ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT ALREADY


*grin*

 I'd like to clear the air and have some open communication
 about something that everyone seems to still want to talk about.

Quite a while ago I wrote a facetious article about how disapproving I was of the content labeled "Lifestyle" on A Beautiful Mess. I made it very clear that that Elsie herself is probably a nice person, but her blog was projecting fake content and presenting itself as very real. This comment pissed a lot of people off. I can't exactly tell you why, I suppose that they all took it very personally (though it had little to nothing to do with them) but I can tell you how many "you're a bully" emails I received. I just want to say this now: just because I am saying something that you do not want to hear does NOT make me a bully. I explained to the world that I didn't have any problems with people selecting moments of charm and blogging only about those, but I stuck to my guns when it comes to calling it "real life". I fielded the mean emails the best I could... I even wrote a Q&A post to clear up the misconceptions that I was a heartless woman hating bitch; to no avail. One of the larger lifestyle bloggers I advertised on refunded my ad saying that she couldn't support me because Elsie was a "dear friend" and I was being a bully (again, with the overuse). It was infuriating. I handled it (sort of) well, but after it all calmed down, I removed the post for one major reason: 

If you walk into a church and yell "god doesn't exist!", no one will hear anything you say after that.

I write on this blog specifically to offer women permission to think for themselves. To love themselves. To break social norm... and Elsie's blog is a social norm. But there are also bigger more important things out there to publicly disagree with... like patriarchy, slut shaming, fat hatred, "crazy people" stigmatization and woman silencing to name a few. My point is: by calling Elsie's blog into questioning I was making it easier for a small part of my reader base to walk away over a topic that simply wasn't worth it. I would rather remove the insignificant post and have women stay and read more about self love than never have them listen at all. I want every woman to have the chance to love herself unconditionally. I want every woman to have the option to make her own choices. I want every woman to allow herself to choose what is best for her. Whatever that is. I personally believe that these options are more efficiently communicated through well researched feminism/acceptance/educational posts. Maybe if women read those they will figure out the rest for themselves.

This brings me to another point:

It has come to my attention that there are sites that simply bash on bloggers. I know, I know, where have I been. I say bloggers and not blogs because the destructive comments that make their way onto the threads are by and large meant to jab, poke, cut and otherwise brutally destroy the blogger of choice. I absolutely do not like this, not even a little bit. I feel like the concept of constructive criticism is lost here, and it becomes a individualized bloodbath with nothing accomplished after it's over. Elsie and many others are victims of this verbal violence and to this entire form of personal humiliation I say NO. I firmly believe that there is a marked and permanent line between a person and a position. A distinction between a politician and a policy. This is a really important concept, so hang in here with me for a moment.

When you talk about a person, you are talking about something that you literally know nothing about. A person is a living breathing walking jumble of atoms that has a brain that is wired uniquely from their past experiences. NO ONE knows another human being thoroughly except themselves (and sometimes, not even then). Not their mother, not their husband or wife, not their childhood friend, and most certainly not a stranger behind a monitor. Humans are too complex to judge. This is a fact. Sure, sure we can throw judgements around all we want, but every time we do the second it leaves our mouth... it's incorrect. How could it not be? We couldn't possibly know what we're talking about, because it's not about us. Now, a position? That's a whole other story. We can wrap our minds around a position. We have the right to decide if we support or ignore it. If we love it or hate it. If its pure gold or bullshit. Its a one dimensional concept that we can own or throw away. We choose the positions we want in our life. That is our right.

Politicians and policies are similar. A politician is multifaceted and a human to boot, so there is an array of tangled thoughts feelings and beliefs in there. A policy on the other hand we can nail down on paper. We see it in black and white, made out of 32 letters stating exactly what it is. This is why I like to debate policies and not politicians. Always. Just don't get me started on how policies aren't nearly evolved enough to encapsulate the complexities of human beings, much less be forced upon them. Another rant, another day.

