LESSON OF THE DAY: KEEP YR FAT HATE TO YRSELF!



“I dont know you but you seem intelligent, funny and have a great spirit. However, celebrating being fat isnt smart or commendable. Its unhealthy. Im not hating on u or overweight people (my bestie is morbidly obese). However, pretending fat is sexy will put you in the hospital someday. I have MS so I know how horrible a chronic disease is. You can prevent getting a terrible illness by loving youself enough by getting fit. Im sure you want to look beautiful and fit. I swear im not trying to be mean or hurtful, I just want the women and girls who are reading this to not think being fat is girl empowerment because thats just as bad as dying to be super thin. Thats my two cents. Im sure ill getting negative feedback but I speak my mind even when Its not politically correct or welcomed. -Jeannette “


I am all for women speaking their mind. I am all for disagreement and discussion. But there is one thing that is NOT allowed on this blog: fat hate. Fat hate (yes, words of "concern" are hateful) is always generic, inaccurate and unwelcome. And blah blah blah boring. This is not the platform for your negative opinion of my body, anyone else's, or even your own. But... but... but why, you ask? Because the world is already flooded with it. This website is a safe space for anyone (no matter their size) who wants to learn to love themselves a little more. And I say: "You're not allowed to ruin that." And I'm the goddamn queen of this blog, so what I say goes.

Jeannette, you are absolutely right: you don't know me. You don't know that my blood pressure is perfect. You don't know that I ride my bike to work. You don't know that I eat clean food. And you know what? It's none of your fucking business. Your body is the only body you get to have an opinion on. And if you don't think that fat bodies are sexy (which they ARE. Which I AM.), then I suggest you find another blog to read because this one isn't for you. And while you're at it, here's some reading material that will hopefully educate you on the realities of the almighty fat, while kindly letting you know that you're wrong.

I don't necesarily have to respond to comments like this, and I don't have to explain my health to anyone. But I wanted to take this opportunity to be very clear about what is okay and not okay here at The Militant Baker. Disagreements/comments/discussion on practically everything else is a-okay.

Fat sistahs, don't let the world get you down mmkay? You are not worth more or less depending on the number on your scale. You're fucking beautiful, and goddamn sexy to boot. All of you. We're fighting a war against ignorance but you know what the awesome part is? If we love ourselves just the way we are... we win.

Have I made myself clear?
(And thanks Jeannette for creating a teaching moment:))

x's, o's, and Lisa Frank unicorns,
Me




(Get your own button from Rachele here)

40 comments

  1. Preach, sister.

    And for the record, I super appreciate that you promote body acceptance for ALL sizes. As my fifteen year old brother would say, "the women-ladies are beautiful."

    A-fuckin'-men.

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  2. i honestly think jeanette wasn't deliberately trying to be hurtful though, she could have potentially spoken her mind a lot more forcefully, and a lot more cruelly. I think she was just trying to be caring, perhaps in a misguided way...But, all this fat acceptance stuff is a lot to get your head around if you haven't encountered it or read about it before. Jes, I think it's great you gave her some reading material and replied with clear facts about you and your body... but i guess what i am saying, is... she couldda been a lot worse.... i dunno if that makes sense... i haven't drank my second coffee yet... anyway, rock on james dean.

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    1. Totally makes sense. Blog etiquette aside (I think I covered that pretty well;)) the fact that she implied that my body is bad, not attractive, and that I don't love myself... her opinion was pretty clear. Perhaps her "intentions" were well meaning, but the message was not. Maybe she didn't realize how she is perpetuating hatred and shame, but she was. So I suppose I'm letting her know.

      I DO see your point when it comes to the "body acceptance" movement... not everyone is as involved as some others. BUT telling someone that they are not okay is just... not fucking okay. Don't matter which way ya slice it;)

      I appreciate your comment love:) In my life, I don't accept "could have been worse". Cause, y'know... bad is bad. Mean is mean. Hurtful is hurtful, etc. Just because it could have been "more cruel" doesn't mean it should have been voiced here.

      Ya feel me sugar? ;)

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    2. Aaaaaaaaaaand, I wanted to acknowledge your empathy. I think it's marvelous. Thank you for mentioning what you did:) I hope everyone realizes that the reason this post is so stark and harsh is because this is a very serious issue that hides behind the mask of being "harmless". But it really isn't.

      Okay, thats all.

      hugs and air kisses.

