else thinks in this crazy, messed up world and ignore it and move along. But after reading so many of these "messages" and being touched more and more I found myself thinking about what I was reading and looking at myself in the mirror-- I've been living with a passion for eight years (since my son passed) of wanting to help others and work in Bereavement Counseling because I'm a firm believer than you can cater to someone's needs so much more if you've walked a mile in their shoes.. well why not now? We should all become a tribe, a sisterhood of sorts-- we have so much to learn from each other.. whether it's a shoulder to cry on or a fire in someone's belly to light. So keep an eye out and I will talk to you soon :)

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  28. I love wearing sleeveless tops in the summer. Thanks for the inspiration to keep doing so without shame!

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  29. Love the dress. I haven't read the blog enough to know if you have a particular photographer but I like the composition and the model!

    I fucking hate people (the news, commercials, etc) that are always trying to get people to lose weight. I know all the facts and I'm guessing everyone does. I'm heavy and I don't feel the need to apologize for it. I'd rather be thinner but I'm an adult and I don't need anyone else's opinion on my diet or exercise. I'm gonna love my body.

    Thanks Jes

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    1. You're sweet, it's just me taking pictures of me:)

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  30. lol the first time I saw that commercial I was like WHAT!?! She was not even FAT! I loathe my arms... but <3 tank tops like no other. Guess I should listen to the husband and stop wearing cardigans in Phoenix lmao

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  31. lol the first time I saw that commercial I was like WHAT!?! She was not even FAT! I loathe my arms... but <3 tank tops like no other. Guess I should listen to the husband and stop wearing cardigans in Phoenix lmao

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  32. Bah what an awful commercial!
    But you make up for it by being so wonderfully, beautifully, rockingly unabashedly you!
    I've noticed myself that since I got my upper arm tattoed last year that I love showing my them off even more--I think it's great how body mod can help us love and appreciate our bodies even more :)

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    1. I started out tattooing places of my body I hated... Starting with myt arms and side and ending with my feet. It worked!!

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  33. That dress is fantastic! And you look fantastic in it.
    Just found your blog when a Facebook friend of mine linked up to another one of your posts and I absolutely love it. You kick ass. :)

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  34. How did I just now find this blog? I don't know, but thank goodness I did. LOVE it. You are gorgeous.

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  35. absolutely gorgeous!

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  36. I love you a lot. I'm ripping off my cardigan this very instant.

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  37. AWESOME BLOG!!!

    I love strapless tops and dresses in the summertime... and flip flops lol. Trying to stay body positive just before summer is a little difficult but definitely doable. Your blog posts will help =). Hope your week is awesome & thanks for creating such a cool site!

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  38. Seems to have gotten really dusty in here all of a sudden. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


    You are amazing in so many ways. Thank you for sharing this. Because of you, at some point this summer, I will make a point of wearing something awesome and sleeveless.

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  39. What a gorgeous dress! I've been wanting some sleeveless dresses but most I've seen have these tiny itty straps and it makes me paranoid LOL

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  40. This made me cry. A lot. And then I went and put on a sleeveless dress. I needed to read this today. I was just lamenting that no one would be able to see the top part of the awesome tattoo I recently got because I NEVER go sleeveless. In reality, more people will be looking at my tattoo than are looking at my arm fat. And also in reality, I shouldn't give a fuck what other people are thinking anyway. Thanks for this, so very much.

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  41. you are so HOT!

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  42. Gotta tell you - I wore a sleeveless top today because of this post, and never thought twice about my arms! Loved my outfit and knew I looked good, and didn't think twice about the arms. Thanks for the permission to show confidence :)

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    1. You always have permission to do whatever you want because you're a grown ass person and you choose. But if you ever forget that... I'll be here:)

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  43. OMG - I just found your blog today and it's so eye-opening!!! Thank you thank you thank you for being completely unapologetic about your body. Your real body. Your body that represents way more women than the airbrushed models and carefully chosen actresses/anchorwomen/etc. we see in the media. Also, you're a Leo, I'm a Leo - Leos are awesome! And now I've stayed up way too late reading too many of your posts, but I know I'll be trying to read all the rest of them this weekend. Rock on!

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  44. I wish I had your courage. I wore a hoodie the other day when it was 80 degrees just to cover up my arms.

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  45. Well I just recently (yesterday) found your blog via some blessed soul who pinned your "what people never tell fat girls"... and well in less than 5min you changed my life! Not that I didnt know all those things, because I did... really... just never took them in... The rest of my day by the way: fucking wonderful!
    My fat-sexy-chick story is a bit unconventional, and I will tell you someday, when I am done reading all of your awesomeness... but then again, who's story is coneventional?! All life stories are unique...

    hmmm...

    sleevless... I have story to tell here... I recently lost alot of weight (no my story isnt about that exactly but I'll get to why I needed to say this)... when I was a good 90pounds heavier than now I frettet about my body, and my upper arms in particular... Untill one very hot summer my best, gay, friend told me to get the fuck over myself and wear sleeveless because no one but ME saw "the ugliness" of my arms. No one ... ever! He was so harsh and it was a real eye opener. I started wearing sleevless stuff, and kept hearing his words everytime I had doubt about that choice... great!
    Then I lost the weight, which was right for me now, and let me tell you, I am still concidered FAT after loosing that many pounds. Always will be chubby, curvy whatever, and I wouldnt want it any other way... But guess what happens when you loose that much weight, what used to filled in and bouncy is now flobby and loose... *giggles* And I once again get angst from seeing my upper arms. More than before! But you have given me new hope.. I will venture back into sleeveless tops this summer, once the sun allows me to! Thank you! Thank you for being so awesome. I will treasure all your sassy writing on any down-in-the-dumps day!!! :D YAY!