This whole thing gets messy and uncomfortable sometimes. I have to elect a politician that represents the majority of the policies that I like. I don't get to choose my preferred sides, I have to chose an entree. In a perfect world, maybe it wouldn't be this way... I don't know. People and positions are the same way. We choose to surround ourselves with people that we share a common group of positions with. Are we going to agree with every position they hold? Nope. So we do the best we can and we make the calls the way we see them. For me, this translates into a persons actions as well. I do not judge a person by their being, but rather by their actions. 

I from a personal stand point believe in being real, maybe even being real to a fault. This is a core concept for me so I surround myself with people and positions that support this. I also challenge positions that don't. I don't challenge people when it comes to this unless they are enforcing some sort of law that doesn't allow me to make my own decisions. Easy peasy.

Don't hate on people, folks. Its cruel and inefficient and it make you look like a big meany head. Try hating on policies or positions instead. While I say that, I also say: it's your life. Do what you want. If you want to decide that someone is a piece of shit based on their photos, I guess it is your right. If you want to question someones intelligence because of the state of their marriage, I guess technically it's your right. But these are not steps towards change. These steps will get all of us nowhere. I stand wholeheartedly behind supporting what you believe as well as countering what you don't. DO IT! Stand up against things that you don't believe in, just make sure you spend the majority of your time supporting the things that you do. Its better for our emotional welfare this way. I really think that even this comes down to balance... you need a little of both. I support writings that reflect my core beliefs and I question those who do not. But I mostly support those that reflect my core beliefs. See how that works?

Let me be clear: this is not a war, and there are no sides. 

People can't fight people, people must disagree with positions and policies. It must work this way or else we would have a very scary reality that looks a lot like the verbal slaughter on the hate forums. Hate is not a gateway to change. Constructive opposition and healthy confrontation is. Make no mistake; they are very different. 

I know why I write here on The Militant Baker. I have done a lot of studying to get to this state of consciousness and I have also learned is that this is just the beginning of my educational journey. However, my personal reality is clear and my positions are solid. I believe in demanding freedom and promoting change. Confronting oppressors and supporting free thinkers. I believe that I am allowed to be an outspoken female and that this is not a negative characteristic by nature. I believe that I can use it for greater good.  I believe that I am human and will make mistakes. I am okay with this. I believe that many of the worlds issues can start to be resolved once we become comfortable talking about them. I strongly believe in talking about them. I believe that the reality that all of us grew up in is ass backwards whether we know it or not. I don't believe in minimizing this fact. I believe that people should be held accountable for their actions. I believe in righteous indignation and healthy aggression. These primitive emotions are as necessary for survival today as they were years ago. I believe in being grounded, aware, and empathetic. I believe that every human being on this planet has the right to feel good about themselves. This last one, I believe most of all.

Please feel free to leave your comments below. I love communication and I value your input. Also know, that if there is cruel commentary that I deem unfounded it will be removed. This is my blog and I want to only promote critical thinking, conversation, and change.

With all of that said, what do you think?

48 comments

  1. I don't think it is bullying to question whether certain lifestyle blogs are projecting something far removed from reality, cause I think it can negatively impact others: like, oh my gosh, this woman manages to do a load of crafty shit, look after two beautiful children, has a happy husband, a beautiful home and a good job, all while looking flawless all the time in super expensive and super stylish clothes, cooking gourmet-standard food, and she finds it EASY and she's HAPPY; I struggle to keep my one bedroom flat clean, do my degree and part time job at the same time, and see my friends/family/boyfriend as much as I'd like (and given I live with my boyfriend, this is saying something). It's not that women can't have it all, and maybe these women do lead as charmed a life as they say, but I dunno, sometimes I wanna know that maybe they had cereal for dinner today too and that's okay. Maybe they do keep up with all these things, but they feel tired and stressed some days too, and that's okay. It's not envy, it's more like, unless they are legit stepford wives, we know it can't all be sunshine and rainbows all the time and it seems a little false to pretend it is.

