"BODY SECRETS" WITH JENNA FROM THE AWKWARD INDIE GIRL

Can I please share how excited I am about the blog post today? Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis excited! I received an email from Jenna who blogs at The Awkward Indie Girl, asking if I was interested in an article about how secretive we can be when it comes to our body. Uh, YES! Honesty about the details of the skin I'm in is really difficult for me; I have things that I don't even discuss with my Him. I admire Jenna's fortitude and am happy to host her thoughts here on The Militant Baker.

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Everyone has secrets about their body. Shared glances in locker rooms, hushed conversations at sleepovers, and cryptic questions at the doctor's office have revealed that the details of our bodies can be the hardest to share with others. We spend our entire lives intimately connected to our bodies, so it's only natural that we become acquainted with their subtle nuances. But with a sample size of exactly one, it can be difficult or impossible to gain a sense of perspective on your thoughts and feelings concerning your own body. What's reasonable, rational, or healthy? Keeping the secrets of your body wrapped up in a cocoon of shame causes those thoughts to fester. They gain power until they are able to exert their influence on you, warping your perception of others and, most importantly, yourself.

It's time to end the secrecy and shame. In the age of the Internet, men and women from all over the world can connect and support each other during this difficult process. As we've seen countries in recent months rise up in revolutions to overthrow dictators, it is time to overthrow the dictators of our mind and rule ourselves with reason and respect.

I'm starting my personal revolution in body acceptance by posting five of the secrets I've kept about my own body. My hope is that by reading these, you feel like you're not alone. We all have downright weird thoughts about our bodies, but that doesn't mean you're the only one who is having them. If you like, feel free to post your own body secrets, even anonymously.

I haven't been able to go into a changing room at a mall or department store without crying for almost two years.

This is why I primarily shop at thrift stores and consignment shops (that, and the more reasonable prices). For some reason, at a thrift store, if something doesn't fit me just right, I don't take it personally. I blame the clothes. But at a store in the mall, I blame myself when a pair of skinny jeans is just plain unflattering. Trying on clothes is a sure way to put me in an awful mood. When I feel the tug of the fabric against my thighs and butt, I am overwhelmed with the feeling that I am just too fat. I tell myself that a prettier, skinnier version of myself would slide into this size with ease. Struggling to do up the buttons, I curse myself and my appetite. I usually pull off the clothing in anger, and I leave the changing room ashamed and in tears. I feel like the fashionable clothes are made for the right kind of girl that is popular and gets complimented on her figure, that these stores are meant to dress the queen bee of high schools, not the misfits like me. Not fitting into the clothes makes me feel like I'm not wanted. I wonder if my curvy, hourglass figure is inferior to those of the the skinny, A-cup models laughing charismatically in the ads.

Putting on a bathing suit is one of the most embarrassing experiences I can think of.

I dread swimsuit season. I just don't like feeling so exposed! I don't romp around in my underwear, so why would I do it in a bathing suit? I've gotten much better at setting aside feelings of mortification in recent years, but it's still a struggle. My almost translucent skin mocks me as I watch the bronzed beach babes flutter across the sand. I try to cover up my thighs with a towel. Where models have a stylish gap, flesh touches flesh. Purplish-blue stretch marks from growth spurts have begun to fade, but they still taunt me. I'm slowly accepting that I don't have a child's body anymore. I'm eighteen years old, and my body belongs to a woman. I tell myself that these changes are natural and normal, and with time, I think I will believe it. In the mean time, I've found a couple great tankinis and one-pieces that make me more comfortable (even if I do end up looking like I feel out of Lands' End catalog) . For me, sufficient coverage is a sure way to boost my confidence. When I'm not worried about my breasts bouncing and my butt hanging out, I can have fun with my friends. The extra fabric frees me.

I have a tummy.

No washboard abs here. Not even a hint of definition. Today, I'm okay with that, but other days I'm not. Acceptance is a slow process, but it's an important one. Sure, I could get rid of my tummy if I exercised more frequently and cut back on calorie consumption, but having a flat stomach is not a priority right now. Currently, my priorities are getting into college, performing well in school, working on and expanding my blog, being a good friend, and leading my school's Improv Troupe as President. None of those goals require a defined stomach, so I've decided to leave that idea on the back-burner for now.

Sometimes I get caught up on the size of the clothing, not the fit.

I have left a great outfit at the store because I was ashamed of the size on the tags. Conversely, I've brought home clothing that is the size I want to be, not the size I actually am. It's a tough habit to break, especially when you're shopping in the women's department, not the juniors'. I'm trying harder to focus on how clothing looks on and makes me feel, while focusing less on the numbers. Every store has different sizing, anyway! It's a cruel game to play with yourself, and it's one I need to stop.

I love the freckle on my left shoulder.

Loving a part of our body shouldn't be a secret! But for some reason, when we take pride in one of features, we feel ashamed. We are so used to hearing everyone talk negatively about themselves that we think there is something unnatural or conceited about sharing something positive. It is a good thing to love yourself and appreciate your body. Your body is amazing! Think of all of the things you can do with it every day. It is with our bodies that we experience movement and sensations. Our bodies are capable of so much; we should love them (or aspects of them) in thanks. Loving something superficial about yourself does not make you superficial; it makes you human. It's not petty or self-obsessed to think there is something pretty about you, even if that thing is so small as a freckle.

So those are my secrets. Do you have any of the same secrets? What about different ones? You are more than welcome to share your own body secrets in the comments. I challenge you to share this exciting experience and take part in this first step in revolutionizing the way you think about yourself. Formulating my thoughts has helped me realize which thoughts are destructive, healthy, or normal. I hope you can enjoy the same process!

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 I've been wanting to write about one of the things I've been embarrassed about for a while... my scars. I've compulsively scratched myself for the last few years and this turns bug bites into permanent marks. I know why this is, and I'll share another time... but for sooooooooooo long I was worried about what others thought. I talk about it openly now, and you'll hear all about it... another time. Wink wink.

If you are interested on contributing here on TMB, email me here, or check out the Contribute section! I would love it so much. And thanks again, Jenna... You're a pretty inspirational gal:)

So, what body secrets have you been waiting to let out?