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    3. yeh, and I think what people like you, and Rachele are doing is really interesting... I live in a country where I am probably bigger than 90% of the population... and so the definition of fat or people's concern over other people's weight is an interesting topic for me, especially as it changes from culture to culture.

      but I understand what you are saying and agree with you. I hope she reads your reply to her and the comments that others have posted too...
      and yes, the point about cruel verses more cruel... yep, i get that... it's kinda like being 'a little bit racist'...

      oh, and you... you are superb and i love you... but you know that ;) xoxoxo

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    4. Yes, her ignorance doesn't mean she gets a pass.

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  3. Whenever someone starts something with "I don't know you..." I'm always just like "Oh god, what do you want?".

    I understand the empathetic thing, I really do, but if you don't know someone, don't assume anything.

    Love is love and hate is hate, but let's just keep the good times and love a flowin'.

    Have a good day with Lisa Frank tigers too =D

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  4. I always run by the mantra "Not your body, not your business." Being a fatty myself (albeit much more privledged than a lot of my fellow fat sisters and brothers) I have had my share of hate in the guise of 'kindness' or 'concern'. We're taught from a young age that as women, as fatties, our bodies are not our own. Our bodies are proof of our 'success' or 'failure' at life. And that our bodies are everyone else's business.

    So AMEN for saying this, Jes. Thank you. Because whether it's coated in honey or not (and thank you, Jeanette, for choosing your words kindly - it says something about your heart - I encourage you to read the links Jes left for you and hopefully see a new way of light. You can be fat and healthy, happy and beautiful) it's still bigoted. It's still unwelcome judgement.

    I hope that one day we can let ALL bodies live and enjoy life without concern-trolling and judgement. :)

    Thanks for another awesome post, Jes.

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    1. "We're taught from a young age that as women, as fatties, our bodies are not our own. Our bodies are proof of our 'success' or 'failure' at life. And that our bodies are everyone else's business. "

      A-fucking-men.

      Sometimes I still cant believe (in light of prop 8) that we live in a world where people think they have the right to dictate what others do and how others live. ESPECIALLY when it hurts no one.

      Thanks for putting my thoughts into lovely and kind words.

      Xoxox

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    2. OMG, Melissa, thank you SO MUCH for saying this. I had no idea how much I deem myself a failure for being fat. Whew! Time to let THAT millstone go.

      Am LOVING this blog!

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  5. I've been reading fat acceptance blogs/books and fatshion blogs for about six months now and comments like this "concern trolling" seem to be the norm and bloggers are always having to address it! Even a lot of fat people who aren't educated on Health At Every Size etc, seem to be aghast at the idea of "accepting fat" because of the myth fat=unhealthy. In some cases it does equal unhealthy, just like some thin people are unhealthy. But even if fat people do make unhealthy choices, it's THEIR business! We shouldn't make people feel ashamed, as though healthy eating makes you a "good person" or "superior" to others. Healthy people are okay. Smug healthy people? argh, vom.

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  6. I love that you make your blog about body acceptance, no matter the size. The commenter writes as though you're condoning eating a horrible diet and never excersizing, but that's never been the case. You've talked about finding workout routines, and clean eating in the past (which any MB reader knows!). I think she just glossed over a few posts instead of doing some real reading and making real connections. My advice to her would be to repeat this mantra before she says anything:" is it right, is it true, is it kind?". It's something I practice daily <3

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  7. Hola Jes!
    All I gotta say is....hmmmm you said it all! I couldn't say it any better! Guurrl you ROCK! Thank you!

    ~SimplyyMayra

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  8. I love this.
    I've heard that shit too, from family.

    And the thing is, though... that even if you DIDN'T do any of those "healthy" things you do, it wouldn't necessarily make you unhealthy. And it certainly wouldn't give any-fucking-one right to judge. Absolutely NO ONE. Period.
    I wish I had badass friends like you. <3

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  9. you rock! awesome....

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  10. I agree you should never have to explain yourself to anyone! However, I'm glad you did because every time you share your thoughts, you are changing this horrible decision society has made to judge others based on appearance. I'm a "chubster" and I too have excellent blood pressure and walk a lot, photo walks can last miles! I also have no problem getting hit on, so sexy? Hell yeah! I'm sorry you had to address this, but thanks for putting a smile on my face today. Your positivity beams!

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  11. Thank you! Size is not how healthy you are! Skinny people can be more unhealthy than big people and I would rather be curvy and fluffy than a skeleton anyways. I am happy who I am!

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  12. "And I say: 'You're not allowed to ruin that.' And I'm the goddamn queen of this blog, so what I say goes." Oh shit, I am kind of a new fan of your blog, but that statement made me love you! I admire you so much and I am on the road to accepting myself more now with your help. Thank you!