    I think maybe you just got a backlash as you focused on one, when there's a whole culture of it. I suppose my blog can loosely be called a lifestyle blog, but it's more where I can put all my opinions together along with what I've been getting up to as I live really far away from a lot of my friends and family, and it keeps the phonebill down, but we still connected with what's going on with each other. And if that's out of the way, it leaves phonecalls and visits free for all the juicy shit. I think you were right to apologise, but don't feel like you can't call out the culture.

    That's just my two penneth anyway (:

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    1. Aw Charlotte, thanks for taking the time to comment:) I totally agree with every thing you've said. Your first paragraph is the essence of a magazine article I read that you can find here:

      http://bitchmagazine.org/article/better-homes-bloggers

      It says everything you just did:) Only you're way cuter!

      xoxoxoxo

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  2. I'm far too tired to write an intellectual response but I'm with you, girl!

    Becky
    xx

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    1. That would be... blogger best friends forever and ever.

      I just made myself a little nauseated while typing that;)

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  3. This is terrific! And lest I sound sychophantic I have other thoughts too...
    The issue with "don't criticize people, criticize positions" is something you alluded to at the top of the post: criticizing positions is essentially taken as criticizing the person who holds them these days. People rush to call "bully" and claim "you don't know me!" And get incredibly defensive at the criticism.
    Is this because we are a generation raised with battle cry: The personal is political! Is this because we are a generation told we the individual are the most special of special snowflakes and anyone who doesn't reward our brilliance is trying ti hurt us? I have no idea.
    But something is deeply flawed in tje way we respond to criticism.
    I would even go so far as to slightly disagree with your premise that we shouldn't criticize people. Because look, within your lifestyle blog if you talk about how gay people getting married is just wrong, if you talk about how fat people gross you out, if you make statements that are bigoted and ugly, I am going to assume you're a bigot with an ugly personality. And then I'm going to tell you I think you're a bigot with an ugly personality and then I'm going to stop giving you pageviews. And its not your positions I am disiking, its you as a person and thats ok. We dont all have to like each other all the time. (it took me YEARS of therapy to get to that one!) In my real life I dislike and call out bigots and therefore I feel like I can do the same online. The internet is not a sacred space.
    Blogging is a unique concept, one heretofore unexperienced in our world. There is no perfect way to do this, to experience this. But I know it can't be approached the same way as journalism or scholarly papers. Its a new construct and we are all muddling through. I have no helpful or constructive suggestions about any of this but its got the wheels turning.
    Fabulous food for thought, per usual.

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    1. Haha! Great comment Meg:)

      Yes, yes, and yes.

      I think this specific case is interesting, because I don't retract what I originally said. I am most certainly not apologizing. As a matter of fact, I believe it more now than when I wrote it months and months ago. I didn't un-publish it for anyone else but myself. I said to myself, "Self, do you like the result more with or without this deterrence?" And I decided that I would let that fight go and move on to bigger and better things. So yeah, in my smart ass opinion, still fake.

      BUT this doesn't have to be a case of all or nothing. People want me to call her out on her bad grammar, and duck lips, and brain numbing art projects, but I wont. I couldn't care less about those things and they weren't what I was challenging in the first place. I guess this is why the person/position concept is important here. You follow?

      Also, when something causes an uproar and people start talkin', it's always a good thing. It means people are a thinkin'.

      wordswordswordswordswords and more words.

      Oh yeah, and it's totally okay to not like people. I dislike people all the time. I just don't know her personally. At all, which is the whole point of this conversation! Full circle. It just happened.

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  4. "If you walk into a church and yell "god doesn't exist!", no one will hear anything you say after that." This line reminded me of Pussy Riot! And while you're not exactly talking about the same thing- isn't free speech soooo important? Talk about a deeply flawed way of responding to criticism!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/15/pussy-riot-rallies-supporters-mobilize_n_1778220.html

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    1. Thanks so much for the link... seriously. I'm so glad you left it!

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  5. I get what you were trying to say about that blog and I quit following it a long time ago because it honestly made me feel bad about myself. Was I just jealous on about 100 different levels? Probably. I agree with Charlotte in that it's certainly not just that one blog. I would just personally like to read blogs that are a bit more "real" in the sense that I feel I can actually relate to them on a daily basis. It doesn't make one blog better than another, it's just personal preference. If we all wanted to read the same thing there wouldn't be thousands of bloggers out there.

