I'LL WORK ON BEING LESS VAIN... PROBABLY NEVER

This week has been an overwhelming whirlwind of emails and to-do lists. Booking a million (kfine, 14) flights between three separate companies (and double checking to make sure that American Airlines isn't going to be flying me anywhere with a close deadline. Get your shit together, AA.) approving graphics, answering and setting up interviews, letting guest contributors know what to expect, finalizing details with my publicist, collecting addresses for books, yes to that plan, no to that plan, yes to that excerpt, no to that excerpt, writing and mailing postcards, posting a million amazing pictures of you all in all your #FatGirlsCan glory, scheduling shuttles, re-scheduling shuttles because they fucked up the reservation, approving posters, rearranging more flights, OMG SO MANY FUCKING FLIGHTS... all of this interspersed with a kajillion small panic attacks and the normal life/work things.

It's always hard to tell what is fear and what is excitement for me; they often look the same in my world. And all that good shit is laced with anxiety. SO, I'm gonna just take a breather and revel in my blessed vanity. Because this is all certainly fucking exciting (and holy shit a once in a lifetime experience, right?) but I wanna think about something easy, super fun and OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE: what I'm going to wear, duh.

THIS IS CURRENTLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE, GUYS.

Besides you, of course. The top three things in life right now go something like this: 1.) You 2.) Kick-ass outfits 3.) The newest episode of How To Get Away With Murder that I'm going to watch tonight.

With multiple events, I get to have multiple chances to look like a babe, and I'm sure as fuck not going to waste ANY of those chances. Behold! Three of my favorite ensembles that I still very much need to pack:

I'll be looking like I'm a well behaved dame in San Francisco. Which I'm obviously not, but it's almost Halloween so I'm dressing up as the classiest version of myself... clever, right?

THIS DRESS | T-strap heels | Earrings

I'm bringing the fucking bad-ass to NYC. I'm planning on chilly weather, hot coffee, dirty subway rides (always preferred over Uber), and bitchin' plaid.

Plaid shirt | Fishnets | Boots (SO great for super giant calves - 20"+!!!!- smaller version here)

 FAUX LEATHER HOT PANTS! | Moto jacket

I'm SERIOUSLY excited about those fat girl hot pants, guys; they fit so well (I chose a 2x). Alysse from Ready to Stare is doing amazing shit over there.

I tasked myself with finding the gold-ist outfit I could for Philadelphia and I think I did RATHER WELL if I do say so myself!

Gold pants | Star cuff | Black flats | Cold shoulder tee

Are you going to be in San Fran, Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, Reading, Oxford, Tucson or Seattle in the next three weeks? THEN YOU SHOULD COME HUG ME! Here are alllllllllll the details of the upcoming book tour starting THIS TUESDAY..

Do me a favor this weekend: wear whatever makes you happy at least once. A dress? Wear it. Sweat pants? Wear them! Vest and tie? Wear them. Lace top? Wear it. Your favorite shirt that's dirty? WEAR THAT. Tutu? PLEASE WEAR IT ALL WEEKEND!

Remember: there are no clothing rules. Only one suggestion from me: wear what makes you happy... I bet you'll find that it's fun. And when it comes to the subject of "being vain"- people only have a problem with your "vanity" if they're going through their own shit. But their shit is not your shit, so wear whatever you want, take a million selfies, look in the mirror and say "Hot damn, you're lookin' good!" and own that body of yours. You've got a good one.

SO. Will I get to see you while I'm out and about? I hope so. Come tell me your story, laugh at my exhaustion, cry onto my shoulder and let me sign your boob. Or stomach. Or face. Or book. Whatever. I'll sign whatever you got.

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Like this blog? Then you'll probably love my book Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. TNOWTFG "is a manifesto and call to arms for people of all sizes and ages." Learn more here.

Want to hear me speak? I'd love to visit your campus or come to your event! You can find more info here or you can just email me at themilitantbaker at gmail.com. Cheers!