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  13. I don't get why people assume that fat people are not healthy! I'm fat, but I walk a lot and eat healthy too! There are skinny people sicker than fat people! DAH! Skinny NOT EQUAL TO Healthy!!

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  14. Thank you! <3

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  15. WHat I wanna know is WHY did we ever let ourselves believe that fat=unhealthy. Because seriously this idea has led to sooo much being wasted on stupid diets and things. Surgerys of painful results. I am NO way skinny..Neiother am I morbidly obese(I think) I am Like BOTH. Seriously I had a good friend once tell me that from the back I am like a skinny chick super legs and like tiny little apple butt. But from the front I am like a beautiful Reubens..SO How awesome is that??? Exceopt that In the world I have the hardest damn time finding clothes that fit. I mean come on I need a size 14 jean for my tummy(7 c-sections..bit poochy) and NO butt so the behind fits a twelve NICE but the front nothing less than 16..THEN the top..Too damn busty but too narrow..Like I am a 36-38(depending on brands)E or F YEah OK..I hate clothing hunting seriously..Because I am like a combo job of both worlds other than that I LOVE my bod. Just did not like adorning it so much!

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  16. Thank you for posting this! It's really amazing to see some common sense written down. I had a 'friend' who who used to say stuff like this and it used to really bring me down. She would talk about how fat and unhealthy the women in her family were and it made her depressed, and then she showed me a picture of them and they were maybe size twelve or fourteen (which was basically my size).
    She'd always say stuff like "You'd always be so much healthier and prettier if you just lost twenty pounds" and give me all this pseudo science bullshit about how fat is basically death. In reality people can be and are healthy at a variety of weights. But when she said this stuff I always felt really bad about myself because it was true that I 'could be' healthier. But everyone in the world 'could be' healthier!
    Thanks again for this wonderful no nonsense response to this type of criticism

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  17. Being told that I am unhealthy, or fat, only makes it worse. It perpetuates all my self loathing, and I soothe myself with food. Lots of food. I eat myself sick and cry myself to sleep. What's the point in trying to lose weight? It's an endless struggle, even if I lose five pounds (or fifty) I'll still be fat, and stress-eating carrots doesn't do a damn lick of good...what's the point? So I wake up, and hate myself the instant I look into a mirror. Tell me how that is good. Please. Someone enlighten me. Because upon discovering this blog ten minutes ago, and reading maybe ten posts or so, I already feel good. Better about myself. Loved by a complete stranger who I know thinks I am beautiful. AND I BELIEVE HER. I believe this wonderful woman who took the time to try and help people like me feel wonderful just the way we are. Changing a body doesn't come from hating it. I've hated myself for a long time. I'm sick of it. I've have never before been given permission to love myself just the way I am. Even if I am fat. With all my rolls and scars. It's okay to be me. I may even start treating myself better. Stop beating myself up all the time. I feel like this is when change is going to happen...when I kill the hate inside of me. No one treats something that they hate well. It will be when I learn to love myself just the way I am that I'll really be able to do something. And move on with my life. I've been stuck in the same place for years, treating myself terribly, hating myself, immobilized by a depression that I just keep feeding. Enough is enough. I'm going to read and reread this blog every single day. Until I feel good about myself. And I feel better right now than I did this morning...and that's more than I could have ever asked for.

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    1. Stephanie, that gave me goosebumps. Thank you for writing. You deserve love. Self love. And you can believe me, I don't lie.

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    2. Thank you for responding. :) I love your blog. It makes me feel so powerful and...relevant. I've been finding myself in situations where I would normally hang my head in shame, but I've instead stood taller. Made eye contact. Did anything but disappear into the background. I was wondering if there were any other blogs or books or...anything that you could recommend. This is such a wonderful thing that you are doing, and I want to "meet" more people like you. You are such a wonderful ally and I don't feel alone anymore. I almost feel like we're friends. I know that must sound so freaking creepy, but I come here and look for guidance, advice, inspiration, and hope. I feel so much hope for the future, and for women like me...because we have people like you.

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  18. Yo, I know I'm late to the comments, but I thought it was quite telling that Jeanette wanted 'the women and girls who are reading this to not think being fat is girl empowerment.' If that sentiment was really about concern for health, and not policing of body shapes and size (conscious or unconscious), why the specificity in terms of gender? Men's bodies are their own business, but women's bodies are everyone's business.

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  19. Hello, I was fortunate enough to come to your blog via xojane. I too have M.S. and I'll tell you what I can take from your body-positive words. Absolute pleasure and joy.