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    1. You betcha! I made mention that the reason I chose that particular blog was because it was popular and recognizable.

      I like your point about thousands of different voices:) I selfishly hope that the honest and raw kind of blogs supersede the rest someday! I would love to read all of them!

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  6. I can totally understand where you are coming from and you're totally right, a lot of people probably feel the same way but are too embarassed or afraid to actually write a post about it like you did, or even comment on the post. I would have liked to have read the post, I must not have been following your blog at the time or I would have. I am on the same level as you, and though I still follow her blog I mainly go there for purely aesthetic reasons, to see the pretty photos and maybe gain some inspiration, I certainly don't go there to read about anything real or feel that I can relate to her. I often stop following blogs who portray this picture perfect image because it's not reality. Reality is like one of the commenters above said, she struggles to find time to clean her apartment, cook meals and see her friends and boyfriend...THAT is real life, of course we're not always going to blog about those things cause to be honest they aren't that exciting haha but when someone portrays this image of 'reality' when you know that can't be IT, that bothers me.

    Great post miss!
    I come to your blog for REAL content, keep it up!

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    1. Thanks love! I like to add reality to the mix because there is always an abundance of the other stuff in the media:)

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  7. It's sad that you can't post a personal opinion, that YOU are entitled too, on the internet. People need to chill the fuck out and not take everything so damn personal (especially when it's not even about them.) It's LIFE - everyone has earned the right to think someone/something is fake and write about it. Sorry you had to take down the post and erase your opinions (your RIGHT)...but keep on with the other opinion pieces - LOVE em'!!

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    1. Look! It still created great conversation here on these comments! Win win win!

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  8. That original post was actually the reason why I started following you (it was linked on one of the blogger bashing sites, actually, which I don't post on but read while thinking to myself, "Did these people not grow out of high school?") - I totally agreed with what you said in it, and I still agree with you now. I'm disappointed that people couldn't think critically about it instead of immediately creating such a fuss, but I'm glad that more critical thinking on your part came out of it in this post. You're so well articulated that I continue to be impressed with every important thing that you bring up and have the guts to voice your real opinions on. You're right in that Elsie probably is a great person, but her blog feels candy coated. There are plenty of people who like that, and then there are those of us who can be put off by it. It doesn't make you a bully; it just makes you someone with a different opinion.

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    1. Word up woman.

      ALSO, uhm... zines, roller derby, bust, and the beauty myth?!?!!? Never stop being awesome Sonya. Never.

      P.S. I'm glad you stuck around.

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  9. I love what you wrote. In all honesty, I started my blog to be a different kind of lifestyle blog in response to all the other lifestyle blogs. That's why I talk about the shameful secret-keeping of mental illness, and fatness, and racism and all sorts of things I never see on other blogs. And that probably contributes to my not being a popular blog. But I don't care.

    A blog is your platform; it is important to draw the line in the sand and stand for something. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO CARE ABOUT THAN WHAT MANY BLOGS OUT THERE DISCUSS! I don't care about people's nail art. I really don't. I want to know about your politics. Let's discuss stuff that's important. Its frustrating how few and far between authentic blogs are.

    In short, haters gonna hate. But I love what you and your blog stand for. I can't say enough good things about you and your posts. I heart you and wish we were close enough to subvert patriarchy together in person.

    Keep up the good fight, sister.

    Stephanie
    www.bassability.blogspot.com

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    1. Man, we are soul sisters.

      Exactly what you said: I'm not upset by being excluded in some popular cliques because each day I allow myself to learn more and more about what is REALLY important. This kinda trumps everything else and makes it all look silly after it falls in the shadows of life altering topics. Topics like mental illness, racism, sexism, fat discrimination, minority hate crimes, womens health and body image. y'know... the usual gamut.

