FREE LANDWHALE SWAG, TOUR INFO AND OTHER EXCITING NEWS!


Friends, I am beyond excited right now.

The last time I was this excited about something was (actually just the other day) when I saw that there was going to be a ninth season of Dexter and almost dropped dead from ecstasy overload. Turns out, it was just a viral hoax and I'm still as easy of a mark as I was when I was in fifth grade*. Whomp womp.

(*Someone in Mrs. Olsen's class told once me that the word "gullible" was written on the ceiling and I definitely looked up. Total transparency- this happened more than once.)

All of the following announcements are definitely real, however and I've been dying to share them for so long! DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
1.) THE FREE PRE-ORDER SWAG OF YOUR DREAMS IS HERE! 
I'm personally thrilled that my second book (a memoir!) titled: Landwhale will be published on May 8thThe thing I'm thrilled about for YOU? Each pre-order comes with (what I consider to be) KICK-ASS SWAG! That kick-ass swag being: a limited edition enamel pin of the happiest landwhale you've ever seen as well as a postcard/thank you note from yours truly!

Let's be real: if you’ve lived in a fat body, there’s a pretty damn good chance that you’ve been compared to an animal by some asshole who's intent was to hurt you. Massive fail on their part though. The reality is that those creatures they’re comparing us to? They’re all really fucking awesome and so in the same way that I happily reclaim fat I also bow and say “Thank you!” when compared to these majestic creatures because DAMN, WHALES ARE INCREDIBLE, Y'KNOW?

So incredible, in fact, that I wrote a whole chapter about it and then made an enamel pin so all of us "landwhales" can visually unite and show the world just how damn majestic (and cute AF too, tbh) we are.



Here's how it works

🐳 If you've already pre-ordered Landwhale (in which case, holy shit... thank you!) all you need to do is send your name, mailing address and proof of purchase to: landwhalepreorders@gmail.com. That's it! We'll take care of it from there and you can expect a cute envelope filled with the rad items shown above in your mailbox shortly!

🐳 If you haven't ordered it yet, it's not too late! 



Just click this link and make it happen👇!

Once you place your order, send your name, mailing address and proof of purchase to: landwhalepreorders@gmail.com and then celebrate (🎉🎉🎉because a Landwhale "love package" is on its way!

Things to know:
📌 This is for both US and international readers! It's for ALL OF YOU! Hip-hip-hooray!
 ðŸ“Œ Yes, this applies to ALL purchases, including hard copies, audiobooks and Kindle downloads!
📌 This is a limited edition pin and once the pins are gone... sadly, they're gone. This offer is available while supplies last, so in other words: QUICK, Y'ALL! GET ON IT!
📌 This offer is valid until the sale date of Landwhale which is May 8th, 2018.
📌You are SO awesome for supporting my work and I am infinitely grateful. Infinitely.

2.) I GET TO NARRATE LANDWHALE!

Apparently, a lot of you like to fall asleep to the sound of my voice while I read you "PG-13 Bedtime Stories with a Shit-ton of Cursing" because dozens of people have asked if I'll be narrating Landwhale Ã  la Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. My answer up until now was something like: "Even authors have to audition, so I guess we'll see!"

Today? Well, today I get to announce that the contract has been signed and I will be spending the rest of the week soaking my quietest (I believe the professional term is "non-rustling") clothing with sweat (air conditioning noise is a no-no) in a 4'x4' box while repeating sentences over and over again until they no longer sound like words.

The audio CD is available now and the Audible version will be available shortly!

I still cry sometimes when I talk about certain chapter topics so we'll see how well I actually do. Wish me luck!

3.) A "LANDWHALE BOOK TOUR" IS HAPPENING!



It's finally a thing!

It's in the works. We're all working at superhuman speed to bring it together.

All you really need to know right now is: I'm coming to you, we're gonna talk about cool stuff, I'll sign anything you like within reason (I have very little reason, so the options are pretty much wide open) and we're gonna become best friends.

Well, that and if you want to be sure you stay updated on tour cities, dates and locations make sure you sign up for my newsletter so I can deliver that celebratory info directly to you!

 
Sending you ENDLESS amounts of love and gratitude,


No comments

Back to Top