    I have been living with severe depression and relapsing-remitting M.S. for the past 20 years and I have had such a difficult time accepting my body and all it's frustrating and interesting foibles. At the beginning, I had to adapt to my body's limited function and energy levels and having to stop working because I could no longer trust my brain function. To be honest, I have not always been patient and accepting of my illness and it's absolutely refreshing to come across such a body-positive place.

    I think you're gorgeous and I think I'm gorgeous too. Thanks for creating such a lovely place to visit.

    Cathy B

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  20. Just saw your blog from a Facebook link. I'm 59, 5'8" 200 pounds, "obese" by the charts. I have decent blood pressure, great cholesterol numbers, great blood sugar numbers. I play soccer every week with guys (most of them MUCH younger than me), bike to work and on the road, dance every week, do yoga every week, hike, kayak, teach skiing, lift weights regularly and I am stronger than many guys I know and all of the women. I treat myself to good food in moderate amounts. Don't tell me I am endangering my health while you sit and watch tv and diet yourself to death. I'm healthy and I'm strong and I do ore every day than most people dream of.
    Cathy M.

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  21. I'm 59, 5'8", 200 pounds and healthy as a horse. That's "obese" on the charts. My blood sugar is good, my cholesterol numbers are great, my blood pressure is fine. I bike to work and on the road, hike, kayak, teach skiing all winter, play soccer every week with guys (mostly MUCH younger than I am), lift weights, dance every week, yoga every week, and kayak, hike, etc. I treat myself to good food in moderate amounts and have lots of good friends and lovers. I am stronger than a lot of the men I know and all of the women. People are in awe of my energy levels and what I do in a day.

    Don't tell me I am endangering my health because I am overweight!

    Cathy M.

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  22. First off, THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting all of this! Your blog is truly inspiring and quite funny! I am 5'4", 230 lbs, and while my blood pressue is a little high, I kick awesome ass every week. Screw that stupid wii workout "You're obese" bull, I hate those charts. I agree with what you say, you are beautiful and just because you are overweight on a chart, doesnt mean you arent healthy! I play roller derby and let me tell you, while the skinny chicks are generally the jammer (or the star of the track), its really the bigger girls (the blockers which is what I am) that and can knock them down so hard, we make them feel like they need braces! Ever seen a derby bout? Look up the local derby teams in your area and go see one. Every size and every girl has a role, and the bigger girls, are the ones that steal the show everytime. Its not about size there, its about using your body to the best advantage and being a block is plainly AWESOME! I took your blog to practice to show the other bigger girls and we love it! Thank you once again! This made me feel a lot better about myself and really embrace more of who I am and what I look like. I love it!

    Thanks!

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  23. I just found your blog the other day, so sorry I'm late to this party!

    The weird flip side to the fact that people assume that they "know" that you're unhealthy because you have more body fat is the equally stupid assumption that if you're thin, you must automatically be as healthy as you'll ever need to be.

    My weight has always been on the lower end of "normal" for my height, and I cannot even count the number of times that someone has made a comment along the lines of "You don't need to exercise. You're thin!" or "You shouldn't worry about trying to eat healthy foods. You're thin!"

    I found out that I have high cholesterol when I was 24. But apparently it would be ok for me to never exercise and eat nothing but high-cholesterol foods because I'm thin?? This idea that the best way to judge someone's health is just to know what number they see when they stand on the scale is unbelievably stupid.

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  24. You are fucking perfect and I enjoyed every bit of what you wrote. Beyond inspirational and more people should find out about you. You're just fantastic so I applaud you in this room full of hypocrites.

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  25. "Im sure ill getting negative feedback but I speak my mind even when Its not politically correct or welcomed."

    Oh yes, it's sooooo courageous to express disapproval of fat women. In a society that highly disapproves of fat women. And the thing about "concern for your health" is ain't it ever so funny how that health concern comes out way sooner for women (IOW at a lower weight) than for men. A dude has to be really heavy before people get concerned the impact his weight might be having on his health. And when that happens it's likely it IS about his health, unlike with women where it all too often is barely-disguised moral and aesthetic displeasure.

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  26. I want to say I love you I wish i could give you a big kiss and hug. (sister love). I'm ready to fall in love with myself. I'm ready for my transformation. Thank you soo much.

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  27. Love this post. Love your blog! Someone just tried telling me the same "healthy equals thin" crap last month! His ignorance only amuses me now.
    It's funny. The thin me he knew had no confidence, no self respect, or self love. Now, forty pounds heavier, I love myself and my body more than I ever thought possible.

    On my low self-esteem days it helps me to remember that for every one thing I don't like about my body there are at least ten people that wish they looked like me. (Not that they should. They're already sexy fuckers just as they are!!)

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