      I guess I respect others right to choose to turn a blind eye to the larger issues (ex: NOT nail painting) but I personally cannot. I literally can't sleep at night if I try ignore it all. Andjaknowwhat? I don't feel like this makes me a negative person. I feel like this makes me a realist.

      Don't get me wrong, I love painting my toenails turquoise, thrifting, and taking kitty pictures as much as anyone else! I just know that there is so much more. So much more.

      WHY isn't thrifting automatically a spell-check approved word? Is this 2012 or is this 2012?

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    2. Yknow how in hunger games there was the underground district that no one knew about but they always wondered about?

      I sometimes wonder if there isn't another blogging realm that hasn't been discovered yet where all of the bloggers write about real issues and the minority stress about couch shopping.

      There must be! And I must find them!

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    3. If there isn't we totes have to make one.

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  10. I think you are so articulate. Thank you for taking the time to write this post. I was unaware of your blog until this week, but I've added you to my favorites. It's refreshing to see a blogger who is honest, thoughtful, and a great writer. You ARE allowed to have opinions, and the way you've expressed yourself is entirely appropriate and well-spoken. As a teacher, I encourage my students to speak up. Dissent, but do it in a way that is intelligent and respectful of people's feelings.

    Also, I totally agree with the way that you feel about Elsie's blogging style, and just because she has a high number of followers doesn't mean we should be able to express our thoughts.

    Love your blog. :)

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    1. Yeah, I'm not so much concerned with numbers, though I would love to reach a large span of women and let them know how wonderful they are...

      The emails I receive from women across the world letting me know that their lives have changed from reading my honesty just reinforces why I blog. I don't blog to be cool. I blog because I believe in positive change and personal empowerment.

      Fo realz.

      And thank you. THANK YOU for your kind words.

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  11. **doesn't mean we "shouldn't" <-- is what i meant. :)

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  12. Can I just say that I absolutely love how you are able to articulate your thoughts in an intelligent and clear manner and it's such a joy to read. With that being said, I totally hear ya! I use to follow ABM too but stopped afterawhile because all the posts just started to be the same afterawhile.

    Nothing against Elsie, I even took one of her e-courses (and loved it!) but I rather spend my time reading blogs that I can relate to more, not necessarily be similiar to me but is a reflection of what goes on with that person in managing so many different things and the challenges one faces.

    And on a different note, to piggy-back on Stephanie B's comment, the whole nail-art trend is pretty annoying. =P

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  13. If you ever wrote a book about 'living', I would buy it - I tend to agree with most of your points, in all that you write, and there are some that I wouldn't necessarily choose to live by, but that's my choice and you have your own too, so it's not even that i disagree persay, I just don't chose it for me.

    I know exactly what you mean about Elsie's blog, though I must admit I am an avid reader of hers. I hated when she first got more... commercial I guess you could say? There's a lot of fakeness, but I've grown to read her blog as a MAGAZINE more than a blog, and that's what its become, and that's ok. Magazine content is polished and picked through before being published and if you don't like it you could just, not read it. (not you particularly, jut the general 'you'). If someone's easily influenced by her blog, it's not really Elsie's fault. Or any of her team. Who's to say that, if Elsie's blog didn't exist, the same person might simply go and believe every word in Seventeen Magazine or Cosmo? It's the same idea. If anything, as fake as it might be, I think it's still better than a magazine because it's a slightly more humble version of a magazine. I mean sure the life they portray on that blog makes me want to have the exact same one, 'perfect' and 'sweet' and 'creative' and all, but I'm also aware that it's not 100% real.

    I don't articulate my points as well as you do, but I hope that makes sense a bit :P Haha
    I love that you keep it real on here, in all sense of the form. Though I'm sure things are slightly polished too, you address issues head on and I think that's great.

    xo
    http://kittysnooks.blogspot.ca/

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    1. I LOVE that you are all in when it comes to people choosing the life that works for them. Just because we don't agree on something doesn't necessarily mean that we DISagree. Well put!

