10 HONEST THOUGHTS ON BEING LOVED BY A SKINNY BOY


By Rachel Wiley

1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.

2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.

10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.

-----------------
I haven't read something this powerful in a long time.
[Thanks Poppy for the link!]


31 comments

  1. This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  2. This is so beautiful!

    Oh no, I forgot to get a mumu! Improvisation, here I come!

    Becky
    xx

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  3. I love that. It made me teary. Thank you for sharing it. :)

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  4. Wow, that is some powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcEnh9h4bII ... In case you haven't yet gotten to hear her read it herself. Powerful stuff!

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  6. Oh man... so close to home. That was incredible, thank you sharing it.

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  7. Part 8 just makes me break down. Incredible stuff.

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  8. I am not a fucking novelty. I LOVE THIS.

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  9. best thing i've read all week.

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  10. Wow. This made me tear up. Beautiful!!!
    (LOVE the mermaid picture!!!!)

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  11. I also teared up- int he middle of starbucks- Reading this. Thank you!

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  12. "loving me is not a fetish"

    thank you for sharing this. i love to see where my fellow bloggers are finding inspiration.

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  13. Love Love. Nos. 9 and 10, so profound.

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  14. Thank you for being so real! This made me well up..I have seen girls around me, both friends and family members go through their worthiness of being loved due to their size. I am going to share this both on twitter and FB.

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  15. wow. This is deep and I love it. Thanks for sharing!

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  16. This brought a tear to my eye. So beautiful.

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  17. I know this is an older post, but Natalie from Bake & Destroy linked to your amazing blog and I just found this. I really, really needed to read it last night. My oldest son is turning 16 and I spent yesterday looking through old photos of a younger, thinner version of myself. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Then, I came across this post and this morning I awoke feeling worthy. i remember that I am more than a body, and that my body is beautiful. Thank you.

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  18. So absolutely beautiful. Tear inducing truth.

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  19. Hi-I just got linked to this.. I am desperately in love with the mermaid art work at the top. I am so happy that this poem seems to keep finding people that want/need it. <3 Rachel

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  20. This is so lovely. It makes my heart hurt.

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  21. Outstanding. Wonderful. Read it like a million times in a row, and it still makes me feel strange.
    Love your blog, Jes, please, please, continue with your work. Thanks a lot,
    A thin boy, very much in love with a fat girl.

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  22. Just found your wonderful blog....forgive my lateness....just read this poem...sat here in tears, at 43 years old...so many reasons...not sure if I will ever understand them all. Thank you for sharing. Xx

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  23. Just discovered your wonderful blog.....forgive my lateness....just read that wonderful poem....am sat here in tears at 43 years of age! So many reasons...not sure I will ever understand them..or even myself...but Thank you for sharing. Xx

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  24. Just found your wonderful blog....forgive my lateness....just read this poem...sat here in tears, at 43 years old...so many reasons...not sure if I will ever understand them all. Thank you for sharing. Xx

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  25. As a 'not so skinny' teen this gives me a lot of hope. Thank you so much for everything you do on this blog.

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  26. As a 'not so skinny' teen this gives me a lot of hope. Thank you so much for everything you do on this blog.

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