You got me.
I've had more hair colors over the last 7 years than I can count. I fell in love with my black rockabilly hair, but I also fondly remember the bleach blonde, purple, brown, maroon, red, and every shade in between .. I loved them all. Actually, I hated the browns. All of the browns. But I loved the rest. I felt like I shed a skin every time I changed my hair (haircuts included), and my head became my ultimate creative outlet.
You can imagine the terror I felt when I pondered returning to blonde.
I've spun in circles asking myself ridiculous questions for months now. Will I blend in with everyone else? Will people think I'm dull? Will people still read my blog if I don't have awesome purple hair? Will anyone know how exceptional I really am? Will it turn me into a boring and humdrum, commoner? Silly, I know, but I mulled them over and over and over. I was also scared of what it subconsciously meant to have my natural hair. It was representative of my sheltered, religious, conservative days and these are traits I never want to identify with again. I had to sit myself down with for a talk: "Bitch, please, you're not going to become a different person because of a pigment change." But I still wasn't convinced.
In the end, the exhausting high maintenance for years caught up with me, so I called Erin for a 5 hour purple lifting session. I will admit to having a small panic attack I caught the first glimpse of my new-but-old hair in the mirror. I hadn't seen THAT me in a long time; and most certainly not fat with tattoos... but I... liked it? I liked it! It was almost a physical merging if two Mes... The past me that I despise, and the new me that I embrace- both assembled in the here and now. It was like restoring peace between two warring people and allowing everyone to breathe easier. I'm feeling rejuvenated to say the least. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit also helps that the upkeep for natural color is next to nothing.
I find it odd that it was 10 times harder to choose my original blonde than to select vibrant purple. You would think it would be more of a commitment the other way around, right? But I'm diggin my decision regardless. It is just one more step on my journey of accepting myself just as I am; allowing myself the option of frills, but not demanding that I have them to be in order to be "pretty".
So, do you have a hair story? What role does you hair play in your identity, if at all? If you could have any color hair RIGHT NOW, what would it be?