    You are a true inspiration! I love you!

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    1. You're an inspiration to everyone as well. Keep showing off what you got. <3

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  46. I began reading your blog through a Pinterest pin to your 'things no one will say to fat girls' post. I'm not what most would consider a 'fat girl', but your blog is so uplifting and energizing to me. While I am not obese, I, like most every girl, have body-confidence issues. What you preach reaches beyond people with more arm jiggle than the 'average' bear. Loving yourself is the most self-actualizing, important, life-changing action. Thank you for helping ALL of us along the way. Don't ever stop helping people in all the ways that you do. You're so blessed/lucky to have found (and love) your calling. Stay beautiful! We all know you will :-) xoxo

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  47. How did I not find you before today? How?

    Woman, if I had to live my life over again (at 43 those thoughts are starting to come by more often lol) I would come back as you.

    Hilarious, smart, FABULOUS hair, and fucking gorgeous.

    I am scared shitless of moving to Tucson, but hell woman, if it means I might inhale some of what made you "you" , i'm all in.

    thanks for this blog. I'm sending it to my daughter. Right now.

    xo

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  48. I am a thick girl that has battled with an eating disorder for years. My self esteem was non-existent up till about a year ago. I'm still building myself back up, but I no longer wear sweaters in July to cover my "armpit fat" (yeah...I even though my armpits were fat. *sigh*). I have been in treatment and therapy and my husband is so completely supportive. It is hotter than hell right now and you can bet your ass that I will be wearing sleeveless tops this year! I love your blog and you are gorgeous!

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    1. Good for you. I identify with everything you've said. I hope it all changes this year:)

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  49. I spent hours perusing your blog last night and you know what came of it? Me buying two new dresses today that push me out of my comfort zone and *gasp* show my legs! Thank you, dear...

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  50. 2) Speaking of beautiful things/people, can I gush for just a minute?? I found this blog via a friend's facebook and have been browsing for almost an hour now. I too have felt uncomfortable in sleeveless shirts in the past (having been told my arms are too skinny/gross. How fucked up is our society?!), ditto low-cut tops, and I too have decided to not give the greatest number of fucks about it possible. If you're in the midwest ever, can we get ice cream and be awesome in the same space?

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Diary-Frida-Kahlo-Self-Portrait/dp/0810959542/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367963872&sr=8-1&keywords=frida+kahlo+diary

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  51. The problem is Weight Watchers is a business, so just like most businesses, it will says whatever inspires people to run out and spend money most productively. When it comes to our bodies, it's our own insecurities that they are playing off of. So just like Jes, and my fellow lovely posters, if we don't have these insecurities, then what other people say doesn't effect us. It's just like oxyclean infomercials. If you spill wine on white carpet, you'll want to clean it up. If you are feeling out of shape or unhealthy no matter your size, that's one thing, but if you spill white wine on a dark rug, there's no frickin stain left. In other words, if you feel beautiful, you are beautiful, because it's the truth and don't let anyone else make you think otherwise.

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  52. Someone pointed me in your direction and I can't figure out why I haven't been here before. Great blog. We don't watch commercials for the most part (I love my DVR), so this is the first time I've seen that one for WWs.

    OH.MY.GODDESS!!!!!!!! They have got to be fucking kidding!!!!!!!

    I'be been fat all my entire adult life (and thought I was fat when I was younger even tho I wasn't) but I have ALWAYS gone sleeveless when ever possible even tho I am deathfatz big. Heck. I even wear shorts and skirts that show off my deathfatz legs :D

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  53. Your blog gives me so much confidence. I just thought I would let you know that.

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  54. I'm not on the bigger side, but have been struggling a lot lately with my body confidence/weight. I'm a sophomore in college currently, and seeing the tall, blonde, super-thin, seemingly "perfect" girls on campus can really bring a girl's confidence down a bit. Your blog has shown me that ANY size can be sexy, confident, and beautiful- I love it! Thank you so much! I'm an aspiring makeup artist as well, and after hearing about all the amazing people that photograph and style you, I think that is so awesome. I would love to do the same someday! Love your style, and again, thanks so much :)

    Bridget

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  55. I bought a sleeveless dress last weekend! Usually, I would just flip past sleeveless ones in the store without a second thought. It is gorgeous and I got a shit-ton of compliments. Even wore it in our concert, where I played handbells with my jiggly arms. :) Thank you for giving me confidence! Woo!

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