      And yes, exactly. Magazine, totally. My qualm was the use of the commonly misused word of "lifestyle" which has since changed since I've written the article. Did you hear about the teenager that called out Seventeen magazine on the fact that they airbrush and heavily manipulate the photos of teenage models? I thought that she was pretty cool. Her name was Julia Bluhm and I loved that she took a stand. We could choose to read or not read of course. And I do:) (sometimes for blood pressure and sanity reasons;)) but at the same time, if you feel like some optional entity out there (magazine/blog/tv show/movie/news article/policy etc.) is having a negative effect... well, fuckin' talk about it! Educate people! Start a conversation! Liven up the party! Offer another option or solution!

      I know that a lot of people internally believe that things that are presented as normal... are normal. So, you personally know, as a critical thinker, that some magazine-ey type blogs are over polished. Me too, totally feel ya. But there are those that don't know this. What about those who are in a mental place where they think that each perfect picture is the ideal that they are striving for? These people are absolutely everywhere, and need one ballsy person to give them permission to be okay... awesome even though their life is different. It's the same thing with body image, even for us critical thinkers. We KNOW that we will never look like a runway model... but we try to mimic it to the best of our ability anyways. Subliminal messages are still messages, y'know? So lets put more fat chicks on the runway and more honesty in the blogs! Yeah!

      And you are totally right, there is no way to share every atom of ourselves on the web, even if we wanted to. I don't share much about my relationship to respect his privacy... But I do make a point to be as transparent as bloggingly possible just to add that extra kick in the ass to a perfectly Photoshopped world. Woohoo!!!

      I think you're great as well!!! Thanks for commenting! Man, you really got my wheels turnin! I love it when people share:)

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    2. I've flirted with the topic of writing a book, but I don't think I know something that everyone else doesn't already. Sigh.

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    3. You may not know things that other people haven't already said before but you defeinitely have a unique way of voicing it. You definitely write in a way that makes things understandable and makes them sink in ;)

      I suppose that's the problem blogging, and with any sort of media, and with people and heck, with society itself (well that escalated quickly... hahaha!) we have to choose what to believe in and what to take seriously, as well as what to dismiss and not take to heart - but you're right that even if it's our own choice the fact that there ARE options out there at least gives us more to choose from, more ideas to soak in - some realistic ones to compare the phoney ones to. That's why I love blogs like yours and people like you in the blogosphere! Balances things out a lil ;)

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    4. Your escalation comment made me laugh aloud:) I love the last paragraph. It really captures how I also feel about the blogging world. We can have pretty polished ones,gritty real ones, and everything in between so that we can compare and decide what OUR reality is.

      And I really appreciate your comment about the book writing. I'm trying to build up some confidence in that area. I would really like to make that happen one day.

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  14. Oh Jes, I'm sorry that people were attacking you because of a view that you stated. It seems a bit childish in my eyes. But mucho props for talking about dealing with the policies ;D

    Until we live in a world where people don't attack one another, whether it's psychically or mentally, we have to keep voicing the opinion of trying to spread love and not hate.

    Good luck in your quest, and I'm glad I found your blog way back when. You have truly inspired me.

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    1. The last line sounds like you're leaving. Where ya goin? ;)

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  15. I feel like what a lot of "lifestyle" blogs were when I started blogging in 2007 and what they are now are two entirely different things. I want people talking about their life, opinions, and feelings rather than showing off how pin-worthy their home is (not that I don't envy them on occasion or wouldn't cook the shit out of half their food). I think that's why you're becoming one of my favorite bloggers, because you're ballsy and honest and talk about LIFE and ideas and topics of interest, and there's not all the fluff. I'm glad to be slowly getting my balls back after a lot of inner debate over how open/controversial I want to get on the internet.

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    1. I saw "bullshit" on your about me. Looks like you're recovering just fine. :)

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  16. When I first started blogging I remember I followed a whole bunch of lifestyle-ish blogs and it really affected my blogging output...the majority of which I hated. Now I follow different types of blogs that personally inspire me to be a better person without having to have a lot of money to buy expensive clothes, or perfect husbands/boyfriends that take amazing pictures for you, or an insane amount of free time to do things. I like to think there's more to life than that AND that I can challenge myself to be more than that! It's much more inspiring to me when people promote discussion about power & race for example, than it is to talk about ones outfit.

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    1. Isn't that transition from okay blogs to meaningful blogs glorious?!?

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  17. Blogs like ABM hold women back. They perpetuate some dream of a picture perfect, beautiful life that doesn't exist. That blog has become a 21st century Donna Reed fantasy lifestyle that is disingenuous and kind of disgusting.
    I applaud your honesty.
    And guts!

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  18. Dude, have you been sneaking into my brain and reading my thoughts? This topic has been burning in my brain for a LONG time, and I'm just gonna spill it: listen, everyone has their right to free speech. Just because you called someone out on their shit for not being authentic is NOT BULLYING. Yes, it's their blog, but it's out there for the public to read. There's the saying that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. Fine. But I'm having an issue with certain specific blogs that are definitely making money perpetuating an image of domestic bliss, and this is my open letter to those censored blogs (not to you personally, Jes, when I'm writing "your blog"): I'm leery of blogs that are heavily-edited and seemingly perfect, and sending a message of "I can do it all" while making money off of sponsors, books and said blog....and I'm just going to say it: BULLSHIT. These blogs make some women feel inadequate because there's NO WAY you or anyone are superhuman and can do it all BY YOURSELF, and that's the image they perpetuate. So be honest about it and admit that you drop your kids off at your parents' house, or have a nanny, or have a housekeeper, or even have someone else managing your blog, cuz I'm not buying it. I'm not saying that these bloggers have to go into the "it was a day from hell so I locked myself in the garage" rant. I do respect the fact that they don't want their blog filled with vitriol or "woe is me" posts. But I also see that some blogs are a very carefully-crafted BUSINESS. Once I understood that this was a censored reality, I limited my readership. And that is what I would recommend to anyone who isn't buying into it or is starting to feel less than perfect or feels they're doing something wrong because "Gee, why does my life not look like that?" It isn't you. I applaud anyone who can help financially support their family in any way, be it a blog or working a full-time job. Just don't get offended when someone points out that the blog you present to the PUBLIC and intend to make money off of is inauthentic. There, end of my rant. And, by the way, Jes, keep telling it like it is.

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    1. I kind of have an issue with the saying "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all." FYI: I'm not talking about this in reference to blogs right now, just in general.

      I get the concept of not shit talking. I don't like talking shit because it never has anything constructive behind it. It makes them feel bad and you feel bad and it's usually just bad. We're all guilty of it occasionally, but I don't make a habit out of it.

      That being said, the saying "If...nice dont...all" seems like a red flag and silencer to me. Like, you have a problem? Keep it to yourself. Fuck no. If there is something goddawful going on I'm going to say something goddawful about it! Don't shame me into not creating waves. Maybe its just my heightened awareness of female oppression, but I also feel like this is a large contributor when it comes to woman silencing.

      I sure have a lot of opinions.

      And thanks, Gail. Once you start telling it like it is, there is no going back... :)

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    2. Oh, and the whole concept of being a blogger and providing for your family is an interesting one. I REALLY REALLY applaud so many women for doing this. Talk about ingenuity! I think that there are a lot of women out there that do write fairly honestly and I think a lot of them are moms. Good for them! I forgot to link this article to the main post, but there is a good one about how making a lot of money starts to compromise integrity. Its here:

      http://bitchmagazine.org/article/better-homes-bloggers

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    3. Excellent article! And to clarify, I think that the value in blogging has been that it enables everyone to have a voice, to have a community, and ulitmately to inspire and support one another. I am happy to have discovered yours....you certainly put a smile on my face!

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  19. Just like some of your other readers, I started following your blog thanks to that very post. I thought to myself," holy shit someone with the guts to say what I have been feeling for a long time,& hey this gal has depth to her content. I love it!!"
    Your blog was a breath of fresh air.
    I'm glad you put it out in the universe. Thanks

    Cassandra

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  20. I loved your post. it was the post that brought me to your blog :) You have an amazing blog my dear. keep it up!!

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